The Sky Is Falling! (Media Street)

The tragic story of two St. Kilda supporters who just can’t go on after their beloved team loses a single game of football in April. What drama!

We can all get a little bit carried away, can’t we. St Kilda lost on Friday night – you may have heard about that – after winning the NAP Cup and opening the regular season with two wins. The loss leaves them in seventh place on the AFL ladder and while coach Ross Lyon agrees that his side was well beaten, he was confident they would bounce back.

No, Ross. NO THEY WON’T! Your team is on the verge of total collapse and unless you listen closely and carefully to all these footy writers, your entire club is going to die!

• Mike Sheahan felt that the Saints were so bad that they lost more than premiership points…what else did they lose exactly – self-respect? The keys to Justin Koschitzke’s car? Their tiny little minds?
• Robert Walls reckons they have problems all over the field and that one of the best key forwards in the game should have a run on the ball or on the wing;
• Grant Thomas, the former St Kilda coach, reckons they went for a soft win and that there is a difference between losing and getting beaten. At least he would know…
• Patrick Smith would prefer to see one of the best key forwards in the game play at centre half back…though to his credit, this was before the match last Friday.

So now Nick Riewoldt has to answer to all that and defend his team mates while he prepares to play this weekend and kick goals, playing on the ball, a bit on the wing and becoming the new centre half back!

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At least Geelong coach Mark Thompson doesn’t believe a word of it…mainly because the Cats play the Saints this Saturday, but also because the deluge of media commentators racing themselves to identify ‘The Biggest Loser’ that week goes typically over the top. Losing happens to eight clubs every single week, they learn stuff about themselves and work to avoid it happening again.

If the Saints do beat Geelong this week, watch out for the commentators racing themselves (again) to profess how Ross Lyon must have listened to their every word. But even if they can’t beat the Cats (join the long queue there), things aren’t that bad at St Kilda…not right now anyway.

If they get towelled up by a Melbourne or Carlton later in the year as they languish in 13th, then the sky is falling. But not now.

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Now that St Kilda is not imploding, what else is happening in footy:

• Hawthorn’s Mark Williams fined 500 bucks for urinating during a VFL match…so the guy wees on a footy field, during a game, was completely sober (presumably) and gets off lightly compared to Kane Johnson and Fev? Doesn’t that seem weird?
• Gee, everybody really wants Michael Voss to coach the new Gold Coast team, don’t they!
• Terry Wallace really wants improved training facilities…but really needs improved players! Or, until that happens, his good players to not suck!
• Have Sydney found the next Adam Goodes? Why – are the umpires in love with this guy as well?
• The Demons finally have some goal posts appear at training…yeah, they could come in handy!