Wow, that looks like the type of thing Matthew Lloyd used to do…oh wait, that IS Matthew Lloyd!
Well, one of them had to win. Two teams that have clearly failed this season faced off in the first game of Pass Or Fail round and it was Essendon who finally took off the dunce’s cap to earn just their third win of the year. And look who finally stood up…
Skipper Matthew Lloyd has struggled all season to have any sort of impact and copped a frightful bagging all week. So, sure enough, Lloyd responded by showing the way with a solid all-round game…including a fine mark and goal at a vital stage of the final term.
While Lloyd may have been faced with an Eagles defence filled with rookies and a clearly injured Darren Glass, it showed what a little room to move and some decent ball delivery can do for a forward. David Hille, on the other, was matched up against Dean Cox and clearly out-pointed the best ruckman in the game!
Hille was so good that those Adam Ramanauskas fans wearing bridal gowns must have been tempted to remove his name from the wedding proposal sign and replace it with Hille’s! Besides, Rama is already married…otherwise he would have totally been up for getting hitched to three strangers at the Telstra Dome!
Sorry Rama…but we’ve changed our minds. Can we all marry the big ruckman instead???
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Here is the rundown for the remaining games as we find out who will Pass Or Fail this weekend:
SATURDAY
Will Minson passed his high school Music Performance exam with flying colours by busting out the Bulldogs theme song!
MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Western Bulldogs v Brisbane (FOX)
- BULLDOGS – PASS OR FAIL? Just one loss, only team to beat Hawthorn, most points scored in the comp and Aker hasn’t accused anybody of being a drug cheat this year…yet. What a start! PASS!
- The Dogs are definitely excited about being involved in big games again…but veteran Scott West can’t be too excited about how well they are playing without him!
- When Robert Murphy is not encouraging footballers to shake hands, he is using Rocky films to illustrate how his side can win without having the best facilities. Clearly, he does too much thinking on his days off…someone buy him a Playstation 3!
- LIONS – PASS OR FAIL? Look like top eight contenders again and still have star players in their prime. They also seem to have knee rehab down pat too, if Bradshaw is any indication. PASS!
- Jonathan Brown celebrates 150 games today…and he seems to think he can improve on what he has achieved already. Like to see that!
- Who would have ever thought that Lethal Leigh Matthews would have a ‘love-child’…and that the ‘love-child’ in question would be Travis Johnstone!
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You only need one letter to aptly describe Fremantle’s season…F!
Subiaco, Perth – 2:10pm (local): Fremantle v North Melbourne (FOX)
- DOCKERS – PASS OR FAIL? The dawn of the Mark Harvey age has not solved any of the problems that seem to beset this club. It’s been a record-setting year of failure thus far. FAIL!
- The Dangerous Dockers are now aiming to derail the finals aspirations of a few clubs…well, they have derailed themselves for many years, so they know how it’s done!
- Mark Harvey would love nothing more than a win for his 43rd birthday but would settle on going to the halftime break without cracking the shits!
- ROOS – PASS OR FAIL? Still searching for premiership credibility despite a prelim last year, the Roos are middle-of-the-road right now and may struggle to match 2007. But they get a pass purely because they have two new additions…members and money. PASS!
- Brady Rawlings says the Roos are desperate to beat Fremantle…because nobody wants to become the team that loses to Fremantle!
- You’re over 30, you’ve won a flag and a Norm Smith medal and your coach vows never to drop you…ever! Why would Shannon Grant even bother going to training any more?
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St Kilda passed the ultimate test way back in 1966 but since then…
SCG, Sydney – 7:10pm (local): Sydney v St Kilda (FOX)
- SWANS – PASS OR FAIL? A couple of experienced pickups and a few young kids and what do you know…the Swans are back! If Barry Hall fires on his return, this side is dangerous. PASS!
- Yes, Hall is back and looking to make a fresh start…is this the fourth or fifth fresh start of his career? Not sure, it’s hard to keep count…
- Paul Roos was not impressed with Adam Goodes last week and thinks he should have been suspended…hmmm, does anybody really believe one word of that?
- SAINTS – PASS OR FAIL? So, where are all the flags that these Saints were meant to win? They might yet make the eight or even win a final…but if feels like anything less than a premiership is a failure for this over-hyped mob. FAIL!
