Tag Archives: Cameron Ling

When The Game Takes Over Our Drunken Idiot Coverage! (2009 AFL Grand Final Preview)



We will now briefly focus on a football game before returning you to your regularly scheduled programming…which, apparently, is this guy!

Relax, people! Once Saturday’s game is over, we can go back to the main reason we all follow the game…what stupid Brendan Fevola up to now and what EVERYBODY ELSE thinks about it! Or maybe you’ve had enough of Fev and would prefer to talk about trades – where Shaun Burgoyne thinks he is going or where Brock McLean says he is going.

Perhaps you are stunned that Marty Clarke is choosing to go home or that Matthew Lloyd is choosing to stay home. But for now, the 2009 AFL Grand Final needs to take centre stage so you’ll just have to make do with that…

Not a bad consolation though…the two best teams in the comp are virtually at full strength (sorry Max fans!) and primed to present us with a fitting finale to the footy season. It’s going to be entertaining day and a great spectacle but, please, remember to behave appropriately. You don’t want to end up like Stupid Fevola (that is, a big blokey legend!), do you?



The secret to St Kilda’s success? Not catching swine flu from the filthy, germ-infested masses!

The dominant team of 2009 but not a clear favourite… a lack of respect or is this just history talking?

The Team
Jason Blake, Zac Dawson, Steven Baker
HB: Brendon Goddard, Sam Fisher, Sam Gilbert
C: Farren Ray, Lenny Hayes, Nick Dal Santo
HF: Andrew McQualter, Justin Koschitzke, Clint Jones
F: Stephen Milne, Nick Riewoldt, Jason Gram
Foll: Steven King, Leigh Montagna, Adam Schneider
I/C: Luke Ball, Raphael Clarke, Sean Dempster, Michael Gardiner
Emg: David Armitage, Jarryn Geary, James Gwilt

In: Dempster
Out: Robert Eddy



The secret to Geelong’s success? Police arresting anybody that goes within one metre of Gary Ablett!

The Team
Darren Milburn, Matthew Scarlett, Corey Enright
HB: Tom Harley, Harry Taylor, Andrew Mackie
C: Joel Corey, Cameron Ling, James Kelly
HF: Jimmy Bartel, Cameron Mooney, Steve Johnson
F: Travis Varcoe, Tom Hawkins, Paul Chapman
Foll: Mark Blake, Joel Selwood, Gary Ablett
I/C: Brad Ottens, Shannon Byrnes, Max Rooke, David Wojcinski
Emg: Shane Mumford, Simon Hogan, Mathew Stokes

No change

So…who wins this bloody thing? St Kilda made the one team change but it will not result in a fairytale send-off for stalwart Max Hudghton. Geelong are unchanged but have sterner opposition compared to last week. Hard to predict a winner with any great confidence; hence the call of a draw’ being quite popular.

For me, the deciding factor is simple…and probably a touch immature, but oh well. I just don’t want to see Stephen Milne win a grand final. The thought of that little twerp receiving a premiership medallion and whooping it up would ruin my entire year.


For the love of God, do not let this twerp win a premiership!

If St Kilda did win and for whatever reason; concussion,  injury, diarrhoea; Milne was not involved at the end, I could live with that. If they could vote him off the podium and replace him with Robert Harvey, even better. But please Geelong..do not let this twerp win!!!

CATS by 22


They Didn’t Go Marching In But The Saints Are There!(Septocemia – 2009 AFL Finals Series)



Saint Nick’s knee holds up long enough for him to do this…

How about that! In a finals series that has already delivered high drama and some classic finishes, we got another oneThe Saints are in the grand final…but they were this freakin’ close to a shock exit. And if it wasn’t for inspirational skipper Nick Riewoldt, they wouldn’t have made it. It really is that simple. That dodgy knee of his is more valuable than gold right now!

