Tag Archives: Dermott Brereton

When The Cats Go Marching In! (2009 AFL Grand Final)

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PremierCats

Wow – Geelong are good at this cup-lifting thing! Looks like they’ve done it before…

Holy crap – what a day! A massive audience, a classic match and even the pre-match entertainment didn’t totally suck…well, until the Jersey Boys got involved! Yep, a limp-as-a-lettuce-leaf rendition of the national anthem – won’t that inspire to football masses to buy tickets to their crappy stage show!

NormChapman

Chappy deservedly wins Norm…just don’t ask me how he did it!

Anyway, back to the footy and on a wet, cold day at the ‘G, it was Geelong that found their way to the front when it mattered to win a second flag in three seasons. On the verge of two straight grand final catastrophes, the Cats scored three goals to nil in the final term to earn the ultimate reward for their sustained excellence and become a truly great outfit. Look out, Lions!

HayesYells

How would it feel to lead most of the way in a Grand Final and lose? Lenny Hayes pretty much sums it up…

One of these teams was always going to feel unfortunate to miss out on the great prize. Few could have predicted just how devastating defeat would become for the Saints…particularly when things quite easily could have gone their way had they capitalised on their opportunities early.

BustedGoddard

Broken collarbone, busted nose, dream destroyed…hard to imagine anybody feeling worse than Brendon Goddard must have after the siren!

If there is any consolation for the St Kilda faithful, it seems to lie with the hard-line stance of the coach looking to ensure his club strives to improve and bounce back in 2010. The popular Max Hudghton won’t be back but it will be interesting to see if anybody else joins him on the sidelines…like little twerp goal sneaks who wear number 44, for example.

RookeMobile

Max Rooke claims himself some new wheels…might come in handy this week during the celebrations! Wonder if his psychic told him about this as well?

But enough HBF-style hardcore analysis…it’s time to wind down after a long season that again defied all expectations (and defied logic at certain stages) and let our collective hairs down! Then, maybe, we can start worrying about who will be the team to beat in 2010. Until then, may all your Mondays be Mad and your blondes a little better looking than this one!


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Rough Start But It Sure Got Better! (Septocemia – 2009 AFL Finals Series)

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SlowRocca

The slow motion footage, the wanky opera music, the pissweak attempt to make Anthony Rocca appear graceful. Yep, must be finals time!

September action is finally under way! There was a bit of an ugly beginning on Friday night but after that we saw plenty of riveting footy action that made sitting through rubbish games like round 22 West Coast v Richmond all worthwhile. Typically in the first week of the finals, the results play out according to ladder position. The top two sides win through to the preliminary final and the seventh and eighth teams are eliminated. Boring! But this year…no just kidding! It all went to plan but it was far from boring.

RiewoldtIce

St Kilda will now encase Nick Riewoldt’s entire body in ice for two weeks to ensure he is right for preliminary final day!

Runaway leaders during the home-and-away season, St Kilda were destined for failure according to Dermott Brereton, the Bogan Football Oracle himself. If Brereton’s ‘theory’ held such weight then we are screwed this year because each of the top four teams have not experienced Hawthorn-style sustained success in the past 45 to 50 years. Shall we just not award the premiership cup this season because Dermie feels none of the clubs are worthy enough? It’s not just about culture – class goes a long way too; Nick Riewoldt and the Saints proved that on Sunday. This also leads us to the Cats…

LingWins

The media wanted the red, white and blue to triumph on Saturday. Well, it did….but only in the form of football’s favourite ranga, Mr Cameron Ling!

Geelong’s performance in the other qualifying final not only shattered the Western Bulldogs but ruined the football media’s fevered pursuit of a drought breaking premiership for the Dogs. There was no doubt that the preference for Saturday’s game was success for the ‘sexier’ storyline of the Doggies. Poised to make history! This might be their year! And Channel Ten spent the entire pre-match playing the Footsray violin and barely recognising the fact that the Cats have their own shot at creating some history going on this September.

FootscrayViolin

The 1954 Footscray premiership team pass the mantle to the cuurent day players. Didn’t realise the Doggies were already in the Grand Final?! Well, congratulations…I guess.

Don’t get me wrong – that feature made for good television. Really good television. It would have been perfect as part of the pre-game for the 2009 Grand Final…if the Bulldogs were actually playing in it! But the Dogs were the third-placed team playing a club that, believe it or not, actually finished higher than them on the ladder…and has been the best performed team for the past three years. The hacks had Geelong written off, forgotten and ignored…that will be hard to do now they are in the prelim!

