Tag Archives: Brownlow Medal

When The Game Takes Over Our Drunken Idiot Coverage! (2009 AFL Grand Final Preview)

septocemiabanner

drunkfev

We will now briefly focus on a football game before returning you to your regularly scheduled programming…which, apparently, is this guy!

Relax, people! Once Saturday’s game is over, we can go back to the main reason we all follow the game…what stupid Brendan Fevola up to now and what EVERYBODY ELSE thinks about it! Or maybe you’ve had enough of Fev and would prefer to talk about trades – where Shaun Burgoyne thinks he is going or where Brock McLean says he is going.

Perhaps you are stunned that Marty Clarke is choosing to go home or that Matthew Lloyd is choosing to stay home. But for now, the 2009 AFL Grand Final needs to take centre stage so you’ll just have to make do with that…

Not a bad consolation though…the two best teams in the comp are virtually at full strength (sorry Max fans!) and primed to present us with a fitting finale to the footy season. It’s going to be entertaining day and a great spectacle but, please, remember to behave appropriately. You don’t want to end up like Stupid Fevola (that is, a big blokey legend!), do you?

ST KILDA SAINTS

SaintsPlane

The secret to St Kilda’s success? Not catching swine flu from the filthy, germ-infested masses!

The dominant team of 2009 but not a clear favourite… a lack of respect or is this just history talking?

The Team
B:
Jason Blake, Zac Dawson, Steven Baker
HB: Brendon Goddard, Sam Fisher, Sam Gilbert
C: Farren Ray, Lenny Hayes, Nick Dal Santo
HF: Andrew McQualter, Justin Koschitzke, Clint Jones
F: Stephen Milne, Nick Riewoldt, Jason Gram
Foll: Steven King, Leigh Montagna, Adam Schneider
I/C: Luke Ball, Raphael Clarke, Sean Dempster, Michael Gardiner
Emg: David Armitage, Jarryn Geary, James Gwilt

In: Dempster
Out: Robert Eddy

GEELONG CATS

AblettPolice

The secret to Geelong’s success? Police arresting anybody that goes within one metre of Gary Ablett!

The Team
B:
Darren Milburn, Matthew Scarlett, Corey Enright
HB: Tom Harley, Harry Taylor, Andrew Mackie
C: Joel Corey, Cameron Ling, James Kelly
HF: Jimmy Bartel, Cameron Mooney, Steve Johnson
F: Travis Varcoe, Tom Hawkins, Paul Chapman
Foll: Mark Blake, Joel Selwood, Gary Ablett
I/C: Brad Ottens, Shannon Byrnes, Max Rooke, David Wojcinski
Emg: Shane Mumford, Simon Hogan, Mathew Stokes

No change

So…who wins this bloody thing? St Kilda made the one team change but it will not result in a fairytale send-off for stalwart Max Hudghton. Geelong are unchanged but have sterner opposition compared to last week. Hard to predict a winner with any great confidence; hence the call of a draw’ being quite popular.

For me, the deciding factor is simple…and probably a touch immature, but oh well. I just don’t want to see Stephen Milne win a grand final. The thought of that little twerp receiving a premiership medallion and whooping it up would ruin my entire year.

MilneSucks

For the love of God, do not let this twerp win a premiership!

If St Kilda did win and for whatever reason; concussion,  injury, diarrhoea; Milne was not involved at the end, I could live with that. If they could vote him off the podium and replace him with Robert Harvey, even better. But please Geelong..do not let this twerp win!!!

CATS by 22

Advertisements

About Freakin’ Time! (2009 Brownlow Medal)

AblettCooney

For just a split second, Adam Cooney made Gary Ablett wonder whether winning the medal was worth it…

He has been the best player in the competition for the past three seasons but, finally, Gary Ablett has a Brownlow Medal to his name. After being pipped at the post in 2007 and 2008, the Geelong midfielder led from the opening game and had the award all wrapped up with two rounds left to count.