You just knew it was going to end in heartbreak for one of these traditionally down-trodden clubs…but recovering from this will be a massive challenge for Rodney Eade’s men. That loss was so harsh that I can’t even find a way to make fun of loudmouth lair Jason Akermanis! As much as I love doing it, it just feels cruel right now, wrong even…


The power of the red beard was not quite enough for Adam Cooney and the Dogs.

The Dogs dominated the opening quarter and could have built a more than handy lead if not for a couple of squandered opportunities. As a result, the Saints were able to stay in touch and slowly work their way to the front in the third term. Down by five points at three-quarter time, Brad Johnson put the Doggies back in front but it was the other captain that willed his side into the big one next Saturday afternoon.

Whether Johnson returns next season is yet to be determined but it would be a real boost for a wounded club to have that guy back next year.


The hacks have quizzed Rocket every week about recruiting Barry Hall for 2010…imagine if David Schwartz asked him now!

And now we go through it all again tonight with the Cats and Pies and thank you Channel Ten…we can see it LIVE,  baby!  No Channel Seven again in 2009 so no more garden makeovers, no more tasty recipes, No Johanna Griggs and no watching Dr Harry feeding the fish…it’s finals action as it happens!!!


Last night was Channel Seven’s grand final…and didn’t they deliver some high quality family fun!


Second Preliminary Final – MCG, 7:30pm (local): Geelong v Collingwood (TEN)


Matthew Scarlett is hoping to keep his hair for one more week before launching into some post-season stupidity!

Fresh from a nice relaxing week off, Geelong will be buoyed by the inclusion of two vital cogs and now appear to have their strongest available team. Steve Johnson and his dodgy hip will be a bit of an unknown quantity so they need somebody like Tom Hawkins to get on the scoreboard. Cameron Ling is not feeling the pressure now but that might change if Dane Swan gets a few early touches!

Geelong’s Dodgy Headline of the Week: Ling Primed For Ding Dong With Swan! Hmmm…Ling Ding, Swan Dong?


Settle Ed, it was just a semi final! Imagine if they actually won the flag!!! Actually, don’t do that…I dread the very thought.

It would have been difficult to forget about last Saturday night’s miracle win but, more importantly, Collingwood need to forget about what happened in round three! They have improved since then, says no-pressure Mick. How Scott Pendlebury’s broken leg has improved enough for him to play is beyond me…we’ll see.

Collingwood”s Dodgy Headline of the Week: Goldsack Wants Crack at Stevie J! All that’s missing is the defender reference so they could use the words back, crack and sack!

CATS by 19

Rough Start But It Sure Got Better! (Septocemia – 2009 AFL Finals Series)



The slow motion footage, the wanky opera music, the pissweak attempt to make Anthony Rocca appear graceful. Yep, must be finals time!

September action is finally under way! There was a bit of an ugly beginning on Friday night but after that we saw plenty of riveting footy action that made sitting through rubbish games like round 22 West Coast v Richmond all worthwhile. Typically in the first week of the finals, the results play out according to ladder position. The top two sides win through to the preliminary final and the seventh and eighth teams are eliminated. Boring! But this year…no just kidding! It all went to plan but it was far from boring.


St Kilda will now encase Nick Riewoldt’s entire body in ice for two weeks to ensure he is right for preliminary final day!

Runaway leaders during the home-and-away season, St Kilda were destined for failure according to Dermott Brereton, the Bogan Football Oracle himself. If Brereton’s ‘theory’ held such weight then we are screwed this year because each of the top four teams have not experienced Hawthorn-style sustained success in the past 45 to 50 years. Shall we just not award the premiership cup this season because Dermie feels none of the clubs are worthy enough? It’s not just about culture – class goes a long way too; Nick Riewoldt and the Saints proved that on Sunday. This also leads us to the Cats…


The media wanted the red, white and blue to triumph on Saturday. Well, it did….but only in the form of football’s favourite ranga, Mr Cameron Ling!

