Finals Just Around The Corner (Geekin’ Out – Fantasy Footy)

Half Back Flanker will be lining up in the finals…but will Shaun Higgins be back in time? It’s not looking good!

Round 18 in the AFL is not usually that significant in the whole scheme of football…unless you are retiring like Adam Simpson. But for fantasy geeks nationwide, it’s damn important…it’s the last round of the regular season! And Half Back Flanker will be there at the business end in all five fantasy footy leagues, though our chances at a virtual premiership seem to be limited to the AFL Dream Team competition. Having won in all three leagues last round, we look set for top-four finishes and the valuable double chance in our Public and the Francis Leach SEN leagues. I am particularly happy with fourth spot in the SEN league as it is a pretty tough league (617th in league average score) but our likely first round opponent is the 114th ranked team in the whole competition so that double chance will come in handy!

Our chances for glory in Herald Sun Super Coach took a battering last week with a loss in the Public League, leaving us no hope of finishing in the four. So it will be do-or-die for us in round 19 here…as it will be in the AFL Premium Dream Team, where we are struggling to find consistency and are facing a one-and-done situation in the finals unless we can produce something special.

So the aim this week is pretty simple. No trades and, hopefully, no more injuries so that we can use our final trades on strengthening our squad rather than replacing good players. The Shaun Higgins groin injury is bad enough…let’s hope things don’t get any worse!

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Dream Team 32,728 points overall, 13,961th place – highest overall ranking of the season.

Last Week: 2,215 points – topped last week’s season high, peaking at the right time, I hope!

League Results

Public League – defeated 2009t1 (2,025). Without last week’s upgrade, this could have been a loss.

SENFrank01 – defeated HARDCORE HARRY (1,757). Win the vital fourth v fifth match and leapfrog Harry on the ladder.

Twitter DT – defeated Germinators  (2,104). Sorry Jermayn from Kick2Kick…normally a score like yours is more than enough to knock me off!

Ladder Positions

Public League – 3rd place (10-4, 118.78%) – Could still finish in the four with a loss this week but would need results to go our way.

SENFrank01 – 4th place (9-5, 105.37%) – Only a massive loss this week could see us drop out of the four.

Twitter DT – 5th place (10-4, 106.39%)  – Still a chance at fourth but will depend on other results.

Good:  Nine scores over 100 points, including our two new buys Tarkyn Lockyer (103) and Dane Swan (131) who proved a good choice as captain in his debut. However, vice captain Joel Selwood’s massive outing (185) would have been even better…not complaining though.

Bad: Simon Hogan (44) couldn’t reproduce his 100-plus score from the previous week in the blockbuster at the ‘G on Saturday night. But then neither could Hawk Luke Hodge (50)!

Ugly: Watching Shaun Higgins hobble off with a recurrence of his groin problem on Saturday night. Can’t see him back playing in time for week one of the finals.

Next opponents:

Public League – 7th placed Finals or Bust  (1,759 last week). No bust – they will play finals but need more than Steve Johnson’s return to make any impact.

SENFrank01 – 7th mansnotacamel  (2,068 last week). No, he is not…and he might not make the top eight unless they beat us!

Twitter DT – 15th placed Hybrid Flyers (1,591 last week). Pretty much a guaranteed win. And if fourth-placed D Team lose, and they have a tough opponent, we get the double chance.

Potential changes/trades: Higgins and Liam Jurrah move to the bench due to injury but at least we have 22 fit players. No trades this week, leaving us three trades to make during the finals.

Captain: Despite Selwood’s outstanding game on the weekend, the job belongs to Swan.

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Super Coach 35,107 points overall, 16,496th place – nice rise in the overall, fourth highest rank for the season.

Last Week: 2,373 points – second-highest score for the season, our best was recorded way back in round three!

League Results

GMHBA – lost to All Champs No Duds (2,518). Knocked off by the best team in our comp, no double chance for me!

Ladder Positions

GMHBA – 5th place (9-5, 105.92%) Will finish anywhere between fifth and seventh.

Good:  More than half the team topped 100 points, newly-acquired ruckman Darren Jolly (169) outstanding while Matthew Pavlich’s comeback from injury produced a big 130-point effort.

Bad:  Not too much…Hamish McIntosh (63) was well below average while Robin Nahas (55) might need to swap roles with bench forward Jurrah (70).

Ugly: Higgins, obviously, but no Jack Grimes is a bit of a worry for our defence as well. We definitely need him back for the finals…

Next opponents:

GMHBA – 8th placed Hardy’s Heroes (1,754 last week). Nothing really on the line for us this week.

Potential changes/trades: Three trades left and saving them all for next week! Higgins, Jurrah and Sam Gilbert all go to the bench but fortunately Steve Johnson and Hayden Skipworth both return so we have a full side.

Captain: Ablett and Swan as captain and vice are the best bets.

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Not sure what Aker is up to here…but if it helps him fire up for this weekend, go for it!

Premium Dream Team

Last Week: 1,517 points – Much better than last week’s debacle!

League Results

Public League – lost to Silly Fairies (1,731). In the top hundred overall…hence the hiding!

Ladder Positions

Public League – 6th place (4-4, 97.47%) About right…at best, we are a middle of the road team.

Good:  Sam Gilbert (118) and Bernie Vince (109) plus seven other players with 90-plus.

Bad:  Scott McMahon (38) not scoring well in the second half of the season while the Dean Solomon experiment failed with a 45-point return.

Ugly: Our two highest scores of the round – both on the bench! Jason Blake (133) and Brent Prismall (123) counted for nought in our score plus Cyril Rioli, who I benched in favour of Solomon, also picked up 90 points.

Next opponents:

Public League – 2nd placed TheDream Team  (1,783 last week). Looks like we take another hiding leading into an elimination final the following week.

Potential changes/trades: Having spotted Melbourne’s Colin Sylvia without a team, we waited until his suspension ended and pounced on him (Dean Solomon out) as soon as trading became available on Sunday night. The other two trades were used to redeploy our reserve ruckman into defence – Jason Blake and his 100-plus scores the last two matches have gone to waste so we dumped him for the returning Justin Koschitzke and then redrafted Blake for Roo defender Scott McMahon. Cyril Rioli and Brent Prismall are also promoted to the starting line-up.

Captain: Sure, it smacks of Essendon bias…but I’m taking captain duties from Adam Cooney and handing them to Prismall! He’s gone from bench to captain in one week…though this probably means that Jobe Watson (bench) will outscore him this round.

Thank Goodness. I Was So Worried… (Media Street)

WHY SO SERIOUS? Gee, life at Collingwood is going to be one big barrel of laughs for the next five years, isn’t it?

Now we can all get on with our lives! You know how anxious I was getting about the future of Nathan Buckley. I thought he would never find a job. But we can all relax now – we know what Bucks is going to do for the next five years…well, sorta.

Both he and Mick Malthouse have signed five-year deals with the Magpies with Malthouse remaining as senior coach for two more seasons and Buckley starting off as an assistant…though Eddie McGuire and friends will probably invent a much more important sounding title for Bucks. Football Intelligence Coordinator, perhaps? Vice President of Onfield KPI Production? Director of Training Fluid Replenishment?

And the crowd goes wild! The gathered media could barely contain their excitement!!!

Despite some nasty cynics suggesting that Malthouse would struggle accepting this type of succession plan, he appears happy to step aside for Bucks to take the helm. Though it could be a case of Mick being so stressed out about his contract negotiations that he was prepared to agree to anything! What he does for the remaining three years has yet to be fully sorted out…Football Overlord? Executive Producer of Monotone Press Conferences? Guess the Pies can make it up as they go along…apparently that is what ‘prototype’ means!

Opinions will vary greatly about the decision. Is this a footballing masterstroke? Will it turn into one big stinky pile of poop? But we shouldn’t be that surprised…this is the Collingwood way, after all!

The off-kilter tie. The shirt that doesn’t match. There is your Channel Nine exclusive…Tony Jones dresses in the dark!

Maybe that was little harsh on Tony Jones. It must have been a busy day yesterday – you know; with the press conference, recording and filing news reports and, most importantly, writing grovelly, suck-hole articles about how the guy that once ran his TV network is a freakin’ genius! But, in all honestly, it appears to be a great arrangement for all parties involved and Magpie fans should be delighted with this.

However, there is just something about the thought of Eddie McGuire’s wildest dreams coming true that makes me want to mix Red Bull and Stilnox together, drink it to excess and hope I forget the whole thing is even happening! Apparently, it works a treat…

Round Seventeen – Oh So Bitter!

Hawthorn thought they had the upper hand over rivals Geelong…until Bartel’s point after the siren changed everything!

Rivalry round. It kinda snuck up on us a bit…probably because the League didn’t seem to dedicate a lot of time on promoting the event. They did create a web page where you can spend lots of money on sponsors product that you either already have or don’t really need! So that’s something…I guess.

But, as you would expect, the footy did all the talking and the weekend delivered some outstanding games. Not always pretty, some downright ugly, but never boring! And the level of some of these rivalries has now intensified to greater levels after round seventeen action.

No doubting who is number one right now in the Collingwood-Carlton rivalry. It’s Neon Leon and the Pies!

Geelong and Hawthorn added another exhilarating chapter to their playing history…but this time it was the Cats who got one over the Hawks. Sure, it wasn’t a grand final but a big win just the same. Collingwood got one over Carlton in one of the longest standing rivalries in the game. And while all the heritage-listed footy journos in Melbourne might scoff at the thought that the rivalry between the Crows and Power is the biggest right now, they may have a point. There was no talk about revenge in the lead up to Pies verses Blues…or ‘The Death Derby’! Only in Adelaide…

Whoops! Scott Welsh’s screw-up made the Doggies interchange bench a very intense place to be…

That long-standing rivalry between modern technology and a footballer’s brain came to the fore on Saturday night when failure to read a magnetic whiteboard resulted in 19 Western Bulldogs starting on the ground in the final quarter! The battle between player and umpire also intensified with Hawk coach Alastair Clarkson wondering whether Buddy Franklin will receive a free kick any time soon. And the League flat out refuses to concede defeat in the battle for respectability in the football world regarding the priority draft pick system. Andy D is not afraid to take on his rivals in this one…but there are so damn many of them, would he even have the time?

This post-match interview was TV so bad that you couldn’t look away…so expect Channel Nine buy it and make it a 20-episode series!

But our favourite new rivalry was started by an innocent but talkative boundary rider after the Cats-Hawks game…it’s Cancer verses Depression! Channel Ten’s Andy Maher conducted a highly awkward post-match interview with Geelong captain (for the day) Cameron Ling where he babbled on about the importance of playing for the BeyondBlue cup. But, according to Maher, BeyondBlue  are assisting in the fight against cancer! Ling did his absolute best to remain composed before correcting Maher that BeyondBlue is actually the national depression initiative! Ling then explained why it was such a prominent issue for people in Geelong right now! Probably not the best time to stuff that one up on live TV…

That was followed by an equally awkward presentation where the lady with the cup was completely ignored, only given a short “pass it over” command from Maher before she just wandered off…which Ling probably wished he could have done as well! Good to see that the rivalry between the footy media and the English language is still alive and well…

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The Games:

“Marriage proposal, wedding day, birth of a child…forget it! Marking the footy after a Collingwood goal will be the happiest moment of this Magpie fan’s entire life!

So, how is that top-four finish for Carlton looking now? And how could a story like that run in The Age and not be written by Blues lover Robert Walls? At least Wallsy is a realist…predicting that Collingwood would find more goal scorers and hold steady in defence against the Fev-focused Carlton. Spot on. It wasn’t pretty though and Brett Ratten should have plenty of kicking drills in mind for his boys this week!

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Geelong have won a shitload of games recently but they would have never celebrated a victory so much since grand final day in 2007!

James Bartel…you friggin’ beauty! Geelong come from 28 points down in the final term to beat Hawthorn with a point after the siren. The Cats may have injuries galore but wins like this can do wonders for their self belief. The Hawks may have let more than just four points slip on Saturday…the premiership defence might just have ended as well!

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211cm Aaron Sandilands…a tough assignment for opposing ruckmen and presenters-draping-medals-over-his-head alike!

Hard to believe that Fremantle could have a mental advantage over anybody but it’s starting to look that way with the Western Derby. The Dockers have now won five straight against the West Coast after winning a tight one by less than a kick. Apparently the win is a great indicator for what Freo can achieve in the future…yep, like we have never heard that about the Dockers! Still waiting…

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If this guy ends up a winner on Grand Final day, and it’s looking very likely, I will throw up a little in my mouth…

If, like me, you made the trendy pick of the Bulldogs to end St Kilda’s quest for The Perfect Season…then you must be feeling as stupid as I do right now! The Saints dominated early, weathered the storm in the middle and ran riot in the end. And now they are going to win every game on their way to the flag and that little twerp Stephen Milne will become…don’t make me type it…a premiership player! What a terrifying thought!!! Next game, quickly…

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Finals footy, Coleman medals…Jonathan Brown has missed out recently but is just about to get all that back again!

Jono Brown goes berserk with eight goals as the Brisbane Lions cruise past North Melbourne to pretty much ensure themselves a spot in the finals. Browny is now looking good for the Coleman medal having overtaken Brendan Fevola at the top of the goal kicking list – which would be a fair result considering one of those blokes tries his guts out every week and doesn’t sulk it up…and the other clearly doesn’t!

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This is probably the highlight of the Sydney-Melbourne match…that there was a final score and it was over!

The rivalry between Sydney and Melbourne, or more generally New South Wales and Victoria, has been alive and well in all aspects of life, especially sports, for over 100 years…except for AFL footy! The Swans and Demons don’t have any semblance of intense rivalry – hence this match being played in front of a few thousand curious onlookers in Canberra. Sydney won, by the way…

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They blew it last week and they almost blew it this week too…but the Tigers finally get to belt out that kick-ass club song again!

It’s a Monday night, the last day in August, and the Essendon players will be pissed, tired, emotional and dressed up  in women’s clothing or whatever it is they do at the end of season party. If they start to wonder why they are not planning for an elimination final game that weekend, they have Sunday’s effort to thank! Richmond wins and they thoroughly deserve it…

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Hey, I remember you…you’re Brett “The Birdman” Burton!!! Welcome back.

The Adelaide Crows take the honours in the Showdown and become the toast of the town…much to the delight of a large majority of that town! A 70-point win, Brett Burton back doing what he does best, damaging Port’s chances at sneaking into the finals and the opportunity to laugh at Chad Cornes -Rivalry Round could not have been any more perfect for Crows fans.

Fifth Disease! (Geekin’ Out – Fantasy Footy)

Pick any fantasy football league that Half Back Flanker is involved in…and all you see is this number!

Apparently, fifth disease is a minor illness that young kiddies get that makes them look like they copped a football to the face…just like Sam Mitchell against Collingwood last week. But I may have just discovered a new strain of the disease that only affects fantasy football team owners! It’s kinda like the disease that Richmond reportedly suffers from where they have to finish ninth…

What are the symptoms? Well, we entered five different leagues over three separate competitions and this week, we sit in fifth spot on the ladder in every single one of them! At least Half Back Flanker has managed some consistency during the 2009 fantasy football season. And with only two rounds remaining in the regular season, every match is crucial for making the top four and ensuring a double chance in August – the ‘Virtual September’!

But if we want to claim a spot in the top four for these leagues, we will have to earn it. And what better way to achieve this than to knock off the fourth-placed team…a task we face in three of our leagues this round! Amazingly, the fifth-placed Half Back Flanker plays the team directly above them in the Public and SEN leagues of the AFL Dream Team competition and the GMHBA league of the Herald Sun Super Coach competition. Fifth verses fourth…win and we are in! Lose and face the possibility of being ‘one-and-done’ in the finals.

But to give us every chance to finish in the top four, it might be time to reach into our collection of remaining trades and cap space to boost our squad. We have some big names Jimmy Bartel and Matthew Pavlich back this week but still no sign of Steve Johnson for my Super Coach squad…and now that ruckman Mark Jamar is out too,  we either need a back-up or a straight trade with him! Didn’t need that right now…

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Luke Hodge is firing again…can you feel the love!!!

Dream Team 30,513 points overall, 16,116th place – crept up a couple of thousands spots overall, nice little bonus.

Last Week: 2,187 points – a season-high weekly result…just when I needed it!

League Results

Public League – defeated Superstars (1,688). They struggled big time without Peter Burgoyne and Aaron Sandilands.

SENFrank01 – defeated Soti’s Superstars (1,653). Not a bad score for them considering the number of injured stars out.

Twitter DT – defeated Comsroom Killers  (1,594). Only two 100-plus guys and another two missing really gave them no chance!

Ladder Positions

Public League – 5th place (9-4, 119.70%) – One win behind third and fourth but have the best percentage in the comp.

SENFrank01 – 5th place (8-5, 103.85%) – Less than one percent behind fourth…which is probably the highest we can get.

Twitter DT – 5th place (9-4, 106.49%) Equal with fourth on wins but percentage not good enough. Need the extra win for a double chance.

Good:  Hawk duo Luke Hodge (138) and Lance Franklin (106) among our ten 100-plus guys this week. Our risky choice as captain paid off with Hamish McIntosh racking up 120 points while our trade for Geelong’s Simon Hogan (104) paid immediate dividends.

Bad: The loss of Jed Adcock in defence leaves us a little vulnerable when our inexperienced guys like Greg Broughton and Jack Grimes don’t pull big numbers. Shannon Hurn (54) is not producing either but he will either be an upgrade target or an emergency come finals time anyway.

Ugly: Every week that Matthew Pavlich misses with his calf problem. He has selected to play this week and would love him back firing for the finals rather than breaking down again and us burning one of our final trades to replace him.

Next opponents:

Public League – 4th placed 2009t1 (2,038 last week). Hawk heavy team that is also loving the resurgence of Hodge and Buddy!

SENFrank01 – 4th placed HARDCORE HARRY (1,691 last week). Would be even more hardcore if Jimmy Bartel, Steve Johnson, Pavlich and Cox had played. If they are out of trades then we might be fourth next week!

Twitter DT – 6th placed Germinators (1,971 last week). Must win against a team that should improve if Steve Johnson plays.

Potential changes/trades: The injury to Jack Grimes has forced our hand in defence as we have seen that playing Courtenay Dempsey and Shannon Hurn together doesn’t usually end well…plus we have no emergency defender. Time to cash in Jed Adcock for an elite…how about Tarkyn Lockyer? Rarely fails to produce and, believe it or not, actually costs less than Adcock so we have a few extra grand for later! This move allows us to bench Hurn and provided Grimes will be back in time for the finals, the back line looks good.

If we make a second trade, it would be to upgrade the midfield. There has been doubt over Paul Hasleby all week and with Daniel Rich still powering on, the temptation is there to cash in Hasleby and turn him into Dane Swan. We have the funds and would still have plenty to spare for our final three trades of the season…

Captain: Scott Pendlebury is very reliable and now that the Hawks had success with tagging Alan Didak, the Blues might follow suit. If this allows Pendlebury to rack up the stats, great for us!

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James Bartel was sidelined last week…hopefully he has a big one in store on the weekend!

Super Coach 32,734 points overall, 20,217th place – again down slightly, suffering from playing short.

Last Week: 2,136 points – not bad for just 21 players…and three definite forward line starters out!

League Results

GMHBA – defeated Champs (2,058). It wasn’t by much but an important win with one less player that guarantees finals action.

Ladder Positions

GMHBA – 5th place (9-4, 107.12%) Could finish anywhere between fourth and sixth…but most likely to stay in fifth and miss the double chance.

Good:  Eleven players over 90 points with Daniel Rich (149) leading the pack and looking like a keeper the whole way – rare for a rookie. Dane Swan (140) was next best while captain Gary Ablett (124) is still great value even during his quieter games.

Bad:  Patrick Dangerfield has had a good year but unlike Rich, he doesn’t score big every week. His 42 point effort didn’t quite fill the shoes of the injured James Bartel.

Ugly: My face if Pavlich and Hayden Skipworth do not play this upcoming week. Steve Johnson is out already so we would be a player short yet again…

Next opponents:

GMHBA – 4th placed All Champs No Duds (2,381 last week). Unfortunately for us, the name is pretty accurate. If they all fire, we are toast!

Potential changes/trades: Pavlich and Skipworth (Sunday squad) are both named so we have cover for the absence of Johnson but have none for Jamar in the ruck. He is listed as out with a quad…which is potentially a number of weeks. We were hoping to use our final four trades on upgrading rather than replacing but we can’t afford to be one player down. Jamar out…and Sydney’s Darren Jolly in!

We also have a Grimes/Adcock bench in defence and Melbourne’s Kyle Cheney is in the Sunday squad but no guarantee of playing. So time to cash in on Adcock…but do we go with Lockyer here as well? He is significantly cheaper so we stand to make a nice profit but Adcock’s Brisbane teammate Josh Drummond is slightly cheaper again and one of the few defenders with a 100-plus average. However, Drummond is injury prone so while the payoff could be high, Lockyer is a safer bet to survive the season.

Captain: Whispers of injury troubles for Gary Ablett will have plenty of owners nervous but we will stay with him as captain, Swan is a more than capable vice captain should Ablett sit this one out.

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Premium Dream Team

Last Week: 1,393 points – Just when we were getting better with every week…disaster!

League Results

Public League – lost to Shellys Boys (1,562). No nailbiting finish this week…this one wasn’t even close!

Ladder Positions

Public League – 5th place (4-3, 99.06%) Behind fourth on percentage only but top three out of reach.

Good:  Hamish McIntosh (120), Adam Cooney (108) and Sam Gilbert (100) were the few shining lights, Cooney’s double points as captain proving handy.

Bad:  Only one midfielder topping the 100 mark with Jobe Watson (38) and Bernie Vince (49) well down on their averages. Sub-50 scores from Bret Thornton and Josh Drummond didn’t help either…

Ugly: Should have known that whoever I benched out of Bombers Watson and Brent Prismall, the benched guy will score higher. And sure enough, I missed Prismall’s 91 point effort.

Next opponents:

Public League – 3rd placed Silly Fairies  (1,628 last week). Really good team. Think I’m in line for a third straight loss…

Potential changes/trades: Justin Koschitzke’s one-match suspension and far from stunning scores saw him kicked to the curb this week, Freo’s Dean Solomon coming straight in. Jared Brennan has been selected to play but if he pulls out late, Cyril Rioli is waiting in the wings. Campbell Brown will also start in the place of the injured Grimes.

Captain: Adam Cooney will need a big game against the Saints to help get the Doggies home – he is my captain again so I’m banking on it! Hamish McIntosh takes Bryce Gibbs’ spot as deputy.

Round Sixteen – Let’s Help Nathan Buckley Find A Job!

Nathan Buckley is interested in coaching? He has kept that quiet…

Half Back Flanker would like to take this opportunity to apologise and correct what appears to have been a poor lapse in editorial judgement. It has become quite apparent that this site has failed to give due consideration to the importance of the future direction of Nathan Buckley’s football career. See…we have not really focused on this story a great deal – mainly due to the eight games of football played every week that kinda determine who makes the finals and wins the premiership. Yeah, you know…the football games. Clearly this is a total mistake and we are really very sorry.

The amount of discussion about Buckley’s future employment status has been freakin’ intense, even by AFL standards. Half Back Flanker could only resist for so long but the power of Buckley is too great! The media discussions that start with “I know everybody is sick to death talking about Buckley but…” and then talking about Buckley for 45 minutes! The man himself making media appearances, paid and unpaid, to announce that he will not discuss his position in the media! And the articles…the endless stream of articles! Not sure which one was the final straw for me – maybe it was this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…

So if it is Buckley we want (and clearly, this is all we want!) then it is Buckley we will get. Initially, I was hoping to concentrate on Andy D’s “What Tanking?” media campaign on the weekend. The big man on the AFL campus spoke to every radio station on Saturday afternoon to announce the League’s official position on the perception of teams being rewarded for losing and exploiting the priority draft system. His stance is this – unless a football club proves that ‘tanking’ exists by formally announcing that they are not trying to win games, then it does not exist.

Of course, we all know that a club would never, ever say that they are deliberately losing games. That does not mean it could never happen! And if you use the same ‘Andy D Logic’ for other issues in footy, like the prospect of playing football on Good Friday, it also makes little sense. “Um, we won’t play footy on a Good Friday until God proves that He/She would not be offended? So we have to wait until He/She materialises on this Earth and gives us the Thumbs Up? Or does Andy D require He/She to release a press statement?

“Good Friday footy? Yes, you have my blessing! But only if Nathan Buckley is coaching one of the teams…”

Andy D’s woeful strategy of denial deserves more attention and scrutiny than it has received. But it won’t happen. And why is that? Nathan Bloody Buckley…that’s why!

“Great, we are getting flogged by Richmond! Nathan Buckley will never want to coach us now…”

Luckily for James Brayshaw, his Kangas fought back for a draw. Will that effort help them snag Bucks? And if so, can they just do it quickly so we can all get on with our lives?

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The Games:

“Dennis…if you ask me one more time about ‘my new job’, I’ll be forced to apply some frontal pressure on you!”

Essendon did all they could to knock off the favoured Western Bulldogs in the pressurised, cauldron-like atmosphere of Whatshishead Stadium…but somebody must have lifted the lid at half-time and the Dogs ran over the top of the Bombers. Rodney Eade was saying the ‘F’ word after the match – fitness. Matthew Knights was probably saying the ‘F’ word during the game but afterwards, the only ‘F’ word he uttered was ‘footskills’…or a lack of them.

Nathan Buckley called this game as a commentator for Channel Seven and his in-depth analysis demonstrated why he is guaranteed to be a coaching great.

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“Come on boys, we’ve gotta keep winning games and make the finals! Otherwise Nathan Buckley might think the Carlton job is available too!!!”

Carlton had not won three games in a row for a number of years but numerous high draft picks and a Chris Judd later, they have done it! It was one of the more disappointing days for Swans coach Paul Roos though Ted Richards didn’t have a lot of fun either!

Nathan Buckley called this game as a commentator for 3AW and his in-depth analysis demonstrated why he is guaranteed to be a coaching great.

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Geelong’s worst losing streak in ages is finally over! The Cats can finally sing the club song again after two weeks of post-match silence with an easy win over Melbourne.For Dean Bailey, well…it was fun while it lasted!

Nathan Buckley watched the game tape in the early hours of Sunday morning and, based on his coaching philosophy, projected that he would have guided the Dees to a two-goal win had he been Melbourne coach for the day.