ThirstyKnights

Matthew Knights would have been looking for something a little stronger to drink as the night wore on!

While the beaten Doggies and Pies live to fight another day, two teams are in the midst of conducting their alcohol-laced post-mortems after being eliminated on the weekend. The first team to be shown the door was Essendon…and it sure wasn’t pretty! Already undermanned and missing their first three ruck options, Essendon coach Matthew Knights gambled at the last minute by leaving out the only bloke they had over 200cms tall for ‘a runner’, which ended up being an Irish kiddie who cannot even spell Sherrin…let alone drop one onto his foot to kick a goal from the goal line!

Actually, they looked ok early until they coughed up a goal late in the first quarter…and then another 22 goals for the rest of the night! Reports of involvement by Bombers players in an altercation at some Adelaide nightclub proved to be false. For the second time that night, it seems that they were merely innocent bystanders!

LionsSing

You never see Jono Brown this pumped up! Either they have just pulled off a miracle comeback or Cold Chisel have reformed!!!

The Bombers were joined in post-season shenanigans by the Brisbane Lions Carlton? WHAT? How did this happen? The Blues were home for all money with a five-goal lead early in the final quarter but half an hour later, their season was over. Brisbane completed a true football miracle which resulted in euphoric scenes all around the Gabba, including some great footage of Prime Minister Kevin Rudd clapping, cheering and pretending to know every word to the Lions theme song…when it was clear that he had absolutely no idea!

HappyRuddster

“We are Brisbane, la la la, hmm hmm something, blue and gold! We are good and stuff, la la la la, yeah wow hey something old!

No doubt the Ruddstar will make the trek down to the MCG for Brisbane’s semi final clash with the Western Bulldogs on Friday night…

The Games:

QuinnHowler

Anytime you can drop your only ruckman from a do-or-die game to bring in an Irishman who had never played the sport twelve months ago…you have to do it, right?

Adelaide are damn scary! They win their first final for a few years and could barely have looked more impressive in the process…plus they have a couple of key additions to come for the Collingwood game. Essendon did well enough to make the finals but lost more games than they won during the year so it’s fitting that they bow out at this stage. They probably wish that they weren’t exposed this badly in prime time though!

PissedDogs

Is it any coincidence that the only time Brad Johnson does not seem to have a smile on his face, Jason Akermanis appears to be running his mouth? Gee, good luck next year!

Geelong did exactly what it needed to do in order to qualify for a third straight preliminary final. How they prepare over the next two weeks will be vital as they aim for another grand final berth…well, they’ve had a bit of practice at it! The Doggies failed to deliver when it counted but Rodney Eade still believes they can go all the way. First things first – try starting with Aker’s old mob on Friday night! They’re coming…by whatever means necessary!

JuddFinger

Not sure what Chris Judd is up to here but I’m sure it’s all pure and sweet and innocent. It’s Chris Judd after all…

Whatever Vossy said, it must have bordered on genius – it was one of the best alright! The Brisbane Lions kicked the last six goals of the match to storm to victory, leaving Carlton a long off-season to figure out what the heck just happened to them. But hey, at least Brendan Fevola tried really hard for the entire game! Will we see this more often? Unlikely…

RiewoldtCelebrates

If any team other than St Kilda wants to win the flag, they have to find a way to stop this bloke!!!

The Saints passed their first finals pressure test with flying colourshope Ross Lyon enjoys his break! Like the Dogs, the Pies still think they can win it but they need to beat the rampant Crows with two less days to prepare. Scott Pendlebury’s season could be over while you wonder whether they will persist with the Anthony Rocca Experience. He did lead the team with two goals…he also managed team-high stats for pulling mean faces, talking smack and unnecessary displays of force which result in nothing of substance.

Man, You Footy Fans Are Crazy! (2008 AFL Grand Final)

These Hawk fans have gone to a whole lotta trouble…but then it has been 17 years in between grand finals for them!

AFL Grand Final – MCG, 2:30pm (local): Geelong v Hawthorn (SEVEN)

One more sleep, footy freaks! Septocemia has engulfed the self-acknowledged ‘Sporting Capital Of The World’ and with less than twenty-four hours until the bounce, the excitement for Cats and Hawks fans must be tough to contain.  To call September in Melbourne a “silly season” is an understatement of gigantic proportions…the place is more than silly right now; it’s completely freakin’ mental!