Geelong’s performance in the other qualifying final not only shattered the Western Bulldogs but ruined the football media’s fevered pursuit of a drought breaking premiership for the Dogs. There was no doubt that the preference for Saturday’s game was success for the ‘sexier’ storyline of the Doggies. Poised to make history! This might be their year! And Channel Ten spent the entire pre-match playing the Footsray violin and barely recognising the fact that the Cats have their own shot at creating some history going on this September.


The 1954 Footscray premiership team pass the mantle to the cuurent day players. Didn’t realise the Doggies were already in the Grand Final?! Well, congratulations…I guess.

Don’t get me wrong – that feature made for good television. Really good television. It would have been perfect as part of the pre-game for the 2009 Grand Final…if the Bulldogs were actually playing in it! But the Dogs were the third-placed team playing a club that, believe it or not, actually finished higher than them on the ladder…and has been the best performed team for the past three years. The hacks had Geelong written off, forgotten and ignored…that will be hard to do now they are in the prelim!


Matthew Knights would have been looking for something a little stronger to drink as the night wore on!

While the beaten Doggies and Pies live to fight another day, two teams are in the midst of conducting their alcohol-laced post-mortems after being eliminated on the weekend. The first team to be shown the door was Essendon…and it sure wasn’t pretty! Already undermanned and missing their first three ruck options, Essendon coach Matthew Knights gambled at the last minute by leaving out the only bloke they had over 200cms tall for ‘a runner’, which ended up being an Irish kiddie who cannot even spell Sherrin…let alone drop one onto his foot to kick a goal from the goal line!

Actually, they looked ok early until they coughed up a goal late in the first quarter…and then another 22 goals for the rest of the night! Reports of involvement by Bombers players in an altercation at some Adelaide nightclub proved to be false. For the second time that night, it seems that they were merely innocent bystanders!


You never see Jono Brown this pumped up! Either they have just pulled off a miracle comeback or Cold Chisel have reformed!!!

The Bombers were joined in post-season shenanigans by the Brisbane Lions Carlton? WHAT? How did this happen? The Blues were home for all money with a five-goal lead early in the final quarter but half an hour later, their season was over. Brisbane completed a true football miracle which resulted in euphoric scenes all around the Gabba, including some great footage of Prime Minister Kevin Rudd clapping, cheering and pretending to know every word to the Lions theme song…when it was clear that he had absolutely no idea!


“We are Brisbane, la la la, hmm hmm something, blue and gold! We are good and stuff, la la la la, yeah wow hey something old!

No doubt the Ruddstar will make the trek down to the MCG for Brisbane’s semi final clash with the Western Bulldogs on Friday night…

The Games:


Anytime you can drop your only ruckman from a do-or-die game to bring in an Irishman who had never played the sport twelve months ago…you have to do it, right?

Adelaide are damn scary! They win their first final for a few years and could barely have looked more impressive in the process…plus they have a couple of key additions to come for the Collingwood game. Essendon did well enough to make the finals but lost more games than they won during the year so it’s fitting that they bow out at this stage. They probably wish that they weren’t exposed this badly in prime time though!


Is it any coincidence that the only time Brad Johnson does not seem to have a smile on his face, Jason Akermanis appears to be running his mouth? Gee, good luck next year!

Geelong did exactly what it needed to do in order to qualify for a third straight preliminary final. How they prepare over the next two weeks will be vital as they aim for another grand final berth…well, they’ve had a bit of practice at it! The Doggies failed to deliver when it counted but Rodney Eade still believes they can go all the way. First things first – try starting with Aker’s old mob on Friday night! They’re coming…by whatever means necessary!


Not sure what Chris Judd is up to here but I’m sure it’s all pure and sweet and innocent. It’s Chris Judd after all…

Whatever Vossy said, it must have bordered on genius – it was one of the best alright! The Brisbane Lions kicked the last six goals of the match to storm to victory, leaving Carlton a long off-season to figure out what the heck just happened to them. But hey, at least Brendan Fevola tried really hard for the entire game! Will we see this more often? Unlikely…


If any team other than St Kilda wants to win the flag, they have to find a way to stop this bloke!!!

