Holy Crap! (Round 13 – Ling For The Brownlow!)

DUDE! My team is so frickin’ sweet! This is totally killer!!!

Well, that was fairly impressive. Bomber Thompson could do nothing but look on dreamily as his Cats thumped the living suitcase out of the West Coast Eagles at Subi last night. Gary Ablett completely ruined our Cameron Ling for the Brownlow campaign by not getting reported during another stand-out performance.

John Worsfold probably felt like smashing an assistant coach about the face during the flogging but stated post-match that the future for his team is still very bright. He probably didn’t realise that the Eagles have to travel to Geelong in round 22…but then if they have a priority draft pick on the line in that game, another crushing defeat may well brighten up their future!

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In other action yesterday:

• Did North Melbourne dust off that old Shinboner Spirit cliche during the week? Whatever they did worked a treat because they pretty much led from start to finish against the previously high flying Hawks. Then again, Jeff Kennett did say something stupid in the lead-up to the match…
• Hold the front page! The Tigers win two in a row…barely! Terry Wallace is not talking up Richmond’s finals chances just yet…nor should he – there are only five teams below them on the ladder and they just beat two of them. But Mark Williams has written off his team for this year yet again…though we think he really, really means it this time!
• Leigh Matthews is a tough man to impress but he must have liked what he saw last night! The Lions come from behind to beat Adelaide and leave Neil Craig lamenting the effort of his Slow Crows. No doubt, Craig will invent a kooky new training technique this week to combat this…look out for it on the news.

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Today’s matches:

SUNDAY

Brett Kirk: GUILTY of making contact with an umpire…after accusing the ump of ruining his path to enlightenment due to a poor free kick decision. REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

Manuka Oval, Canberra – 1:10pm (local): Melbourne v Sydney (FOX)

• Sydney have their Fantastic Four all playing together again…though could probably afford to rest three of them for this game if they wanted…
• Will we ever see Nick Davis play AFL again? Does he even give a shit? He should…because they don’t seem to be missing him at all!
• Ah…it appears that Nick Davis does give a shit! Either that or he has hired a old beaten-up rugby league player to bash up a Swans official…
• Melbourne say that they are picking their side on form…well, if that were true, they’d have only picked eight or nine guys! How have they managed to select 22 players plus three emergencies?
• How do you know when your club is in crisis? When they have to sell off one home game to Canberra…and then you start asking for a second game!

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Every Carlton Player: GUILTY by association…REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Carlton v Essendon (SEVEN)

• Dick Pratt stands down as Carlton president after being charged with lying about his knowledge of that price-fixing scandal. Well, Patrick Smith can finally run the column he has had written and waiting to publish for nine months!
• The Fev is getting close to a new contract that might include an extra 100 grand to not be a dickhead!
• Brett Ratten wants things to be business as usual for his top-eight side…they are in the eight for the first time in, like, six years! Good luck with the whole business-as-usual thing.
• New record holder and veteran defender Dustin Fletcher is clearly a sucker for punishment…he wants to play for another year!
• Matthew Lloyd looks likely to play more up-field from now on…now they need to find a new forward target to play for free kicks in front of goal!

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Adam Cooney: GUILTY of rough conduct…he stared threateningly at James Clement in 2007, forcing him into an early retirement. REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 4:40pm (local): Collingwood v Western Bulldogs (FOX)

• The Doggies seem to saying this every week now, but they are looking forward to playing on the big stage. Well, enjoy the big stage while it lasts…you have Port Adelaide in Darwin next week!
• The Jason Akermanis Controversial Discussion Topic Of The Week for round 13 is…tanking! Rodney Eade does the back-tracking for him but at least Aker is playing well this year so Eade can take the good with the bad.
• Adam Cooney is playing down his Brownlow Medal chances…and after what Gary Ablett did to the Eagles last night, we can see why!
• Nice try Collingwood…having good players out injured does make you ‘unpredictable’ but it’s unlikely to be an advantage this week! It’s more like the way Britney Spears is ‘unpredictable’ at the moment…
• Besides, if the Pies lose today it won’t be due to the injuries…it will be due to the umpiring!