Silly season? What silly season? You find freaks like this every weekend in Melbourne!

If you needed any further proof, the place to be today was at the grand final parade!

Which bloke will be lucky enough to get that free hand on the trophy as well?

Of course, these two teams played out one of the best ever grand finals in 1989 and now Victoria has gone into some kind of late-80’s time warp! Plenty of reminiscing is going on…and don’t some of the old-timers love it! Since the Hawks held on to claim the flag in ’89, these two sides have also maintained a decent history of closely contested games – let’s hope this continues tomorrow. After all the whinging from the local media over the years about those pesky interstaters crashing the grand final party since the year 2000…it would really suck for them if we have another blowout!

Did Buddy try to disguise himself as a motorcycle traffic cop to avoid attention at the grand final parade?

So, the time for talk is over and the game is almost here! No matter which part of the world you find yourself tomorrow, there are ways to keep track of the events at the MCG, so there are no excuses to miss a second of what shapes up to be a gripping finale to the football season. If you are taking advantage of the occasion to crank up the barbie for the first time since last April, go check the gas bottle…right now! And if you have a ticket for the game, you are one lucky son-of-a-gun…or you must have connections!

And, for what it’s worth, our tip is back-to-back flags for Geelong…CATS by 27. Norm Smith Medal…lil’ Ablett!

Now grand final day is always a special occasion – exciting, dramatic, sweaty and bloody long! But when does all the interesting stuff happen? Well, Half Back Flanker has put together a complete run-down of the events on grand final day so that you can skip the crap that you don’t like but don’t miss any of the action!

THE 2008 AFL GRAND FINAL DAY TIMETABLE

9:00am: AFL Under-16 Championships Division Two Grand Final – Tasmania v Northern Territory. Winners each receive their first keg, courtesy of major sponsor Carlton Draught.

10:55am: AFL Under-16 Championships Division One Grand Final – Western Australia v Vic Metro. Winners each receive $10,000 from player agent Ricky Nixon and his business card. No obligations though…

12:55pm: Carlton Draught sky troopers parachute into arena.

Look out below…beer incoming!!!

12:58pm: Arena cleared of drunk bogans who jump the fence in an attempt to catch “all the giant beers falling from the sky!”

1:10pm: Delivery of match balls, beamed down from Lance Franklin’s alien spacecraft.

1:15pm: AFL Grand Final teams warm up in AFL-approved velour tracksuits.

1:35pm: Pre-match entertainment starts.

1:36pm: Pre-match entertainment cancelled due to lack of entertainment value.

1:41pm: Cavalcade of retiring players, 2008 Hall of Fame inductees, Olympians, Paralympians and the Terang Mortlake Bloods, Hampden Football League premiers, after a full week of non-stop drinking. The cavalcade will drive very, very slowly

The crowd will love Powderfinger…which makes you wonder how they found themselves on the bill! Perhaps the AFL were desperate when the Seekers pulled out at the last minute…

1:49pm: Performance by Australian Rock act Powderfinger.

1:50pm: Powderfinger performance cancelled after noise complaints from some of the AFL commissioners.

1:52pm: A 20-minute flag waving display from the Holden Precision Goal Umpires Team.

Some flag-waving fun…what a treat!

2:12pm: Delivery of 2008 Cup from ambassador Glen Archer to AFL chairman Mike Fitzpatrick. AFL chairman left to tip all the cold beer out of the cup.

2:15pm: Umpires enter arena under full police protection.

2:16pm: Teams enter arena.

2:17pm: Cyril Rioli exits the arena for a nervous wee.

2:27pm: Advance Australia Fair performed by Rocky Horror Picture Show star Derryn Hinch.

Think you’ve heard some dodgy renditions over the years? Well, just wait until you hear this!

2:28pm: Coin toss.

2:29pm: Another coin toss after Tom Harley successfully appeals for a ‘best-of-three’.

2:30pm: The 2008 AFL Grand Final.

3:40pm: Half Time AFL Grand Final Sprint; featuring the only eight AFL players who are currently sober.

5:15pm: Presentation of Norm Smith Medal for the best player, probably to Steve Johnson of Geelong. Presentation of premiership medallions, probably to Geelong. Presentation of Jock McHale medal to premiership winning coach, probably to Mark Thompson of Geelong. Presentation of premiership cup, probably to Tom Harley of Geelong.