The ending may have lacked the drama of previous seasons but having watched a clearly nervous Gazza watch on helplessly as less-favoured (but still deserving!) players took the honour two years running, it was more a sense of relief once the result was beyond doubt.

AblettWins

He’s been crapping his daks about making a Brownlow speech for three years, now that time had come…

As expected, a number of St Kilda players polled very strongly, as did many of Gary’s teammates. Carlton’s Chris Judd finished second while Lions pair Simon Black and Jonathan Brown each picked up 19 votes. As usual, midfielders featured prominently in the votes but Brown’s equal fourth placing showed that forwards are capable of polling well.

Brendon Fevola was probably being light-hearted about the extra focus on-ballers receive from the umpires at the expense of forwards but, considering Fev has been known to check out of games when things aren’t going his way, the joke is on him!

FevDisapproves

Fev shows his displeasure at a midfielder, one whose level of effort is never conditional, taking votes off him. He has to be joking, doesn’t he?

But enough of Ablett! More importantly, the evening kicked off with the traditional red carpet fashions. And, in typical AFL style, any hint of tradition was sold off to the highest bidder as the carpet went from ‘red’ to ‘blue’. Apparently Toyota have a new car…and it’s blue. Wow, the things you can do with technology these days! Ground breaking…

BoganPrincess

Brownlow night is the highlight of the season for many a WAG… including the Princess Bride of Bogans, Alex Fevola!

The ‘blue-red’ carpet saw the usual mix of elegance, class and skank; from the half-mill diamond dress (ever taken a wee surrounded by four bodyguards?) to the eye-popping squeeze of former Sydney Swans supremo Dr Geoffrey Edelston! But the award for best couple of the night was unanimous…Adam Goodes and Simon Black!

BrownlowBlokes

As soon as it became obvious there was no need to stay sober for a speech, Simon and Adam lived it up! You boys have my three votes!!

All Eyes On The Juddster! (Media Street)

JuddFinger

Visy ambassador Chris Judd reacts badly to Michael Rischitelli’s confession that he doesn’t recycle…

Two weeks ago, it was Buddy. Last week, it was Lloydy. This week…Chris Judd? For an alleged eye gouge? Not THE Chris Judd, surely! This can’t be true…must be a case of mistaken identity. Fev is the cause of all problems at the Blues, isn’t he? Must have been Fev! Or even that dancing guy of the same name that married Jennifer Lopez in 2001!

No, it’s true. Carlton captain Chris Judd has been busted for inexplicibly fiddling with the face of Brisbane Lion Michael Rischitelli during Saturday night’s elimination final! The Ruddster will be shattered…

Mr Judd will miss the first three rounds of 2010 unless he takes the early plea, reducing it down to two matches. But relax, football fans – not only is Judd eligible to win the Brownlow Medal this year and next, he can still attend football’s night of nights with his glamorous partner Rebecca Twigley. Forget the AFL tribunal…imagine the trouble he would have been in at home if they weren’t allowed to go!

TwigsJudd

No Brownlow Medal night? Juddy would be lucky to escape with a bloody nose if that ever happened…

Interesting to see whether the Blues challenge this decision as it appears the Match Review Panel have not left much room for them to move. The incident was listed as a ‘misconduct offence in that he made unreasonable and unnecessary contact to the face’ and assessed as intentional conduct (three points), low impact (one point) and high contact (two points). With those parameters in mind, no doubt it was intentional and the face certainly falls in the ‘high’ category. Unless they can downgrade ‘low’ impact to ‘barely any’, I can’t see how Judd can beat this one.

ShutUpJudd

That’s enough Chris…No need to say any more…Ok, you need to stop…Just shut up now…GOD, MAN – WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! STOP TALKING ALREADY!!!

What certainly works against him are comments made the day after the gut-wrenching loss to the Lions where he denied eye gouging Rischitelli. For reasons that cannot be explained, except for an early start on Mad Monday festivities, the normally measured Judd revealed he was aiming for some type of martial arts style pressure point on the guy’s face! Yeah, that helped clear things up.

