A Doughnut! My Kingdom For A Doughnut! (The Lost Weekend)

Travis Cloke beats up on two Demons at once…Dad must be so proud!

Melbourne may have been out there doing it for the jumper but Collingwood did it for the Queen! The Magpies were made to battle hard by a fired-up Demons outfit before running out clear winners in the Queens Birthday clash at the MCG yesterday. Not even the loss of two key players or the inspired state of an opponent reflecting on a storied history could stop the Pies.

While Collingwood are now entrenched in the top eight, the Dees remained rooted to the bottom of the ladder (with the key word being ‘rooted’)…though there could be some light at the end of the tunnel. Paul Gardner is standing down as president of the football club to make way for former great Jim Stynes…who has some big plans for the club. But Melbourne don’t need big plans…they need rich plans. Very, very rich plans!

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If you think it has been a long weekend with eight matches stretched over four days, spare a thought for Kangaroos coach Dean Laidley. Having missed out on something to eat at halftime during Friday night’s game against Geelong, Laidley picked up the phone to order some room service and when his request for doughnuts was turned down, he went totally feral!

WHERE THE F&#$ ARE MY ORIGINAL GLAZED???

The combination of a busted phone and poor coaching decisions due to low blood sugar levels resulted in the Roos going down to the Cats…though Gary Ablett may have been a determining factor as well! So when Dean Laidley’s daughter offered her dad a sweet treat, her timing could have been better…

A Doughnut? Well, it’s a bit bloody late now!

Pfffftttt! May as well eat it…

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Here’s a wrap of all the events of God Save The Queen Round:

SUNDAY

Everybody, this is Ricky…I pay him to be my friend!!

• The Bullies ease past the Saints thanks to a good group of young pups and one old, flamboyant Dog…setting up a sickening post-match love-in between Aker and Ricky O, who acts as his manager when he’s not mangling the English language as a boundary rider. Ross Lyon is frustrated at the inconsistency of his side…so it looks like he is finally embracing the St Kilda culture!

Wow…so this is what winning feels like!

• The Power find yet another way to screw up their finals hopes – this time they concede seven goals to zip in the final term as Carlton score an amazing victory. While it was a great occasion for Brett Ratten’s boys, Mark Williams can wonder how his side can get any chokier!

NEWSFLASH! Someone other than Brown or Bradshaw just kicked a goal for Brisbane!!

• Fremantle were not even good enough to choke away a final-quarter lead as Brisbane won their fourth straight to stay on track for a top-four challenge. But beware the Dockers…the most dangerous losers in the AFL!

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SATURDAY

Another failed test…perhaps these Tigers should go back to school!

• Another test for Richmond…another ‘F’! The Tigers fall to pieces after half time as the Crows romp it in with midfielder Scott Thompson kicking six goals. This craptacular performance prompted Terry Wallace to forecast yet another overhaul of his side…but that won’t be much help. Plough can drop as many guys as he likes…he can only replace them with other Richmond players!

Essendon’s worst nightmare!

• Hawthorn overpower Essendon in the second half as Buddy Franklin does it again…well, kicks a shitload of goals at least! Alastair Clarkson praised his young star for sticking it to his critics…though nobody has ever actually criticised his on-field play. If Buddy really wanted to prove doubters wrong, he should not get kicked out of nightclubs by bouncers and talk politely to ladies…that’ll show ‘em!

Fixing matchups or playing Scrabble? Either way, Paul Roos whistles while he works another miracle…

• The West Coast and Sydney produce yet another classic…this time it’s the Swans who stage a massive comeback and Jude Bolton snatches the lead in the final minute for an amazing five-point win! While Sydney’s senior players stepped up when it counted, it will be interesting to see how they go next week without Adam Goodes. Because he has to get suspended this time, doesn’t he? Ah…nup!

The head may be sacrosanct but for Mr Reprimand, it makes a nice target!

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