Monthly Archives: April 2009

Round Five – Lest We Forget…How To Play Footy!

zaharakis

One name that Bomber fans will never forget…David Zaharakis!

On this weekend of Anzac Day (Lest We Forget), a few teams seemed to totally forget what to do on the footy field. Port Adelaide…eeew! North Melbourne…sheesh! Brisbane…ouch! And Collingwood (for the final four minutes)…yikes! Or does that take credit away from the impressive performances of St Kilda, Geelong, Richmond? Yeah, I said Richmond! And that finish to the Anzac Day match between Essendon and Collingwood…holy smokes! I’m still squealing in delight…

Possibly the biggest thing to take from this weekend, something never to forget, is that you shouldn’t give up on your team if there is any flicker of hope. I did it once with Essendon back in 2001…only to be left standing all alone at the tram stop outside of Colonial Stadium (now Whatshishead Stadium) and listening to the radio as Steven Alessio kicked the winning goal with five seconds left to beat the Sydney Swans.

The Games:

powergroup

After an emergency half-time meeting, Port’s leadership group decide against giving up and elect to take the field for the second half. Poor choice…

Unless you are a mad St Kilda fan, it was a pretty ugly Friday night of footy. Well, Port Adelaide are not the prettiest bunch of people to start with…plus their financial situation is looking quite unhealthy too. But the way in which they were dismantled the Saints must leave them having to re-evaluate just how good they are. And it won’t help Mark Williams get a job at Collingwood any time soon…

malthousepostanzac

If Mick is really worried about ‘letting down the Anzacs‘, his club should forget high-altitude preseason training in Arizona and sign the players up for a dose of National Service instead!

Essendon…I can’t even describe how they did it; they just did it!  After losing their only established ruckman for the season in the first minute, the prodigious Paddy Ryder and his young cohorts fought valiantly but the Bombers looked done down three kicks with five minutes left. The Pies then went from dogged to disgusting in the final four minutes and set the scene for David Zaharakis and his ball-tearing matchwinner! And here it is…

garymoss

Great game by Hawthorn‘s goal-kicking machine – it’s Buddy! No, it’s Roughie! No, it’s…Gary Moss?

That’s right folks. Gary Moss kicks four goals as the Hawks overcome the West Coast Eagles in a tough match down in Tassie. John Worsfold might well lament the one that got away but is more concerned about the one that cannot get away…that is, Daniel Kerr cannot get away from some rough treatment by his opponents. Poor Kerr…

tigerssong

Tiger players go absolutely crazy as Mark Coughlan is announced to replace Terry Wallace as the next coach of Richmond leads the team in the victory song!

Hang on – Richmond are meant to be shit, aren’t they? But I swore that I read somewhere that they won? Yep, it says it here too. And that guy on death row is praising their commitment and everything so it must be true! What a shocker for the Roos…and having the captain’s elbow bent all manner of sideways can’t be good either!

Hang on – Fremantle are meant to be shit, aren’t they? But I swore that I read somewhere that they won? Fremantle, not wanting to be left winless longer than Richmond,  took care of the Sydney Swans at home. Maybe that was the challenge Mark Harvey issued the players this week…don’t be as shit as Richmond please!

ablettgoal

Yes, he kicked it from that angle…just another routine piece of genius from Gary Ablett!

Geelong annihilate Brisbane to the tune of 93 points at Skilled Stadium with Gary Ablett continuing to punish me for not picking him in any of my fantasy teams! Coach Vossy hopes that his Lions learn plenty from the spanking but it seems that the Cats might have learnt a few things about their team as well. Come on – what’s with all this learning stuff? It’s just footy…if I wanted to learn anything, I would have paid attention in school!

eadepissedoff

If you saw Brian Lake’s stupid handball in the third quarter then you know why Rodney Eade is looking so pissed off!

While the coach of the Western Bulldogs can look at errors and poor decisions costing them any chance, they would have needed to be near flawless to have gotten over the top of Carlton. The Blues do it for Dick as they leap up into third spot on the ladder and Fevola, who kicked his 500th goal,  might be back in town as well…though there are a few people from out of town that are keen on him too!