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If the Pies kept winning, they couldn’t possibly replace Mick Malthouse as coach. So when Buddy, Clarko and Sammy sang loudly on Saturday night, Bucks might have joined in too…

Stopping Hawk Lance Franklin was supposed to be the main focus for Collingwood last Saturday night…which is great in theory. But the reality proved to be too tough and, all of a sudden, the Hawks are back in the finals race and looking dangerous.

Nathan Buckley watched the game from home, dressed in one of his old Magpie tracksuits, using the quarter time breaks to sprint down his driveway in preparation for running onto the ground to deliver stirring speeches to his players when he becomes a coach.

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The Dockers didn’t handle the rainy conditions well. No doubt Bucks has a kick-ass wet weather game plan…

Nine losses in a row now for Fremantle…though they were in front of Brisbane for a while, and Mark Harvey has a handy list of excuses on hand, so it’s not all bad. What would be bad is if some rookie other than Daniel Rich won the Rising Star award. Not even notoriously dodgy award voter Kevin Bartlett could selet anybody else but him…could he?

Nathan Buckley was very pleased to hear the result as his own coaching mystique is enhanced with every win rookie coach Michael Voss chalks up!

…and a thorough rotation system to avoid hamstring injuries to key veteran players!

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Another new jumper for Port Adelaide? Did they deliberately make it look more ‘Collingwoody’…just in case Mark Williams quits and Buckley is still available?

Port Adelaide had no trouble beating the Eagles. West Coast had no trouble losing their 19th straight away game. Nathan Buckley has a soft spot for Port; having played there as a heavily mulleted teenager; but would have some trouble going back there to coach…well, he would be forced to grow back the mullet for a start!

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“Sorry lil’ bro…but Bucks should come to the Tigers, not the Roos. Sure – I would lose my job but, come on…it’s Nathan Buckley!!!”

Wow – a draw! There really were no winners after the Tigers-Roos clash. Not the coaches. Not the players…especially those denied a potential match-winning shot at goal. But most importantly, the media couldn’t make the audacious leap that the winning team would be the best coaching option for Buckley!

The man himself called this game as a commentator for Channel Seven and while his in-depth analysis demonstrated why he is guaranteed to be a coaching great, he changed his mind on which club he would choose 18 times during the match and now needs another few weeks to ‘weigh up his options’!

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Clumsy Kossie cops a week…Bucks wouldn’t stand for that type of ill discipline!

Lemme get this straight…The Perfect Season remains alive for the Saints after they won their 16th straight game, rendering Adelaide helpless at times…and they think they are the underdogs heading into their next match? Wow…not even Nathan Buckley would attempt to sell such a crazy mind trick. Would he? Will we ever find out? Will we ever f*#@$ng shut up about Nathan  f*#@$ng Buckley?

You Snooze, You Lose! (Geekin’ Out – Fantasy Footy)

I hesitated with the opportunity to pick up defender Chad Cornes…it ended up costing me victory in Premium Dream Team! Now I feel as dumb as he looks…

Half Back Flanker endured another nail biting finish in the AFL Premium Dream Team comp last week…but this time ended up on the wrong side of the ledger at the end of play. By three points. THREE! LOUSY! POINTS! And this was after missing out on picking up free agent defender Chad Cornes during the week when I had the chance to pick him up. Cornes went on to outscore each of the three defenders I had marked as possible trades for him and it has cost me a fourth straight win. Nice work, brainiac…

It capped a mostly disappointing weekend for our fantasy footy teams – just two wins from our five leagues; both of those coming in AFL Dream Team  for our Public and Twitter DT leagues. And now we face a vital three week stretch leading in to the fantasy finals and a real dilemma. We have six trades remaining in both Dream Team and Herald Sun Super Coach, which we were hoping to save for a major splurge during the finals in the hope of winning a virtual flag. But injuries galore in both comps means we might have to upgrade now and hope those players remain fit and firing for the next seven weeks.

Our injury list includes such footballing luminaries as Dean Cox, Steve Johnson, Jimmy Bartel (Super Coach), Matthew Pavlich, Jed Adcock and Hayden Skipworth (both SC and DT). While the decision will be easy on a player like Adcock, who is pretty much done for the year, what to do with the Bartel/Johnson/Pavlich types who are major contributors bu might not play until next week…or the week after…or the week after that?

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Yeah, Buddy…about freakin’ time!!!

Dream Team 28,326 points overall, 18,420th place – virtually maintained current spot overall, which is a surprise.

Last Week: 1,856 points – lowest weekly score in a month.

League Results

Public League – defeated O’Brien (1,093). Massive win puts me back in the frame for the double chance in the finals.

SENFrank01 – lost to Boost (2,043). Would have needed everything to go right to beat this team…just didn’t happen.

Twitter DT – defeated Bloodbath 1945 (1,850). Lucky. Very freakin’ lucky!

Ladder Positions

Public League – 5th place (8-4, 118.82%) – Good percentage boost should see us play finals now…and maybe a top-four spot.

SENFrank01 – 5th place (7-5, 101.73%) - Percentage hit probably leaves us out of top-four contention, need a win to stay on track for the eight.

Twitter DT – 5th place (8-4, 104.23%) Equal wins with fourth but behind on percentage. Could still finish anywhere between fourth and ninth.

