No More Kangas, No More Crows (The Lost Weekend)

The Cats are looking ominous again…even Cam Mooney’s man hugs have a finals like intensity!

And then there were six. Well, there’s definitely one and probably a second…the other four can probably start organising which sex toy they’d prefer to wear on their Mad Monday! Septocemia has hit week one of the finals and claimed both Adelaide and North Melbourne. while two other clubs have a second chance at glory…or at least stringing out their season for another week!

But it all appears to be academic…Geelong are just too freakin’ good it seems! Despite the efforts of many media types to declare St Kilda as some sort of genuine challenger, in particular the notoriously mouthy ex-Saints coach and Nick Riewoldt groupie Grant Thomas, the Saints were lucky to finish fourth in the first place and even luckier that they didn’t lose by 100 points or more as the Cats went through the motions in the final quarter to avoid further injury problems. And the craptacular performance of Riewoldt is living proof that he should be more particular about which male groupies he should spend his time with!

But Hawthorn also progressed to the preliminary final after an equally impressive win and look set for their first grand final appearance since the early nineties. Something bordering on the miraculous would need to happen if any teams other than the Cats and Hawks find themselves in the Grand Final!

Matty Scarlett wishes Robert Harvey a happy retirement…or something like that!


Alright guys – we have a big final against Hawthorn, our form has faded late in the season (again) and the whole nation is watching us. So tell me…how do we beat the Hawks tonight?


Yep, that’s great…don’t all f@#%&$g speak at once, will ya’s!!!

Second Qualifying Final – Hawthorn 18.19.127 def. Western Bulldogs 11.10.76

The Buddy Show rolls on as Lance Franklin’s eight goals fires Hawthorn past the Western Bulldogs and into a preliminary final. Franklin’s dazzling display again confirmed that he is the only thing standing between Geelong and the silverware but a few of his teammates have some fitness issues ahead of the prelim. Lucky they have an extra week to prepare…

The Doggies, on the other hand, struggled to handle the pressure of finals footy and haven’t been all that impressive late in the season either. So even if they do bounce back against Sydney in the semi finals, what hope do they have against the Cats?


This man just won another final interstate…and is he happy? Course not!

First Elimination Final – Collingwood 19.11.125 def. Adelaide14.10.94

The only result that could be considered an upset occurred on Saturday afternoon when Collingwood escaped from South Australia with a come-from-behind victory. It was yet another interstate triumph for the terminally grumpy Mick Malthouse and talk of a premiership challenge will be flooding out of all those Magpie fans. Awesome…

For Adelaide, their finals campaign was over before it started…or at least before it should have started, which would have been on Sunday in the first verses fourth qualifying final. Instead of a second chance, it is an early exit, plenty of disappointment and a string of harsh post-mortems. Probably lucky they had a record-low finals crowd to experience it all…


Now that’s a bunch of happy Swans…but has Barry Hall just applied a ‘brain-sucker’ to Jude Bolton???

Second Elimination Final – Sydney 17.8.110 def. North Melbourne11.9.75

Perhaps there is a little life left in Sydney yet! After a tight first half, the inspirational Brett Kirk showed the way to guide the Swans to a solid win over North Melbourne. Leo Barry feels that the criticism of their older players served as motivation to beat the Roos…so he will really look forward to the Melbourne media telling them how shit they are this week!

It’s all over for Shagga Grant!

For Dean Laidley, saying he was disappointed at North’s exit would have to be a massive understatement! As history will show, they blew it in round 22 and were then overrun by a Sydney outfit that are supposedly past it. But Laidley feels they are in better shape now than they were after last year…well, they will suffer one less finals flogging this time around. That has to be a positive…


Stephen Milne finally makes an impact in a finals game…if by ‘make an impact’ ,you mean ‘got busted being a sly little prick and gifted Geelong a double-goal’. Top work!!!

First Qualifying Final – Geelong 17.17.119 def. St Kilda 8.13.61

Geelong make mince meat out of St Kilda and now only needs to knock off either the Dogs or Swans in a fortnight to make the grand final. Even the typically reserved Cats coach could not help but express his delight in how well his team played. It wasn’t all great news for the Cats though with Paul Chapman under an injury cloud after leaving the game early and young midfielder Brent Prismall went down with a shocking knee injury.

St Kilda must have felt like legends in their own mind after flogging a weak Essendon side by over 100 points last week but reality just kicked them in the arse! And Ross Lyon couldn’t wait to declare his side as the underdogs for next week’s semi against Collingwood at the post-match press conference….well, he probably started preparing for the Pies at quarter time yesterday!


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