A late Sunday match on a cold and shitty afternoon in Melbourne involving the Demons and Adelaide. Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, does it? Well, you’re right…it wasn’t! ‘Scrappy’ is not strong enough a word to describe it‘ugly’ – that’s more like it! The Crows kept Melbourne goalless for two and a half quarters and held off the fast-finishing Dees for another win at the MCG. And by fast-finishing, we mean three goals in final term. Yep, it was that type of game.

Where’s Wallace? (Media Street)

rockstarterry

The smile, the sunnies, the media throng that follows him everywhere he goes…talk about living the rock star life! Tell me Terry isn’t loving every second of this!!!

We all know that when there is a “CRISIS” in AFL footy, there is nowhere to hide. Richmond are currently in “CRISIS” mode and the eyes of all media and Tiger supporters are fixated on the footpaths and back exits at Punt Road. So what is going on down there?

richospeaks

Richmond’s spokesman for mental problems reveals to the footy world that…yes, they have mental problems!


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The KKK? Look more like a cheap-ass Casper the Friendly Ghost…with a little Blues Brothers thrown in!

Um…sorry but are Fremantle players really dressing up as members of the Klu Klux Klan in order to pull pranks on their teammates?

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Did I say KKK? I meant that the players dress up like the RSPCA! They go around feeding puppy dogs and petting kitty cats…our players are soooooooo cute!!!

Sounds more like a poor choice of words from the Freo assistant coach to me. Come on – this is the twenty-first century! As if anybody would seriously be that insensitive as to parade around in racist paraphernalia these days…

prince_harry_nazi

Um…never mind!

Round Four – Should Have Known Better…

Should have known better than…

lionspew

Don’t worry Michael Rischitelli…I had the same reaction as you did when I saw the final score last Friday night!!!

  • To dismiss Port Adelaide’s chances of upsetting Hawthorn purely on the strength of their poxy away jumpers! Honestly, they are shit, aren’t they? And now that they have beaten the reigning champs by five goals in those ugly things, that will just encourage them to wear it more and more. I think I’m going to have another Michael Rischitelli moment…

tredreapillow

Those stupid away jumpers might have been designed with pillows in mind but the Power were far from soft against the Hawks!

  • To tell my Carlton supporting friends that the Blues would bounce back after my Bombers knocked them off last week. Fortunately, I didn’t believe it myself when it came to tipping as the Swans squeaked out a win at the SCG. Once again, the Blues were wayward with the ball while poor old Fev missed shots at goal and could barely stay on the field! Well, we all know how wayward he can get…

fevfence

Brendan Fevola – just a lovable larrikin who is always pushing the boundaries…or tumbling over them!

  • To think the Adelaide Crows would complete a remarkable comeback to beat Geelong. The Cats looked like they were going to cut up the Crows ‘St Kilda-Freo’ style but Adelaide fought back hard in the second and third quarters. However, all their hard work was quickly blown away in the final term as lil’ Gazza did as he pleased on the way to a big win…holy crap, that guy is good!!!

ablettchair

Gary Ablett should not just be chaired around by teammates after footy games. It should happen all the time – to training, to the shops…he deserves it!

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Forget the on-field clangers…the Bombers couldn’t even exit the arena correctly against the Kangaroos.

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Terry Wallace makes a quick call to Centrelink, only to hear that they are open from 8:30am to 5pm weekdays and to call back during business hours.

Round Three – Should Have Laid Off The Choccy Eggs!

shawumptouch

Heath Shaw – seems like a touch…a touch too much!

Talk about having a crappy Easter break! Collingwood’s Heath Shaw would have been feeling sick to his stomach all weekend without the aid of a single chocolate egg (or many of them in succession, like the rest of us!) after his report for touching an umpire last Thursday night. Unfortunate because it was actually Alan Didak who touched the umpire, Shaw was just covering up for him…again!

hodgeumpcuddle

Now this is the best way to touch an umpire…gently, respectfully and with a smile!