- Lenny Hayes thinks that the Saints can still match it with the elite…which is fine but at some point, you have to actually beat them as well!
- Nick Riewoldt has been working on his goal kicking during the week…we think that is a great idea!
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Year 12 exams would be a breeze compared to one of Neil Craig’s training sessions!
- CROWS – PASS OR FAIL? With Mark Riccuito retired, this season was meant to be the demise of the Crows but they continue to grind out wins and another finals berth looks on the cards. PASS!
- Neil Craig is the mastermind behind the Crows…and that’s why he just loves a good training session behind closed doors.
- They used the session to work on ball movement…we suggest moving the ball in the vicinity of Scott Thompson because good thing usually happen!
- HAWKS – PASS OR FAIL? The league leaders are in great shape for a tilt at the flag. Buddy is fast becoming the biggest star in the comp but the Hawks are far from a one-man team. PASS!
- Robert Walls must love what he sees in Buddy Franklin if he is pulling out the Wayne Carey comparisons already…
- And just in case you cared what Wayne Carey thought, he loves the Hawks this year and thinks Buddy is great…just not as great as Browny!
SUNDAY
The Cats celebrated like it was Schoolies Week after flogging the Power!
- CATS – PASS OR FAIL? Nah. No good. They actually lost a game…and to Collingwood as well. It’s just not good enough! We will give them a pass for now but if they lose another game on their way to back-to-back flags, consider it a wasted season…PASS!
- Gary Ablett is now being looked at as the best player in the comp after he kicked arse last week…so if he wants to captain the club, they should just give it to him…like, right now!
- The Cats are missing some tall defenders at the moment…they should just throw young Ablett down there too, he can do no wrong!
- POWER – PASS OR FAIL? Somehow, despite all the choking final-quarter fade-outs, they are only six points out of the eight! But this side made the grand final last year…maybe they haven’t recovered from that hammering! FAIL!
- Mark Williams believes that Port’s best is enough to beat the Cats…yep, it’s just that nobody has seen their best since the middle of September last year!
- Actually, the last time they really showed their best was when they beat Geelong at Skilled on the last kick of the day last August. If they did that again, they will have proved that they are not totally devoid of mental strength!
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Tim Lane reckons that only winning two flags means Mick Malthouse is a failure. No wonder Mick looks bemused…
MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Collingwood v Carlton (SEVEN)
- MAGPIES – PASS OR FAIL? Started slowly but that thumping of Geelong has brought the Pies to life…which is great for all their supporters, shithouse for the rest of us! PASS!
- The Magpies reckon they have learned their lesson from the last time they played Carlton…which sounds suspiciously like ‘ we didn’t take them seriously because they were a shit team’!
- Eddie McGuire tells his blockbuster-fatigued coach that he’d better get used to it…maybe Mick can talk to Eddie about that whole overstaying-your-welcome thing!
- BLUES – PASS OR FAIL? Looked ready to stockpile more early draft picks after three rounds but have gone 5-3 since then. Are we getting a bit carried away or could they really qualify for September? PASS!
- Brett Ratten calls Mark Williams a sore loser after he accused the Blues of using their cash-cow Dick Pratt to get whatever they want…a) Choco said that three days BEFORE the loss to Carlton, and b) sounds pretty accurate to us!
- Matthew Kreuzer starred in Carlton’s comeback victory…proving that losing games can be very profitable. And you can’t blame Carlton for doing it either…that’s the AFL for you!
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Honestly, would you let your children learn anything from Richmond players given their history of failure?
Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 4:40pm (local): Richmond v Melbourne (FOX)
- TIGERS – PASS OR FAIL? When you have had just one win from your past seven starts but have still improved from last season, then you know that you are coming from a very, very low starting point! But it’s still not good enough for a pass…FAIL!
- Terry Wallace is blaming an unfair draw for their lack of results so far this season…WHAT? Was he hoping to be scheduled games against Box Hill, Sandringham and North Ballarat?
- Wallace also has a few old players that are at the crossroads…and if he picks them in the seniors again, he will be an old coach at the crossroads!
- DEMONS – PASS OR FAIL? No need to elaborate…FAIL!
- Jim Stynes takes over the presidency at Melbourne and will look to save his cash-strapped club by crying a lot..
- Brock McLean is trying to tell us that his side will lift for every match and not just last week…if that were true, they should actually beat Richmond. We’ll see…
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