Tag Archives: Essendon

Ahhh, Me F*&!%#$ Hammy! (Round Four – Bite Ya Nails!)

Forget Bite Ya Nails…it’s Pull Ya Hammy Round down at Essendon!

Ealy in the final term last night, the opening match of Bite Ya Nails round looked poised for a tight finish. That is, until the arse fell out of Essendon…or, more specifically, the muscle just below it! The Doggies fell behind at three quarter time after a strong start but finished with six unanswered goals to stay undefeated and totally ruin our idea of tight finishes for every match this weekend. Talk about selfish…

But the Western Bulldogs have four wins on the board and a date with Richmond next Sunday…great start to the year for them. Essendon, on the other hand, have upcoming games against the Saints and Magpies and an injury list longer than Dustin Fletcher’s arm!

Bite Ya Nails Round continues today with four matches:


Sucked in Saints…we beat ya to it!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): St Kilda v Geelong (TEN)


(Source: realfooty.com.au – John Donegan)

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): North Melbourne v Melbourne (FOX)

ANZ Stadium, Sydney – 7:10pm (local): Sydney v West Coast (TEN)


GABBA, Brisbane – 7:10pm (local): Port Adelaide v Brisbane (FOX)

  • Any clash between Port and Brisbane must pay homage to the 2004 grand final! Will we see any premeditated hay-makers tonight? Now that Jono Brown is a bit more mature, we think probably not!
  • Ok – this round is actually meant to be about tight finishes….but the margin was just seven points last year, two points in 2005 and one point in 2003. So they are good for a nail-biter every couple of years or so.
  • Port Adelaide haven’t won a game yet this season and even though Mark Williams insists nobody is panicking at the Power right now, they might start if they are 0-4 after tonight.
  • Brisbane have gone for some leg speed in order to keep up with the Power…perhaps Cheynee Stiller will spend the game keeping up with Chad Cornes and telling him how cool it would be to live on the Gold Coast!

Round Four – Bite Ya Nails!


Oh my God…I just tipped Melbourne to win!!!

When you look at the match-ups for this weekend’s round of footy, it makes you wonder whether the League accidentally scheduled Rivalry Round on the wrong weekend! Check it out; Collingwood v Carlton – decades of hate. Sydney v West Coast – every game decided by less than a goal. Brisbane v Port Adelaide – well, who doesn’t automatically think Alastair Lynch v Shane Wakelin?

But it’s not just rivalry that all these clubs seem to have in common – what about Leo Barry’s mark to deny West Coast in the 2005 grand final? Or Buddy Franklin tearing the heart out of the Adelaide Crows in last year’s finals series? At second glance, there’s also quite a history of tight finishes…hey, let’s have a another goofy theme round!

So if last week was Hate Ya Guts round, tonight sees the start of Bite Ya Nails round! It will be jangles nerves for everybody – whether your team is up by a goal in the final term or your least favourite player is trying to pinpoint passes across the face of his own goal. Or, for example, perhaps your extremely nervous about lawyers ruining your competition by challenging the rules on free agency.

But if the nerves are getting to you or your fingers start bleeding, don’t worry – two hours of footy and it will all be over! Well, except for that free agency thing…



BULLDOGS by 6: Both teams can rack up the points – we might see the first ever game where both sides score 200 points each! (Edit: Lloyd is out…so only one team will score 200 points now!)

CATS by 1: Well, the Saints have so many freakin’ problems right now that they couldn’t possibly beat the Cats, could they? Probably not…but it will be close.

ROOS by 3: The Demons are taking pride in losing by less and less every week – what a great opportunity to lose by less than a goal.

SWANS by 2: No matter how many Eagles miss through injury, this game will go down to the wire. It just has to.

POWER by 5: Another loss for Port and the Gold Coast might start looking a little more attractive for Chad Cornes!

HAWKS by 4: A win and anything less than two players being reported would be a satisfying day for Hawthorn!

MAGPIES by 1: Carlton will push them but not even Richard Pratt has enough dough to buy his club a win at the moment.

DOCKERS by 6: They say Chris Tarrant is happy in the west but win, lose or draw, don’t be surprised if he tries to smuggle himself back to Melbourne by hiding in Matty Richardson’s suitcase!

Tonight’s action:


The Year of the Great Flood

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 7:40pm (local): Essendon v Western Bulldogs (SEVEN)

What Time Is It? Time For More Hatred! (Round Three – Hate Ya Guts!)

Um…where is everybody?

Remembered to wind your clock back an hour after an extra week of Daylight Savings Time? Though it would be quite funny if 70,000 packed the MCG one hour early for the Richmond-Collingwood game – those two sets of supporters, sitting around, nothing to do, Hate Ya Guts round…the intensity in the stands could match that on the field!