Whether he was fair dinkum or not, it was probably the dumbest thing I’ve heard this year. And now we have knob-ends like Craig Hutchison chasing martial arts experts for comment and floating theories about how it could have been lethal. Nice work!

hong-kong-phooey-gal-431

When the going gets tough, Judd’s super tough…with a Hong Kong Phooey chop!

Something else that would work against any potential challenge is that incident back in 2007 where then-Eagle Judd was initially charged with eye gouging Campbell Brown in a match down in Tasmania. After some ‘generous’ evidence from Brown, Judd walked free. The Hawk hard man appeared to abide by the strict rules of the ‘player code’ on this occasion, though it certainly doesn’t apply in any incident involving Matthew Lloyd.

CampbellFaking

Here is Chris Judd doing ‘nothing’ to Campbell Brown’s eye in 2007.

Maybe Judd threatened Brown with some pressure point action…or did he use the Jedi mind trick?

ObiWanMindTrick

If Judd gets off this charge, we will know that the Force is with him!

Say It Ain’t So! (Media Street)

workmanricho1

Richo prepares for life after football…as a construction worker? A truck driver? A lollipop lady perhaps?

Imagine a world without Richo doing something stupid on the footy field that makes us all smile! I can’t… Sure – he’s out for at least three months with a hamstring tendon injury and everybody is talking life without Richo. But I’m just not ready yet…and I don’t even follow the Tigers!

lucaselbow

Scotty must be a little distracted at the moment…just look at that freakin’ elbow! That would put me off my footy…

Imagine a world without Scotty Lucas ignoring the handball and players in better position to take pot shots at goals within 80 metres of the big sticks! I can’t…but maybe I should start. Lucas “rested” from the Essendon side after a horror start to the season and who knows when he will be back?

anthonyheadbutt

Honey please, I can explain…it’s NOT what it looks like!!!

Imagine a world where you can’t slyly headbutt your opponent in the nuts as you get up off the ground! I can’t…but the League doesn’t appear to be overly keen on it. John Anthony outed for a groin headbutt and will miss the Monday night blockbuster against the undefeated Saints. Will somebody please ask Mick Malthouse in his next press conference what it feels like to lose a key player for a vital game who thrusted his head into the ghoulies of another man?

ablettmedalmiss

Oh, it’s going to happen to Gary Ablett again this year! Poor bloke…

Imagine a world where Gazza Junior is not pipped at the post on Brownlow night after missing a few games due to injury! I’m trying…I’m really trying. But it’s happening again, isn’t it! I can hear that massive room filled with pissed footballers groaning in unison already…

Round Six – When The VFL Came Back To Life

cousinsice

Yes – these are the legs of Ben Cousins. Yes – they are covered in ice. No – he is not injured. No – we will not make any obvious Ben Cousins/ice jokes today. Sorry ’bout that…

With two derby games, the reigning premiers taking on the rising stars and two undefeated teams cutting a swathe through the competition, round six should have been all about the AFL. But when you have a Ben Cousins sighting near a footy field (or anywhere for that matter), that seems to take precedence somehow…

As it did on Saturday afternoon when Benny donned the red and blue of Coburg in the VFL to test his dodgy hamstring as he works his way back to fitness and a place in the Richmond midfield. He showed up, he ran around, touched the ball a few times and finished the afternoon on the bench with his lower half covered in ice.

vflbrawl

Players from both teams fight with the gathered media in an attempt to sell their ‘Day With Ben Cousins’ story to the highest bidder.

Oh yeah, and there was a massive brawl! It was more like a massive pushy, shovey melee than an actual brawl but hey  – Ben Cousins was there, so let’s describe it as a brawl because it sounds more violent and bar-roomish (is that a word? It is now!). Not entirely accurate but very dramatic…

These stories were almost the lead items in Melbourne news last Saturday night. No kidding! A rare win for the VFL over the AFL…though if the powers-that-be continue to be unnecessarily full-on and pedantic, the VFL could be the only league us cyber-types will be allowed to talk about!