9:30pm: A semi-conscious, half-naked Billy Brownless dragged off arena by seven burly security guards after going too hard too early with the post-match celebrations.

Round 17 – Party Like It’s 1989!

The Hawks and Cats at a packed MCG…just like the good old days!

1989 – what a year! George W Bush’s daddy succeeded Ronald Reagan as US president, Seinfeld made its debut on American television, Madonna was rocking the world with Like A Prayer and Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell were stinking up movie theatres the world over in Tango & Cash…though I’m sure we all wish this didn’t happen!

Hawthorn and Geelong or Tango and Cash? Which would you prefer to watch tonight?

But 1989 is fondly remembered by footy followers as the year of the greatest grand final ever played…though there has been at least one worthy challenger in recent times. Hawthorn defeated Geelong by six points in a classic despite Gary Ablett (Senior) going mental to kick a record nine goals.

With these two teams facing off again in a blockbuster encounter at the MCG tonight, Half Back Flanker is launching Party Like It’s 1989 round as we celebrate what should be a great match played in a finals-like atmosphere against two re-established powerhouse clubs.

One vital aspect of modern day life that had yet to be introduced in 1989 is, of course, the World Wide Web. Therefore, as part of the celebrations for Party Like It’s 1989, we will be switching off the computer on Friday night, busting out the trusty old tranny radio and going ‘old-school’ this weekend! We will rejoin the 21st century on Monday with a look back at all the action of round 17!

TEAM NEWS

FRIDAY NIGHT

Dermott re-enacting the events of 1989…though he seems to spend every day behaving like he’s still in the late eighties!

MCG, Melbourne – 7:40pm (local): Hawthorn v Geelong (SEVEN)

CATS by 38: Geelong may not be indestructible but they will turn the tables from the ’89 grand final…with Max Rooke trying to do his best Mark Yeates impersonation on Buddy Franklin!

SATURDAY AFTERNOON

Collingwood were still suffering a long, painful premiership drought in 1989…until the Bombers ruined everything the following year by losing the 1990 grand final!

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Essendon v Collingwood (TEN)

MAPGIES by 21: Essendon are struggling to put a team together so the Pies should get up unless they have a big lapse in concentration…which is not beyond this Collingwood side!

The evergreen Robert Harvey had only just turned 30 years of age in 1989!!!

Subiaco, Perth – 2:10pm (local): West Coast v St Kilda (FOX)

SAINTS by 18: Shame that Michael Gardiner won’t get to play against the club that dumped him…would have been the most interesting thing about this game!

SATURDAY NIGHT

In the mid-80’s, the Swans had Tommy Hafey, Dr. Geoffrey Edelston and a shitload of money. But by 1989, all of it was gone!

SCG, Sydney – 7:10pm (local): Sydney v Adelaide (FOX)

SWANS by 18: Neil Craig might want to steer clear of the boundary line this week…particularly if Barry Hall gets a little frustrated, as he tends to do…

The old ‘Bad News Bears’ were stinking up Carrara in 1989…and it could be bad news for Brisbane on Saturday night if they don’t win!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 7:10pm (local): Richmond v Brisbane (TEN)

TIGERS by 18: Richmond would hate to lose such an important game, their finals hopes and their major sponsor all in the same week!

SUNDAY

Neither the Power or Dockers even existed back in 1989 but Port Adelaide is the only one have had any reason to party since joining the AFL!

AAMI Stadium, Adelaide – 1:10pm (local): Port Adelaide v Fremantle (FOX)

POWER by 18: It has been a bleak old year for Port Adelaide and things are fairly negative over there…two wins in a row should cheer them up! Or not…

Jim Stynes caused Melbourne a fair bit of pain in the late 80’s when he ran over the marknow he’s inflicting more pain on the Dees!

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Melbourne v North Melbourne (SEVEN)

ROOS by 48: The Kangas must have the right people in place…look at how well they are coming along! But the Demons just can’t get it right at all

Since 1989, fortunes have changed dramatically for the battling Footscray Bulldogs and the Carlton Blues…in particular for their president John Elliot!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 4:40pm (local): Western Bulldogs v Carlton (FOX)

DOGS by 24: The Bulldogs are just happy enough to have avoided financial ruin so the win will be a nice bonus!