But no supporter in their right mind would miss out on Hate Ya Guts round, unless a few Richmond fans have wound their clocks back 30 years – and you couldn’t blame them for trying, could you?

Just in case you were rocking out to Queens of the Stone Age at the V Festival and completely forgot about the footy, here’s what happened:

Today’s action:
Happy Anniversary?
Skilled Stadium, Geelong – 1:10pm (local): Geelong v Melbourne (FOX)


MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Richmond v Collingwood (SEVEN)


The Best Baa By Faa?

AAMI Stadium, Adelaide – 4:10pm (local): Adelaide v Port Adelaide (FOX)

Happy Birthday Rocket! (Round Three – Hate Ya Guts!)

Happy Birthday Rocket

You remembered my birthday! Awww shucks, you boys are sooo nice…

At quarter time last night, it appeared that Hate Ya Guts round would start with a fizzer. With big names like Riewoldt, Koschitzke and Gehrig towering over their opponents, the highly-fancied Saints were firing and the Dogs couldn’t buy a goal or a free kick. 3AW caller Rex Hunt even pronounced the game as being over (via his ‘Fat-Lady’) after just fifteen minutes – for what its worth (um…not much).

But, as we all know, a lot can happen in four quarters of footy – which is why games are not played on paper, nor in the mind of delusional loud-mouthed fishermen! With Ryan Griffin running amok and Jason Akermanis packing more junk in his trunk, the Dogs went nuts for the next three quarters to remain unbeaten and celebrate another milestone in style – coach Rodney Eade’s 50th birthday.

Gee, the Dogs love a milestone game – Rocket Eade last night, Brad Johnson in round one…who’s turn is it next week? It must be Scott West’s 50th birthday soon!

Hate Ya Guts Round continues today with four matches:


Living In The Seventies

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): North Melbourne v Hawthorn (TEN)


Give Him One!

Subiaco, Perth – 2:10pm (local): West Coast v Fremantle (FOX)

MCG, Melbourne – 7:10pm (local): Essendon v Carlton (TEN)
  • A true rivalry, Essendon and Carlton have been at it for over 100 years having played each other 226 times, the Blues holding a 117-105 edge with four draws. The Bombers have won 10 of the 19 meetings in finals, including the 1993 grand final by the ‘Baby Bombers’.
  • With sixteen flags each, Essendon and Carlton share the record for the most VFL/AFL premierships. Nowadays, wins are a lot harder to come by..and premierships? Maybe next decade!
  • But of all the Essendon-Carlton clashes, the one that every fan talks about (or runs away to quietly convulse in the corner) is the 1999 preliminary final! The Blues will no doubt draw on that for inspiration – well, there has been little else to celebrate since then.
  • Except for any time they beat Essendon, which usually occurs once per year despite Carlton’s recent woes. Last year’s meeting was no exception – the Blues recording the biggest comeback in their long history to win by under a goal. So you can bet something crazy will happen today!



GABBA, Brisbane – 7:40pm (local): Brisbane v Sydney (FOX)

It Sucks Being This Good (The Lost Weekend)

Not Happy 

We let them kick six goals today, Bruce…I’m pretty pissed off right now!

What is it with these coaches who seem happier to win by one point rather than 100 points? Alastair Clarkson played down Hawthorn’s 104-point drubbing of Melbourne in round one, at pains to trot out the old “it’s only round one” line. Rodney Eade is similarly understated after the big win on Saturday…he seemed happier to rely on Nathan Bock missing a set shot to scrape through their opening round match!

Then yesterday, Geelong makes mincemeat out of Essendon in a frighteningly lopsided contest, prompting calls that the Cats are better than last year and everybody else should just give up now. Yet Geelong coach Mark ‘Bomber Cat’ Thompson only wanted to focus on how much his side had to improve! Well, that other team did kick a couple of goals here and there…you can’t have that! 

The Bombers actually thought they were half a show after running over the top of the Roos last week and Matthew Knights spoke about developing a ‘dare to win’ attitude with his side. Though when you ignore the best midfield in the business, you could be asking for trouble. In retrospect, he probably should have ‘double-dared’ them!

So having spanked the Bombers, what’s next for the mighty Cats? A home game at Skilled Stadium…against Melbourne. Forget the mere spanking, this could get pornographic! We are talking X-rated – if Demons Dean Bailey is looking to add some experience to his team, he should consider playing Paris Hilton!

In other results yesterday:

Coming up this week…

Western Bulldogs v St Kilda: The Saints have yet to lose a match of any kind this year – can they get over the 2-0 Dogs and set up a blockbuster with Geelong next week?

North Melbourne v Hawthorn: Both clubs should be thankful this game is not being played in Launceston!