The Games:

bucksandmick

Two of the most talked about figures in footy go one-on-one in a scintillating TV interview…where they cover not one of the topics that any of us are interested in. YAWN…

Collingwood didn’t let the Anzacs down this week after easing past the Argentinian national team on Friday night. The Kangas continue to be hit by injury while Mick Malthouse, as usual, still managed to find something to whine about in victory. This time it was his call for substitute players after an early injury to Paul Medhurst…I’m sure Mick was equally concerned when David Hille wrecked his knee in the second minute last week.

shatteredfev

Last year it was 99 goals, now he’s blown it by hitting the post! Maybe Fev is destined to be a ‘so close yet so far’ kinda guy…

It should be all about Jarryd Roughead, who kicked eight in a winning side, but the Carlton-Hawthorn game will be all about Brendon Fevola! On the day Carlton’s premiership credentials were questioned due to their reliance on the Fev, he went from legend to loser when his shot at a ninth (and match winning) goals hit the post. The Hawks might consider themselves lucky to get the win but they should be extremely fortunate that they don’t rely on Fev to win them games every week!

haselbyemotional

An emotional Paul Hasleby praying that this win by Fremantle will convince Matthew Pavlich to never piss off back to Adelaide!

Western Australian footy fans love the western derby and they got another good one, this time it was Fremantle who came away with the win. They needed a second half fightback to do it too…though some wayward kicking by the Eagles certainly left the door open. Matthew Pavlich clocked up his 200th game in style…so maybe he will want to hang around after all!

gabbaflood

Brisbane takes flooding to a whole new level at the Gabba on Saturday night.

Brisbane may have been shite last week but the Gabba is far from Kardinia Park…and Essendon are far from Geelong! The young Lions, with the help of Browny, cruised to victory and helped spoil the party for 300-gamer Dustin Fletcher. At least Fletch received a nice momento to take home from the evening…a nice little leg fracture and several weeks on the sideline!

fletcherchaired

How many Bombers does it take to carry an old bloke with a fractured leg back to the sheds?

chadboots

Is there any explanation why Chad Cornes would wear two different coloured boots that wouldn’t make him sound like a knob? Doubt it…

Yee-haw…it’s another Hoedown win for Port Adelaide! The Crows fail to fire in the biggest game for the state of  South Australia in what the coach described as their worst loss of the season…though they still have four months left to top that effort! Port look like they are headed back the finals this season on this form but would Mark Williams hang around to coach next year for less money? Hmmm…

mattnertackle

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick…but Jack is not quicker than Marty Mattner!

The Sydney Swans secure a hard fought win thanks to Mattner’s great tackle and their new foreign recruit Mike Pyke…a ruckman from Canada, eh? Richmond were gallant in defeat but have still only won once this season – so, naturally, Terry Wallace is talking finals footy at Punt Road. Gee, we are really going to miss Terry when he is gone, aren’t we!

ablettgroin

Gary Ablett? Injury scare? Then why is this guy not wrapped head to toe in ice like Benny Cousins was? Don’t Geelong care?

Geelong win over Melbourne…check! New record for possessions by the Cats…check! Keeping Gary Ablett fresh and injury free…maybe not! Brownlow punters might be shitting themselves right now but lil’ Ablett has been so good that he can afford to miss a week or two and take out the medal anyway. And good on Jimmy Stynes giving it to the likes of Jeff Kennett and Sam Newman about their stance on umpiring…though the Dees have more chance of making the finals than those blokes have of actually listening to anybody!

Great match-up, shitty timeslot! The Saints-Doggies game kinda got lost a little without the prime-time, free-to-air spotlight it deserved. The Dogs should be grateful! St Kilda remain unbeaten after a solid win and while they are not talking flags just yet, at least the hype appears to have plenty of substance this year…provided they kick straight!

Ablett or Bartel? How About Neither? (Media Street)

Sorry mate, wasn’t listening! What were you saying again?

Pfffft! It sounded like you said I’ve just won the Brownlow…that’s pretty funny!!

Oh, I did just win the Brownlow…frickin’ sweet!!!

Brownlow babes, botched vote counting, burger rings and a bloody happy Bulldog! That summed up last night’s Brownlow Medal count which was won by…somebody who doesn’t play for Geelong. Adam Cooney of the Western Bulldogs was rewarded for a fine season by squeezing past Brisbane’s Simon Black to win the 2008 Brownlow Medal by one vote. Cooney hit the lead with one round remaining and then endured an agonising final round of votes as, one by one, his closest rivals were left disappointed as they failed to poll in round 22.

Ablett falls just short again…and yes, Jimmy Bartel, it’s all your fault!

Of course, the evening started with that traditional display of football brutes and beauties, the Red Carpet special…which is meant to be all about what the girls look like in their frocks. However, Channel Ten’s focus was more on finding out who everybody was wearing rather than actually showing the whole dress. The cameras barely panned lower than boob level, meaning that you rarely caught a meaningful glimpse of any of the dresses. Not that we are complaining…

Oi! What are you lookin’ at? Eyes off the merchandise!

Ooops…sorry, Grammy! Anyway, once the medal count kicked off, AFL supremo Andrew Demetriou appeared determined to set a cracking pace as he powered through the early votes. Perhaps he wanted the medal count to end on the same day as it started, or maybe he needed to get home by 11:30pm in order to flick on Channel Seven and watch 30 Rock (awesome show, just won an Emmy…and Channel Seven play it around midnight? Idiots!) But by jumping straight into the round two votes, skipping the opening round entirely, the D threw the entire room into temporary chaos…and hysterics! Very entertaining…totally unintentional, of course, but great viewing!

Getting ahead of yourself, Andy D? Everybody know that you take footy one week at a time…even Adrian Anderson is laughing at you!

Once Channel Ten figured out how to get the count back on track, the votes started flying for the likes of Black, Cooney and Matthew Richardson – who appeared to be the people’s favourite judging by the screams of ‘Richo’ every time he chalked up votes. Bookies favourite Gary Ablett remained within striking distance while last year’s winner Jimmy Bartel twiddled his thumbs waiting for some love from the umpires.

Robert Harvey has now walked through more guards of honour than he has played VFL/AFL seasons!

After yet another tribute to retiring St Kilda great Robert Harvey, and some other puff-pieces, the countdown to the final rounds began and it was here that things got really interesting. Black’s early lead was slowly eroded away as Ablett, Cooney and Richo each made up ground before a best-on-ground effort in round 21 from the young Bulldog put him into the lead. That is where he stayed and it was champagne, speeches and that classic burger/engagement ring story.

Cooney was as shocked as those people who placed good money on a few Geelong players when he won the medal. It was clear that he didn’t have a speech prepared but, like the D’s vote counting stuff-up, it was refreshing to see something off-the-cuff and totally unplanned. Bulldogs coach Rodney Eade, who Cooney actually forgot to thank, believes that the Brownlow win will not change Cooney at all…we hope that he is right!

Don’t Call It A Replay! (The Lost Weekend)

It’s a rematch of 1989…without Gazza senior…and Chris Langford…and everybody else who played in 1989!

Well, now we might finally have ourselves a contest! The two raging hot favourites qualified for the 2008 AFL Grand Final after claiming victory in the preliminary finals and the two best teams over the year will fight it out for the flag. Sure – some footy boffins were shouting “1999” from the treetops last week in an attempt to keep everybody interested but there is a darn good reason why Carlton’s upset win over Essendon was so special…shit like that only happens once in a lifetime! But a select number of media types were not only floating theories that an earth-shattering upset could happen again so soon, but twice on the same weekend. Huh?

So forget talk of ’99…now it’s all about 1989! But, please…it’s a rematch, of sorts, from 1989 but it’s not a damn replay! And it’s not a tryst either…isn’t a tryst a meeting between two lovers? How does that even make sense?

While the result of the Cats and Dogs clash on Friday night had a sense of inevitability, at least it was somewhat entertaining as a contest. Saturday night, on the other, produced a total stink-fest with Hawthorn embarrassing St Kilda and bringing the remarkable career of Robert Harvey to a sad end. But while there has yet to be a classic finals encounter this September, the results properly reflect the performance of the teams over the whole season – Geelong clearly the best, Hawthorn’s rise to legitimate challenger, the Dogs much improved but just a shade below the top two and St Kilda fortunate to finish fourth and exposed as pretenders by the two best sides in the comp.

Expect to see the Channel Nine helicopter flying over Buddy’s house tomorrow morning to check the status of his wrist!

And now we can all look forward to one massive week of full-on Septocemia! Brownlow Medal madness (could be a busy night, Catters!), grand final lunches, throwbacks to 1989selection headaches, hourly injury updates and death-by-analysis! And we love every minute of it, don’t we!

Well, not always…not when supposedly intelligent football minds ask dopey question after dopey question i.e. Tim Watson pointlessly quizzing Mark Thompson as to which team he would prefer to play next week after Geelong’s win on Friday night. The fact that Bomber Thompson is a three-time premiership teammate probably saved Watson the indignity of being labelled a f@#$&%g idiot live on national TV. And even then, it must’ve taken a whole lotta restraint!

Um…we’d prefer to play Bendigo, actually! Nobody ever answers that stupid question…ever! So why f@#$&n bother asking?

FRIDAY NIGHT

Doggies fans will be filthy about this for a very, very, very long time!

First Preliminary Final – Geelong 12.11.83 def. Western Bulldogs 7.12.54

There was no repeat of the 1999 shocker as logic ruled on Friday night…well, apart from one glaring umpiring decision! This didn’t rob the Doggies, mind you, so comparisons with Wayne Harmes in 1979 lack a bit of perspective! But it did kill off any hope of them pushing the defending premiers to the absolute limit.

What cost them was poor kicking at goal in the second half… and the hospital pass that set up Brad Johnson for the Max Rooke contest wasn’t too crash hot either. But with the Doggies closing in on Geelong in the third term, a series of missed shots at goal from Nathan Eagleton, Will Minson and Mitch Hahn cost them dearly. Particularly when the Cats stung them on the rebound for Cam Mooney to score, prompting this Brady Bunch-inspired graphic display that captured the moment perfectly!

Here’s the story…of a man named Rodney..who was beaten by some very lovely Cats!

How the Bulldogs respond to their stinging loss will be an interesting storyline in 2009 as they try to back up their top-four finish. But for the Cats, who don’t seem to like these grand final qualifiers all that much, they are back in the big dance and look primed for back-to-back flags. Unless…

SATURDAY NIGHT

We knew Luke Hodge was tough but he went old school crazy tough to lead his Hawks into the GF!

Second Preliminary Final – Hawthorn 18.10.118 def. St Kilda 9.10.64

Hawthorn made a mess of St Kilda – the match was effectively over at half time as the Hawks proved to be too tough and too committed for the Saints. While the result would indicate that they are in fantastic shape heading into the grand final, they do have a number of slight injury concerns. And one of them is Buddy, so expect a dramatic week at Hawks training.

St Kilda may wonder why they have attracted so much criticism for a club that finished fourth but last night demonstrated exactly why they cop it. Yes, they did finish fourth…but it has clearly been a three-horse race since May! With an alleged ‘star-studded’ list, they have yet to make a grand final since 1997 and in the latest chance to go one further, they were kicking consolation goals ten minutes into the third quarter!

And thus ends any hopes of a fairytale finish for Robert Harvey. The curtain has been dropping on Harvey’s stellar 21-year career for two months now but it is well and truly done with now. And this might be the trigger for the Saints to look to their youth in order to maximise their talent and go to the next level. So with the departure of the much-loved Harvey, does this mean the end for one particular annoying little twerp?

Goodbye Harvs…you deserved a better send-off!

Goodbye Milne…you don’t! And yes, we are trying to retire you!