Round Five – ‘Life After Barry’ Round

Just a quick clarification, that headline refers to Barry Hall’s suspension and this round of football being ‘Life After Barry’…we are not prematurely killing off a former Brownlow medallist and Sydney great by preparing for ‘life after Barry Round’!

We all know Barry Hall…footballer, boxer, mind-snapper. We all know what he did and that we won’t be seeing him for long time. So with big bad bustling Barry Brainfade kicking back on a psychiatrist’s couch for the next two months, are we likely to see such an ugly incident on an AFL field ever again? We certainly hope not…but wouldn’t it be amazing if a similar incident occurred this weekend!!!

…

But who would be so moronic as to do something like that? Is there a player out there that could be that damn idiotic to clock an opponent behind the play just days after the sucker punch that stopped the nation?

Sure there is! Just look at Kane Johnson copying the Fev by weeing outside…nobody could believe the stupidity but yet, it happened. So for every match in ‘Life After Barry’ round, we identify which player is most likely to suffer from one of Barry’s embarrassing brain or mind fades or snaps or explosions.

…

TEAM NEWS

• St Kilda’s bearded wonder has been dropped!
• But Matthew Lloyd is back…though he couldn’t grow a beard if he tried;
• Sure, it took a Barry Hall mind explosion for it to happen but Nick Davis is back for Sydney!
• Clearly Staker is no faker – the guy won’t be right to play this weekend!
• Richmond would love to pick Mark Coughlan some day but his comeback is not going so smoothly;
• Chris Tarrant doesn’t seem to be doing a whole lot of anything right now…

…

TIPS FOR ‘LIFE AFTER BARRY’ ROUND

SAINTS by 16: Well, if St Kilda can’t beat a hamstrung Essendon then perhaps they are in a bit of strife!

CATS by 21: Geelong have 13 players set to be involved in the Hall of Fame match next month – that’s over half their team! How the heck can a mere AFL club beat these guys?

CROWS by 18: Unless Jeff Farmer kicks as many goals as both he and Tarrant used to, (back when they could play), Adelaide should be fine.

HAWKS by 21: We predict that Leigh Matthews might be a little distracted by the events of 1985 and the Hawks will score a vital win in BrisVegas

PIES by 5: The Pies will be buzzing now that Jono Brown will captain Collingwood next season…pfffft!

BLUES by 45: Carlton to win two matches in a row? Wow – all of Brett Ratten’s Christmases have come at once!

DOGS by 31: Richmond may have scored a big upset in the west but two wins in a row? No way – that’s just not their style at all!

EAGLES by 16: One of these psycho coaches might suffer a Barry-Hall style brain snap if they lose another game…we’d prefer it to be John Worsfold but think it might be Mark Williams instead.

…

Tonight’s action:

THE “STEVEN BAKER MEMORIAL” MATCH

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 7:40pm (local): St Kilda v Essendon (SEVEN)

• St Kilda tagger Steven Baker, like Barry Round, is still with us and would have been a great addition to ‘Life After Barry’ round. He is fit and raring to go but, unfortunately, he can’t play just yet…
• But, in tribute to Baker, who could possibly lose their mind tonight? Hard to see anybody else from the Saints…maybe it’s up to Essendon’s Nathan Lovett-Murray?
• Fraser Gehrig might have been a good choice and he is fit as well but, according to the Saints, not quite raring to go. It seems that the forward 50 is not quite big enough for Frase, Nick Riewoldt and Kossie any more.
• The soft tissue damage investigation continues at Windy Hill…you suspect that the Bombers would probably settle for a respectable loss tonight if it meant no other player tore a hamstring !
• Sheedy and Hird might have moved on but the members have jumped on board, the club achieving a record membership figure this week. Perhaps the extra money can go towards a few trip to Germany to see Max Rooke miracle hamstring doctor!