The matter has been sent straight to the tribunal so it will be a pretty big night there…particularly if there are a few players who elect to contest charges stemming from round three. But while some people in footy might have had a crappy Easter weekend; Heath Shaw, John Worsfold and Terry Wallace immediately spring to mind; it pales into insignificance compared to the anguish that the family and friends of ex-Hawk and footy documentary whiz Rob Dickson must be feeling. How sad…knocks the stuffing out of you, doesn’t it!

The Games:

johnsonnose

Busted nose for Steve Johnson…guess he won’t be able to rely on his looks anymore!

Geelong continue on their merry way as they steamroll Collingwood…causing the normally-obtuse Mick Malthouse to deal in the bleeding obvious. The Pies were made to pay for numerous acts of inaccuracy…which makes you wonder whether Heath Shaw meant to grab the ump’s arm or was actually trying to grab him elsewhere and just plain missed! Bloody skill errors…

kossiepunch

Be it celebrating with teammates or wrestling with opponents, Kossie just can’t stop whacking blokes in the head!

St Kilda could hardly have been more impressive during the opening three rounds, and Nick Riewoldt has yet to really get going. So maybe this is (finally) the year of the Saint? The Eagles looked very average and you can just imagine John Worsfold being so pissed that he would have confiscated every Easter egg from his players on the long flight home to Perth!

skipworthsong

Two weeks ago, Essendon were a crap team and everybody at Windy Hill hated Hayden Skipworth…seems neither of those things are correct.

Carlton’s rise to premiership glory stalls after the Bombers win a classic in front of seventy thousand at the ‘G. If only Fev wasn’t injured, and if only Matthew Lloyd was really finished as a footballer (like he was last year), the result could have been so different. But…it wasn’t! And a big thanks to the bogan footy family who interrupted a quiet Saturday night dinner at the local Chinese restaurant in Warrnambool with random screams of “Go Bombers”. Made my night!

The Sydney Swans were meant to be Brisbane’s bogey side…sure didn’t look like it! The Lions knock off Sydney at home and it seems like the message of Voss is getting through…though if they are really setting themselves for a return to the big time, beating Collingwood at home is a must. And a Friday night as well…rare territory for Brisbane.

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Doesn’t look like Dean Bailey is loving life as Melbourne coach but…

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HE LOVES TO COUNT…AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH!

First we had Lloydy, now Warren Tredrea rises from the Useless AFL Player grave to kick six goals as Port bounce back after a poor showing in Perth last week. But come on – they were playing the Demons at home…as if they weren’t going to romp it in! The only problem they were going to have was with discipline…and yes, they struggled in that area again. The coach will be delighted. No, seriously – he will think it’s unreal! He loves tough guys…

The premiership hangover theory can be discarded too as Hawthorn put injury woes and tragedy aside to win easily over North Melbourne. It ended a miserable week for the Roos, Dean Laidley referring to the scrutiny around the chicken sex video as akin to World War III.  Well, without the global significance, the devastation and the mass killings of soldiers and innocent people, of course! Apart from that, yeah – just like a war…

The Crows did manage to handle their week of scrutiny a little better than the Roos, fighting their way to a good road win against the Dockers. Three rounds in and how many wins do Fremantle have? None! Luckily, coach Mark Harvey has a supporter in the coach that just knocked off his team. Grant Thomas is definitely not a supporter…but that probably works in Harvey’s favour!

richofinger

Will the Tigers find inspiration from Richo snorting his glove through his nose and out his mouth? Well, anything is worth a shot for Richmond…

The Western Bulldogs, a top-four team in good form, had a good win yesterday over Richmond, not a top-four team and not in good form. So the outrage and hysteria about the Tigers seems a little over the top and, dare we say it, contrived by media types who need content for the week. But if Terry Wallace is feeling heat now, imagine what he will cop if they fall to the winless Demons this Sunday!