The Saints passed their first finals pressure test with flying colourshope Ross Lyon enjoys his break! Like the Dogs, the Pies still think they can win it but they need to beat the rampant Crows with two less days to prepare. Scott Pendlebury’s season could be over while you wonder whether they will persist with the Anthony Rocca Experience. He did lead the team with two goals…he also managed team-high stats for pulling mean faces, talking smack and unnecessary displays of force which result in nothing of substance.

No More Solly…For Now (Media Street)

Mark Harvey would never get rid of Solly…he loves the bloke! Just look at them – they are like a pair of slightly vacuous twins!

It is season over for Freo’s Dean Solomon after the AFL tribunal handed down an eight week suspension last night for his nasty clash with Geelong Mayor Cameron Ling. The sentence is not only greater than that handed down to Barry Brainfade earlier this year but it’s actually the heaviest handed down by the tribunal since Carlton’s Greg Williams shoved an umpire in round one 1997.

With Solomon out of contract as season’s end, there was talk that his career could be over but there is no way he won’t be back at Fremantle in 2009. The guy is only 28 years old, a premiership defender and, most importantly for the Dockers, a former Essendon player. So Mark Harvey will ensure Solly sticks around – along with Mark Johnson, Kepler Bradley…heck, don’t be surprised if Harvs recruits Jason Johnson and Damien Peverill to join them!

In fact, the Dockers were reportedly seeking legal advice over the severity of the penalty…perhaps they will argue that continuing to play every week alongside Jeff Farmer, Josh Carr and friends is a far greater punishment? They are probably right…

The Solly case ends a frantic couple of days for the League’s match review panel:

In other news:

Big Wins, Big Injuries, Big Problems! (The Lost Weekend)

Solomon sees red…

Well, that was another incident packed weekend! Important wins by St Kilda, Richmond, Collingwood and Hawthorn helped boost their respective finals chances while injuries to key players will test the playing stocks of both Geelong and Adelaide. Well…maybe only Adelaide! But the biggest story from the weekend comes out of Geelong where the Cats and Dockers are still counting the cost of a wild encounter at Skilled Stadium on Saturday.

Yeah, nah…sorry…and that…

Fremantle took a highly physical approach to the challenge of playing the reigning champs with the antagonising pair of Ryan Crowley and Josh Carr unsettling a few Cats…leaving them quite unimpressed. While they came close to crossing the line a few times, Dean Solomon took a few mammoth steps over that line when he attacked Cameron Ling with his pointy elbow!

Ling will probably miss the next month of footy and while Solomon went live-to-air after the match to apologise for the incident, he won’t receive a lot of sympathy this week from the AFL tribunal. How he got out of the Geelong region unscathed is close to miraculous. Then again, has Solomon been sighted since his TV apology? If not, we fear for his safety!

Oooh, that looks nasty! Dean Solomon came out and apologised for that as well…

At least Lingy will be back out there and scaring young children later this season…but Brett Burton won’t! His left knee collapsed during Adelaide’s loss to Collingwood and his season is over. While it is most likely that Burton will be back at some stage of 2009, have we seen the best of the high flying Birdman? Or will he undergo the same radical knee surgery as Nick Malceski and introduce the bionic leap to AFL football?

Here’s a look back at who claimed all the points as part of the Eight Point Game round:


A bit like Tadhg’s shoulder, the Swans just keep popping out every now and then…

It was at this point that the Dogs had the match all wrapped up…

Daniel Kerr might miss a few more games for this little incident


Brownlow Medal punters shat themselves when they saw Gazza’s ankle!

Shoulder trouble or huge Star Trek fan?

David Hille…Luke Darcy wants your phone number!

Hey Crabman!