Good:  What a bargain Freo’s Greg Broughton (120) has proved to be…he was clearly our highest scorer this week. Next best was Lance Franklin (113)…and thank goodness for that! It’s been a loooong time coming…

Bad: Benched what appeared to be a tired Paddy Ryder as he faced the Swans…and his 95 points would have made him my equal second-highest defender! Think he might be back in this week…

Ugly: Jed Adcock’s knee…watched it happen on TV and instantly freaked out!

Next opponents:

Public League – 10th placed Superstars (1,808 last week). Solid team that could prove tough to beat.

SENFrank01 – 14th placed Soti’s Superstars  (1,510 last week). A few missing pieces, including Cox, but Ablett should be back. Probable win.

Twitter DT – 12th placed Comsroom Killers  (1,440 last week). Appear to have a number of personnel problems, a loss here would be tragic for us!

Potential changes/trades: We gambled on playing one short last week and, apart from the SEN league, got away with it. We could possibly get away with it again this week but we are only really certain of finals footy in our Public League. By trading Adelaide’s Taylor Walker for somebody like Geelong’s Simon Hogan, we can have a full team this week and make a small earner as well…leaving us a touch over 200 grand in the cap with five trades left.

Captain: This might be a left field choice but Hamish McIntosh is coming off a 100-plus game and faces up against some inexperienced Tiger ruckmen at the ‘G on Sunday. Like his chances of another big score.

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A bit like Jed Adcock’s knee…my Super Coach team is falling apart!

Super Coach 30,598 points overall, 19,250th place – plummeted down the overall standing this round!

Last Week: 1,781 points – second worst scoring round of the season.

League Results

GMHBA – lost to Grenaguns (2,103). Potentially damaging loss but top four not out of reach.

Ladder Positions

GMHBA – 5th place (8-4, 107.42%) One win in final three rounds should be enough for a finals berth.

Good:  A few that you would expect – Paul Chapman (152), Dane Swan (136) and Brendon Goddard (112). And a couple you would have never expected – Patrick Dangerfield with 138? Liam Jurrah with 133?

Bad:  Too many players with below average days…Goddard was my only defender to score more than 70 points! Can’t afford that when you are playing two short.

Ugly: Well, I have Jed Adcock in this comp too…there’s your answer!

Next opponents:

GMHBA – 13th placed  Champs (2,079 last week). Covered the loss of Ablett, Mackie and Johnson with ease. Tough assignment for a bottom-four opponent.

Potential changes/trades: Can’t afford to be three players short this week so time to make some trades. Can’t rely on Dean Cox to come back in a couple of weeks and tear up the comp so he is out…and the choice of elite replacements has narrowed down with Josh Fraser and Aaron Sandilands injured as well. Hamish McIntosh has the fourth highest average of all ruckmen and only costs 405 grand…done – and we make 143 grand to boot!

The second trade has to be a forward and we have four of them unavailable this weekend. Pavlich, Johnson and Skipworth should all be back in a week or two so the odd man out (again) appears to be Walker, who has been out of the Crows lineup for a couple of weeks now. Lance Franklin’s value is down at 344 grand but he is fresh off a 177 point outing against the Roos. So, believe it or not, we can go from being three players short to just one, add McIntosh and Franklin…and make over 130 grand in profit!

Captain: Gary Ablett is back, he’s at home and he is facing the Dees. I’m sold! Dane Swan is a more than capable deputy but hopefully he is not required…as I have no reserve this week with Bartel injured and Hawk Beau Muston at Box Hill.

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His effort on Josh Carr alone is enough to warrant picking up Jared Brennan…now he is back, can he deliver some stats?

Premium Dream Team

Last Week: 1,522 points – Big drop from last week’s season high.

League Results

Public League – lost to peckin away (1,525). Too distressed to talk…

Ladder Positions

Public League – 4th place (4-2, 100.74%)

Good:  Jason Akermanis (122) pulled out a big score under the roof at the Dome while Hamish McIntosh (110) picked up plenty in the ruck down in Tassie. Josh Drummond (101) proved he was worth the wait after a few weeks out.

Bad:  When you lose by three points, you always wonder “what if…” – playing it safe with injured players by benching Jobe Watson (93) for Brent Prismall (71) is one of those decisions.  Campbell Brown’s 38 was also a factor in the loss…especially with reserve Dustin Fletcher’s 81 going to waste.

Ugly: The thought that my decision to sleep on the Cornes trade, and eventually missing out, actually cost me a result…but will it also hurt in the long run?

Next opponents:

Public League – 6th placed Shellys Boys (1,389 last week). Contains many inconsistent players, any result is possible here.

Potential changes/trades: Happy enough with the squad for now but Watson moves into the starting midfield for Prismall, Fletcher in for Brown in defence and Cyril Rioli comes out for…Brisbane’s Jared Brennan! Yes, Brennan was available late last week as somebody dropped him due to his suspension. No Chad Cornes style hesitation on this one – gladly swapped him for Ryan Houlihan and this week comes into the side, sending Cyril Rioli to the bench again.

Captain: Adam Cooney could run amok in the Friday night shootout against Essendon so the captaincy is his this week.

Round Fifteen – The Great Unravelling!

Look on the bright side Sheeds…at least these kids won’t be blaming you for Richmond’s ongoing woes in the future!

Oh, the drama! Something seems to happen every single weekend in AFL footy that makes you sit up and take notice…well, footy stories are always reported with dramatic overtones – whether they are worthy of the hype is up to our discretion. The largest football juggernaut to unravel this weekend was not a player, a team or a club…it was Kevin Sheedy’s coaching aspirations at Richmond!

While the campaign to place Sheeds in charge at Punt Road has been artificially bubbling ever since he left Essendon (thanks to one of his employers, the Herald Sun), it was only officially launched a week or so ago. His former teammate and notorious Punt Road malcontent Kevin Bartlett was leading the charge and the maniacal support from people who are fast approaching retirement age were selling Sheedy as if he were the only logical option for the Tigers. What could possibly go wrong?

But, unfortunately for the oldies, people who were born after the 1950’s make the decisions at Richmond and seeing the writing on the wall, Sheeds magnanimously decided to withdraw his application. He feels that his application will not receive true consideration and didn’t want another Channel Nine soap opera…which the network will now turn this into a soap opera anyway. And we all know what happens when Channel Nine has a show that viewers don’t really want to watch…they make a second series!

But all that hard work from Bartlett and friends down the gurgler…they are far from impressed! Will they suddenly lose interest in dictating who should coach Richmond next year or find another experienced campaigner with a once-impeccable record to endorse? Wonder what Ron Barassi is up to these days? Poor Sheeds. But he should know how melodramatic things get on the coaching roundabout…and not just at Richmond!

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Now apart from Kev,what else went wrong during The Great Unraveling?

The all-conquering Geelong Cats?

Joel Corey is shocked as Mark Thompson raises his voice for the first time since the year 2006!

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The Fremantle Dockers…again!

Yep, this was Freo’s only goal for the night. Savour the moment…

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The Sydney Swans without Barry Hall!

Bye bye…Barry! Bye bye…Sydney Swans for 2009! Bye bye…any mention of AFL footy in the Sydney papers for the rest of the year!

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Port Adelaide’s credibility!

Could be worse, David Rodan…you could still be at Richmond!

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The Games:

A big goal, even bigger celebration…yep, that’s what we’ve come to expect from Magpie Dale Thomas!

Sheesh…that was close! Collingwood appeared to have this match all under control before the Doggies fired up in the last term. But the Pies held on to win by one point and showed that they could well be a threat to the Saints and/or Cats in two months time. The Dogs showed that they are at least capable of coming back from 39 points down…shame they were down by 41 in this game though!

Nice to see Alan Didak playing great footy and talking to the media without having to use the words “I’d like to apologise for my actions”!

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Yep, Bazza was sitting in the back of a ute for his lap of honour. Could not have been more perfect!

The Sydney faithful bid farewell to their favourite brain-snapping bruiser during Saturday’s home game against Essendon…and that was easily the highlight of their afternoon. It was a taste of what life will be like without him – struggling team, no finals and not even a hint of mindless violence to keep people entertained. The Bombers remain in the finals hunt with a rare interstate win…no wonder they are a wee bit excited.

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Fev loves pulling freakish goals out of his arse…this was one of his absolute best!

Brendan Fevola has his care factor set to ‘high’ and attitude set to ’smartarse’ on the way to registering a career-high nine goals in Carlton’s win over Richmond. Which is great against a crap team in early July…but Carlton need Fev to show this amount of energy and committment in the crucual games coming up. Will we get ‘interested Fev’ then or ’sooky Fev’? We shall see…

B..R..E..T..um, do I spell my name with one T or two? Or is it three?I always forget…

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“Injuries, schminjuries! We beat Geelong and we deserve some respect, ya pricks! Yeah, you heard me…pricks the lotta ya!!!”

Gee…when it rains in Geelong, it pours doesn’t it! Barely lost a game for two and a half years, few injury troubles…now they have lost two games and half their team in one week! Brisbane took full advantage and super coach Michael Voss has his Lions all set for a return to finals action….and loving it too, one suspects!

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Simon Goodwin puts on a brave face after his 250th game…but secretly shattered that his mates let him down by allowing their opponents to kick a goal!

Have the Adelaide Crows ever had an easier night’s work than this? Fremantle have had plenty of shitty results in their checkered history…but one goal in an entire game? One freakin’ goal? Surely it can’t get any shittier than this for the Dockers…can it? Well, don’t put it past them – they still have away games against the Dogs and Cats yet!

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Not sure where you have been, Buddy…but welcome back!

Maybe Hawthorn aren’t stuffed after all…though they looked certain to suffer defeat at the hands of the Kangas in Tassie on Sunday. The Hawks were holding out for a hero and up stepped Lance Franklin!  Buddy appeared from under the rock where he had seemingly been hiding with a stellar final term to pinch a vital win away from North Melbourne and stay in contention for the finals. The Roos may lack the stars but at least they have the cars – Mazda’s renewal of their major sponsorship a major boost…almost better than the four competition points. Almost…

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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…Mr Liam Jurrah!

Not sure how you explain the world going all arse-backwards like this but Geelong have lost two in a row and Melbourne have won two in a row! Jimmy Stynes would have loved the events that unfolded at the ‘G…not surprisingly, Mark Williams hated it! And now his players will be hating him after a 6am wake-up call! Choco can’t afford any more performances like that if he wants to play finals…or finalise that new contract!

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The West Coast Eagles kept this one close for three quarters, placing St Kilda’s pursuit of The Perfect Season in some jeopardy until they got serious. The Saints eventually made it fifteen from fifteen and the coach felt that being able to win games interstate was important…which it is; though it is probably more important not to lose against a bottom-four side ever, no matter the venue! And now that the Eagles’ biggest and best player might be done for the year, so could any chance of them landing a big scalp before seasons end.