Tag Archives: Dean Laidley

Round Twelve – What Happened Again?


Mmm…tasty! Friday night viewing at its finest starring Chris Judd


But not even the prospect of a blood-splattered reunion could keep his girlfriend away. Now that is true love!

Wow, that split round seems to drag on forever, doesn’t it! Feels like an age between Juddy’s face explosion on Friday June 12th and Cam Mooney brain explosions yesterday at Subiaco. Can barely remember most of what happened in between. If only one could find some kind of pictorial montage to help jog the memory…



Looks like the guy responsible for captions at Channel Seven took time off during the split round! Wonder who filled in for him and came up with this howler? My money is on David Schwarz…


Ben Cousins and Daniel Kerr reflecting on old times…the ones they can remember, of course!


If you thought Juddy’s nose made you a little squeamish, how did you go when the Brisbane medicos popped Troy Selwood’s shoulder back into place!


Sorry, did you say $800,000? How is this guy going to find enough money to pay Nathan Buckley to coach his club?


Well done, Mick. Remember – if the knife touches the bottom, you have to kiss the nearest boy! Now imagine if Buckley was the coach…Eddie would bring cake every week!!!

The Games:


Suffer in ya jocks, Hawthorn! Hawk reject Zac Dawson actually kicks a goal of his own that helps sink Carlton and keeps St Kilda unbeaten after 12 rounds.


Anyone ever associated with the Richmond Football Club joins in to sing the song after they beat West Coast. Well, it rarely happens so let them have their fun!


The Doggies took a nice trip to Darwin, chilled out inside a coolroom and they destroyed Port Adelaide during the split round. It was like they have just had two weeks off…lucky them!


Great win by the Lions…and you just know that whatever Browny is drinking there, it sure ain’t Powerade!!!


Dean Laidley’s wild week started with an important trip to Adelaide…it ended with a sudden resignation and a visit from Mick Molloy! Rough week…


Very predictable result on Friday night. Melbourne = shit, Essendon = promising, Mark McVeigh = dumb!


I tipped Sydney to win, I have Scott Pendlebury in my fantasy team and I don’t like Collingwood very much. What a shitty Saturday night! Thumbs down, Barry. Thumbs down!


They keep racking up win after win but any time a Geelong forward misses a sitter in front of goals, that’s the story right there! Especially when this hairy bloke is involved…


Round Three – Should Have Laid Off The Choccy Eggs!


Heath Shaw – seems like a touch…a touch too much!

Talk about having a crappy Easter break! Collingwood’s Heath Shaw would have been feeling sick to his stomach all weekend without the aid of a single chocolate egg (or many of them in succession, like the rest of us!) after his report for touching an umpire last Thursday night. Unfortunate because it was actually Alan Didak who touched the umpire, Shaw was just covering up for him…again!


Now this is the best way to touch an umpire…gently, respectfully and with a smile!

The matter has been sent straight to the tribunal so it will be a pretty big night there…particularly if there are a few players who elect to contest charges stemming from round three. But while some people in footy might have had a crappy Easter weekend; Heath Shaw, John Worsfold and Terry Wallace immediately spring to mind; it pales into insignificance compared to the anguish that the family and friends of ex-Hawk and footy documentary whiz Rob Dickson must be feeling. How sad…knocks the stuffing out of you, doesn’t it!

The Games:


Busted nose for Steve Johnson…guess he won’t be able to rely on his looks anymore!

Geelong continue on their merry way as they steamroll Collingwood…causing the normally-obtuse Mick Malthouse to deal in the bleeding obvious. The Pies were made to pay for numerous acts of inaccuracy…which makes you wonder whether Heath Shaw meant to grab the ump’s arm or was actually trying to grab him elsewhere and just plain missed! Bloody skill errors…


Be it celebrating with teammates or wrestling with opponents, Kossie just can’t stop whacking blokes in the head!

St Kilda could hardly have been more impressive during the opening three rounds, and Nick Riewoldt has yet to really get going. So maybe this is (finally) the year of the Saint? The Eagles looked very average and you can just imagine John Worsfold being so pissed that he would have confiscated every Easter egg from his players on the long flight home to Perth!


Two weeks ago, Essendon were a crap team and everybody at Windy Hill hated Hayden Skipworth…seems neither of those things are correct.

Carlton’s rise to premiership glory stalls after the Bombers win a classic in front of seventy thousand at the ‘G. If only Fev wasn’t injured, and if only Matthew Lloyd was really finished as a footballer (like he was last year), the result could have been so different. But…it wasn’t! And a big thanks to the bogan footy family who interrupted a quiet Saturday night dinner at the local Chinese restaurant in Warrnambool with random screams of “Go Bombers”. Made my night!

The Sydney Swans were meant to be Brisbane’s bogey side…sure didn’t look like it! The Lions knock off Sydney at home and it seems like the message of Voss is getting through…though if they are really setting themselves for a return to the big time, beating Collingwood at home is a must. And a Friday night as well…rare territory for Brisbane.


Doesn’t look like Dean Bailey is loving life as Melbourne coach but…



First we had Lloydy, now Warren Tredrea rises from the Useless AFL Player grave to kick six goals as Port bounce back after a poor showing in Perth last week. But come on – they were playing the Demons at home…as if they weren’t going to romp it in! The only problem they were going to have was with discipline…and yes, they struggled in that area again. The coach will be delighted. No, seriously – he will think it’s unreal! He loves tough guys…

The premiership hangover theory can be discarded too as Hawthorn put injury woes and tragedy aside to win easily over North Melbourne. It ended a miserable week for the Roos, Dean Laidley referring to the scrutiny around the chicken sex video as akin to World War III.  Well, without the global significance, the devastation and the mass killings of soldiers and innocent people, of course! Apart from that, yeah – just like a war…

The Crows did manage to handle their week of scrutiny a little better than the Roos, fighting their way to a good road win against the Dockers. Three rounds in and how many wins do Fremantle have? None! Luckily, coach Mark Harvey has a supporter in the coach that just knocked off his team. Grant Thomas is definitely not a supporter…but that probably works in Harvey’s favour!


Will the Tigers find inspiration from Richo snorting his glove through his nose and out his mouth? Well, anything is worth a shot for Richmond…

The Western Bulldogs, a top-four team in good form, had a good win yesterday over Richmond, not a top-four team and not in good form. So the outrage and hysteria about the Tigers seems a little over the top and, dare we say it, contrived by media types who need content for the week. But if Terry Wallace is feeling heat now, imagine what he will cop if they fall to the winless Demons this Sunday!

No More Kangas, No More Crows (The Lost Weekend)

The Cats are looking ominous again…even Cam Mooney’s man hugs have a finals like intensity!

And then there were six. Well, there’s definitely one and probably a second…the other four can probably start organising which sex toy they’d prefer to wear on their Mad Monday! Septocemia has hit week one of the finals and claimed both Adelaide and North Melbourne. while two other clubs have a second chance at glory…or at least stringing out their season for another week!

But it all appears to be academic…Geelong are just too freakin’ good it seems! Despite the efforts of many media types to declare St Kilda as some sort of genuine challenger, in particular the notoriously mouthy ex-Saints coach and Nick Riewoldt groupie Grant Thomas, the Saints were lucky to finish fourth in the first place and even luckier that they didn’t lose by 100 points or more as the Cats went through the motions in the final quarter to avoid further injury problems. And the craptacular performance of Riewoldt is living proof that he should be more particular about which male groupies he should spend his time with!

But Hawthorn also progressed to the preliminary final after an equally impressive win and look set for their first grand final appearance since the early nineties. Something bordering on the miraculous would need to happen if any teams other than the Cats and Hawks find themselves in the Grand Final!

Matty Scarlett wishes Robert Harvey a happy retirement…or something like that!


Alright guys – we have a big final against Hawthorn, our form has faded late in the season (again) and the whole nation is watching us. So tell me…how do we beat the Hawks tonight?


Yep, that’s great…don’t all f@#%&$g speak at once, will ya’s!!!

Second Qualifying Final – Hawthorn 18.19.127 def. Western Bulldogs 11.10.76

The Buddy Show rolls on as Lance Franklin’s eight goals fires Hawthorn past the Western Bulldogs and into a preliminary final. Franklin’s dazzling display again confirmed that he is the only thing standing between Geelong and the silverware but a few of his teammates have some fitness issues ahead of the prelim. Lucky they have an extra week to prepare…

The Doggies, on the other hand, struggled to handle the pressure of finals footy and haven’t been all that impressive late in the season either. So even if they do bounce back against Sydney in the semi finals, what hope do they have against the Cats?


This man just won another final interstate…and is he happy? Course not!

First Elimination Final – Collingwood 19.11.125 def. Adelaide14.10.94

The only result that could be considered an upset occurred on Saturday afternoon when Collingwood escaped from South Australia with a come-from-behind victory. It was yet another interstate triumph for the terminally grumpy Mick Malthouse and talk of a premiership challenge will be flooding out of all those Magpie fans. Awesome…

For Adelaide, their finals campaign was over before it started…or at least before it should have started, which would have been on Sunday in the first verses fourth qualifying final. Instead of a second chance, it is an early exit, plenty of disappointment and a string of harsh post-mortems. Probably lucky they had a record-low finals crowd to experience it all…


Now that’s a bunch of happy Swans…but has Barry Hall just applied a ‘brain-sucker’ to Jude Bolton???

Second Elimination Final – Sydney 17.8.110 def. North Melbourne11.9.75

Perhaps there is a little life left in Sydney yet! After a tight first half, the inspirational Brett Kirk showed the way to guide the Swans to a solid win over North Melbourne. Leo Barry feels that the criticism of their older players served as motivation to beat the Roos…so he will really look forward to the Melbourne media telling them how shit they are this week!

It’s all over for Shagga Grant!

For Dean Laidley, saying he was disappointed at North’s exit would have to be a massive understatement! As history will show, they blew it in round 22 and were then overrun by a Sydney outfit that are supposedly past it. But Laidley feels they are in better shape now than they were after last year…well, they will suffer one less finals flogging this time around. That has to be a positive…


Stephen Milne finally makes an impact in a finals game…if by ‘make an impact’ ,you mean ‘got busted being a sly little prick and gifted Geelong a double-goal’. Top work!!!

First Qualifying Final – Geelong 17.17.119 def. St Kilda 8.13.61

Geelong make mince meat out of St Kilda and now only needs to knock off either the Dogs or Swans in a fortnight to make the grand final. Even the typically reserved Cats coach could not help but express his delight in how well his team played. It wasn’t all great news for the Cats though with Paul Chapman under an injury cloud after leaving the game early and young midfielder Brent Prismall went down with a shocking knee injury.

St Kilda must have felt like legends in their own mind after flogging a weak Essendon side by over 100 points last week but reality just kicked them in the arse! And Ross Lyon couldn’t wait to declare his side as the underdogs for next week’s semi against Collingwood at the post-match press conference….well, he probably started preparing for the Pies at quarter time yesterday!

It’s Buddy Mania! (The Lost Weekend)

Is somebody giving away free stuff? Icy cold cans of Coke, perhaps? Or maybe it’s a scrag-fight! Nope, Buddy has kicked the tonne!!!

Round 22, 2008 brought up a few surprise results and some outstanding performances but it will always be remembered for being about Buddy…and not quite being about Fev! Lance Franklin kicked his 100th goal in the first quarter of Hawthorn’s crushing win against Carlton to send the capacity crowd into a fence-jumping frenzy! See it here

Brett Ratten was hoping for both players to crack the 100 goal mark on Saturday night but some early nerves in front of goal and late flooding tactics from Hawthorn conspired against the Fev, leaving him stranded on 99 goals. Ratten was far from impressed with the Hawks after the match but perhaps the Blues coach needs to focus on finding someone; anyone; that can help out by becoming a goal kicking threat and stop teams honing in on the Fev.

Poor Fev…

The other major point of interest from Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Arse round was which team would finish in fourth spot and earn the double chance and have the ‘good fortune’ of facing Geelong in the first qualifying final. And for a while, it seemed like a few sides were going out of their way to avoid finishing fourth as Collingwood and then North Melbourne were knocked off by teams in the bottom four.

When Adelaide held on for a thrilling win against the Western Bulldogs, it seemed like they had claimed the top four spot…even though it took cross-town rival Port Adelaide to help them out! But they also appeared to get a little help from a controversial umpiring decision that saw Jason Porplyzia awarded a goal in the final quarter that was clearly rushed for a behind by Jason Akermanis. The incident is being compared to Diego Maradona’s ‘hand of God’; though we should never encourage the use of the term God with Aker as he will, no doubt, take it personally.

Wait, that’s not a foot…it’s an arm. It’s Aker’s arm! Rushed behind…

What are you umps talking about? I touched it!!! See…this is my arm!!!

GOAL??? You’ve gotta be f&@$#%g kidding me!!!

But the media didn’t appear to be studying the AFL ladder that closely as most of them had the Crows preparing for a big clash with Geelong next weekend, only a few recognising the possibility of St Kilda winning the Sunday twilight match by enough points to leapfrog the Crows on percentage. And, sure enough, they pummelled a lightweight Essendon by 108 points and somehow finished fourth! Now the Pies are headed west to Adelaide and the Roos headed north to Sydney for cut-throat finals next week…that sucks dude!


Great Jeff, you finally played a good game…we are all so very impressed!


Big head, big grab! Brett Ebert and friends embarrass North Melbourne.

Mind you, Worsfold was pretty confident that none of his players were on drugs a couple of years ago…

Doctor Leo Barry attends to teammate Tadhg Kennelly’s shoulder…now he needs to work on the groin of Adam Goodes!


This man should be feeling embarrassed after the year he has had…and so should Dean Bailey!

Ever seen players this happy after being flogged by 100 points? At least it won’t happen to them ever again…

Round 20 – Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted!

The League are being a little heavy handed about these ground invasions…

Back from a week of thawing out in the far north of the country, Half Back Flanker couldn’t wait to get back into the daily grind of the AFL in footy-mad Melbourne. But while the pasty-white complexion of our skin might have changed (only slightly) during the break, the League’s determination to suck everything that is spontaneous and fun about our game remains the same!

With Lance Franklin and Brendan Fevola within reach of kicking 100 goals for the season, the League have threatened fans with evictions and fines if they attempt the traditional flooding onto the ground to celebrate the milestone. And while some coaches may agree with the League’s disapproval of the practice, including one particular sacked coach who feels it cost him a premiership and elevation into the legend status that currently exists in his own mind (and nowhere else…), the fans are more likely to ignore the warnings and charge onto the field as goal number one hundred sails through the big sticks!

Will Buddy Franklin kick the nine goals required to bring up his century of goals this weekend? And if he does, will security be escorting pesky fans out of the ground and issuing them with fines? Will Kevin Sheedy really be the first person running out into the middle…and will Mike Sheahan be in hot pursuit to whack him over the head with a rolled-up newspaper and shoo him away? All will be revealed during Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted round!

Half Back Flanker actually had the opportunity to participate in a ground invasion way back in 2001 when Matthew Lloyd cracked the ton in the first week of the finals against Richmond. However, despite all the excitement of witnessing such an achievement and the reaction of the crowd, we couldn’t bring ourselves to take that leap over the fence and be a part of it. Probably just as well, we were seated on level two…


AAMI Stadium, Adelaide – 7:40pm (local): Port Adelaide v Collingwood (SEVEN)

PIES by 31: Collingwood are certainties now that Mick Malthouse is milking last week’s mess to fire up his boys again…and they wonder why the media targets them and opposition fans are sick of them!


Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Essendon v Adelaide (FOX)

BOMBERS by 6: Well, Adelaide have never beaten Essendon in Melbourne…why start now? Plus, the Bombers will be inspired to do it for Lloydy

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Melbourne v West Coast (TEN)

DEMONS by 18: The media will probably pay more attention to this match than any other this round. Why? Because it smells tanky! We say – wake us up when it’s over…


GABBA, Brisbane – 7:10pm (local): Brisbane v Western Bulldogs (FOX)

DOGS by 9: The Bulldogs must be getting serious if training is any indication…shame the bust-up didn’t involve the out-of-form Jason Akermanis!

Telstra Stadium, Sydney – 7:10pm (local): Sydney v Geelong (TEN)

CATS by 25: The Swans can add as many premiership stars as they like but they will all be saying one word after feeling the might of the Cats…and that word rhymes with ‘a Canuck in the ruck’!


MCG, Melbourne – 1:10pm (local): Richmond v Hawthorn (FOX)

HAWKS by 48: Terry Wallace says he is ready to face scrutiny on his coaching future at Richmond if they fail to make the finals…just as well because the scrutiny will officially start around 4pm on Sunday!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Carlton v North Melbourne (SEVEN)

ROOS by 14: Dean Laidley will be feeling even more confident about a new contract after his side knocks off Carlton and they find themselves in fourth spot!

Subiaco, Perth – 2:40pm (local): Fremantle v St Kilda (FOX)

DOCKERS by 21: Mark Harvey hopes that the deeds of our Olympic athletes will inspire them to victory…even if it means his players don’t get a lot of sleep. Um, does Harvey know that the Games are in China this year? And that the time difference between Beijing and Fremantle is…absolutely nothing?

The Plot Twist We Should Have Seen Coming! (Round 16 – Dress Rehearsal)

How freakin’ good was Drew Petrie!!!

The script was written perfectly. Collingwood look like world beaters against power sides like Geelong and Sydney but always seem to trip up against teams they are supposed to beat. North Melbourne are seen as a battling club but always stand up when they are least expected to…So why on earth would anybody tip the Pies to win this one? With all these factors…why did WE tip them to win???

Sure enough, The Kangaroos kept things close in the first half before making their charge in the third quarter and produced the trademark ‘gritty’ win over the Pies. The victory keeps the Roos in the finals race and gave coach Dean Laidley a great opportunity to use the word ‘super’ a lot! Collingwood, on the other hand, have to deal with yet another sub-par performance in a game they should win. Mick Malthouse sensed it was going to happen…hasn’t quite figured out how to prevent it from happening yet.

They may have screwed up our tips but that picture…makes you smile, doesn’t it!

Here is a look ahead at today’s games for Dress Rehearsal round…chookas everyone!


Can Richmond make the finals this year…or is it all a big dress rehearsal for 2009? Or 2010? 2011?

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Richmond v Essendon (FOX)

Take note Doggies: Port beat Geelong in a dress rehearsal at Skilled Stadium last season – didn’t mean jack-diddly come Grand Final day!

Skilled Stadium, Geelong – 2:10pm (local): Geelong v Western Bulldogs (TEN)


John Worsfold should forget about these dress rehearsals and just cancel the rest of the season already!

GABBA, Brisbane – 7:10pm (local): Brisbane v West Coast (FOX)

No time for dress rehearsals at St Kilda…it’s virtuoso performance or bust!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 7:10pm (local): St Kilda v Hawthorn (TEN)

A Doughnut! My Kingdom For A Doughnut! (The Lost Weekend)

Travis Cloke beats up on two Demons at once…Dad must be so proud!

Melbourne may have been out there doing it for the jumper but Collingwood did it for the Queen! The Magpies were made to battle hard by a fired-up Demons outfit before running out clear winners in the Queens Birthday clash at the MCG yesterday. Not even the loss of two key players or the inspired state of an opponent reflecting on a storied history could stop the Pies.

While Collingwood are now entrenched in the top eight, the Dees remained rooted to the bottom of the ladder (with the key word being ‘rooted’)…though there could be some light at the end of the tunnel. Paul Gardner is standing down as president of the football club to make way for former great Jim Stynes…who has some big plans for the club. But Melbourne don’t need big plans…they need rich plans. Very, very rich plans!

If you think it has been a long weekend with eight matches stretched over four days, spare a thought for Kangaroos coach Dean Laidley. Having missed out on something to eat at halftime during Friday night’s game against Geelong, Laidley picked up the phone to order some room service and when his request for doughnuts was turned down, he went totally feral!


The combination of a busted phone and poor coaching decisions due to low blood sugar levels resulted in the Roos going down to the Cats…though Gary Ablett may have been a determining factor as well! So when Dean Laidley’s daughter offered her dad a sweet treat, her timing could have been better…

A Doughnut? Well, it’s a bit bloody late now!

Pfffftttt! May as well eat it…

Here’s a wrap of all the events of God Save The Queen Round:


Everybody, this is Ricky…I pay him to be my friend!!

Wow…so this is what winning feels like!

NEWSFLASH! Someone other than Brown or Bradshaw just kicked a goal for Brisbane!!


Another failed test…perhaps these Tigers should go back to school!

Essendon’s worst nightmare!

Fixing matchups or playing Scrabble? Either way, Paul Roos whistles while he works another miracle…

The head may be sacrosanct but for Mr Reprimand, it makes a nice target!