Holy Crap! (Round 13 – Ling For The Brownlow!)

DUDE! My team is so frickin’ sweet! This is totally killer!!!

Well, that was fairly impressive. Bomber Thompson could do nothing but look on dreamily as his Cats thumped the living suitcase out of the West Coast Eagles at Subi last night. Gary Ablett completely ruined our Cameron Ling for the Brownlow campaign by not getting reported during another stand-out performance.

John Worsfold probably felt like smashing an assistant coach about the face during the flogging but stated post-match that the future for his team is still very bright. He probably didn’t realise that the Eagles have to travel to Geelong in round 22…but then if they have a priority draft pick on the line in that game, another crushing defeat may well brighten up their future!

In other action yesterday:

Today’s matches:


Brett Kirk: GUILTY of making contact with an umpire…after accusing the ump of ruining his path to enlightenment due to a poor free kick decision. REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

Manuka Oval, Canberra – 1:10pm (local): Melbourne v Sydney (FOX)

Every Carlton Player: GUILTY by association…REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Carlton v Essendon (SEVEN)

Adam Cooney: GUILTY of rough conduct…he stared threateningly at James Clement in 2007, forcing him into an early retirement. REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 4:40pm (local): Collingwood v Western Bulldogs (FOX)

Warning: Football Can Make You Drowsy (Round Thirteen – Ling For The Brownlow!)

The Saints would have loved to have one of these guys out there last night. The other one…hmmm, not so much.

Well, that was three hours of your life that you will never get back! And you know that a Friday night game is as boring as all get-out when sub-editors try to get away with writing dumb-ass headlines, purely for their own amusement. The guys at The Age went with “St Kilda killing off Fremantle’s finals hopes”…um, Freo have won two games all year. TWO GAMES! Gee, I wonder if Sydney will kill off Melbourne’s finals hopes tomorrow…

Even the people at the Herald Sun must have dozed off during the night after confusing St Kilda veteran Robert Harvey with Dockers coach Mark Harvey, which you can see in the image below. Well, Robert must be at least 15 years older than Mark so you can’t really blame them…easy mistake to make!

At least the Saints showed a fair bit of spirit after a string of lifeless efforts and Nick Riewoldt’s fine game kept the St Kilda faithful entertained while a burst of three goals in the second quarter from Matthew Pavlich was a rare highlight for Fremantle. After that…zzzzzzzzzzzz…

Typically, the Dockers went in as favourites after a win and totally stunk out the joint – they may as well just call themselves the Freo Pavlich from now on. No wonder Robert Mark Harvey is frustrated!

Won’t stand next to his opponent, won’t sit next to anyone in the stands! Even when he’s not playing, Nick Dal Santo is still unaccountable…

Hopefully, last night’s match was so damn boring that the umpires did not feel compelled to award Brownlow votes…assisting our push for a shock medal winner during Ling For The Brownlow round! Let’s see which other players need to be stopped today in order to get the Geelong Gingernut over the line…


Luke Hodge: GUILTY of attempting to strike…during a VFL appearance for Box Hill a few years ago. Look at that flying fist! That cannot go unpunished…REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Hawthorn v North Melbourne (TEN)

Matthew Richardson: GUILTY of breaching AFL merchandising trademarks by wearing unlicensed football products from Dimmeys. REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

AAMI Stadium, Adelaide – 2:40pm (local): Port Adelaide v Richmond (FOX)


Gary Ablett: GUILTY of charging David Wirrpanda…sure, it’s from an incident two seasons ago (when he had hair) but better late than never! REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

Subiaco, Perth – 5:40pm (local): West Coast v Geelong (TEN)

Jonathan Brown: GUILTY of striking…well, he was thinking about it after this incident…and we feel that intent is an admission of guilt! REPRIMAND – OUT OF BROWNLOW CONTENTION.

GABBA, Brisbane – 7:10pm (local): Brisbane v Adelaide (FOX)