West Coast v Fremantle: Two surly coaches, one hungry media pack – the off-field battle this week could be more intense than the on-field stuff.

Brisbane v Sydney: The two northern state clubs may each have derby matches of their own in the future…but the locals aren’t that impressed with the way the AFL has gone about it.

Essendon v Carlton: The Blues haven’t won since June 9th 2007 but even during this period of ‘rebuilding’, they are usually good for one beating of Essendon per year…usually in dramatic circumstances!

Geelong v Melbourne: Can we just call this game off now? Seriously, there’s no need to play it – just give both teams the weekend off and spare us all the embarrassment.

Richmond v Collingwood: Last week, it was the League officials – this week it’s the umpiring department. Honestly, why the hell is Mick Malthouse so pissed off all the time? Rich club, competitive team…is that not enough?

Adelaide v Port Adelaide: So the Power could be 0-3 if the Crows beat them this weekend? Wow, the Showdown may have just got a little more feral…if that is even possible!

The best of the weekend reading:


Being Crap Is Kinda Cute…Sometimes (Round Two – Australia, You Bloody Beauty!)


Imagine if Steven Bradbury didn’t win that gold medal. The Aussie speed skater knew he wasn’t fast enough to beat the four other finalists but his tactic of cruising well behind the leaders and hoping they fell over worked a treat. Gold medal! National Hero! Footy game played in his honour!

But what would have happened if those other four competitors stayed on their feet (or skates) and the guy finished a distant last? We reckon two things:

  1. That the name Steven Bradbury will be remembered alongside that of Eddie “The Eagle” Edwards and Eric The Eel Moussambani;
  2. All three of those guys would just be thankful they don’t play for Melbourne!

Harsh? Maybe…but the Demons copped another beating yesterday and the new coach has a massive task ahead of him to salvage his side’s season…this after just two games! And you thought the four years between Olympics was a long, long time…try being a Melbourne supporter this season.

Just in case you were trying to find a spare $125 million yesterday and missed all the action, here’s what happened at the footy:

Today’s action:
Sydney 2000Sorry
SCG, Sydney- 1:10pm (local): Sydney v Port Adelaide (FOX)


PlaneAir Hostesses

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Geelong v Essendon (SEVEN)

  • The history of Australian aviation will be the focus of the Geelong v Essendon match at the Dome. Attempts to allow a series of old fighter planes to fly through the open roof and land on the surface have been scrapped because the roof will probably be closed…just in case it rains at any stage over the next five days.
  • Of course, Essendon have a long association with aviation – there’s Essendon airport, the nickname ‘Bombers’ and former coach Kevin Sheedy’s obsession with flying saucers!
  • And there is Geelong who…well, Avalon airport is not far from there…
  • When a football club is performing well, they are known to be ‘flying’. Geelong did this all of last year while Essendon unveiled a new-look playing style last week. Both clubs may be ‘flying’ right now but after this afternoon, who will have crash-landed?



MCG, Melbourne – 4:40pm (local): Richmond v North Melbourne (FOX)

It’s Only One Game But…You Gotta Lift! (Media Street)

Shannon Noll

This guy knows how hard it can get! (Source: shannonnoll.com.au)

Plenty of people in the football world are being asked to give the old Shannon Noll CD a listen this week after sub-par performances to start to the new AFL season. You would think that everybody is entitled to a bad game every now and again…but it doesn’t tend to work that way in the AFL.

But who is copping it in the neck after one poor game? How will they respond this week? And if given the choice between a stint in the reserves or sitting through an entire Shannon Noll CD, what would they choose? Tough decision. Personally, we would elect to run out for Williamstown or the Tassie Devils…

So, who’s gotta lift? Come on, we know you’re stronger. Stronger than this!


Daniel Wells: Complete non-factor in North’s loss to the Bombers, Wells was forced to face the media and announce that he will lift his work rate this week. Perhaps the Roos gave Wells a copy of Noll’s CD for Christmas last year…it seems they have been worried for a while about this guy.


Fremantle: Dockers coach Mark Harvey hit back yesterday after some excitable critics got up his nose following their loss to Collingwood. Harvs didn’t seem to take kindly to accusations that his team are headcases and the playing list is older than he is. They wouldn’t want to lose at home this week but we all know that the coach will have Shannonn Noll cranked up to eleven in the changerooms before the match!


Melbourne: There has been plenty of soul searching at the Dees, which you would expect after losing your first round match by 104 points. Now the media are accusing the club of not really having a soul to search. Will they be able to turn it all around this week against the awesome power of Brad Johnson’s toothy grin?

Dickheads: David Neitz wants the AFL to create a separate tribunal designed to punish players for off-field indiscretions. After the last couple of weeks all we can say is…they will be busy!


In non Aussie rock news: