Tag Archives: Hawthorn Hawks

When The Game Takes Over Our Drunken Idiot Coverage! (2009 AFL Grand Final Preview)

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drunkfev

We will now briefly focus on a football game before returning you to your regularly scheduled programming…which, apparently, is this guy!

Relax, people! Once Saturday’s game is over, we can go back to the main reason we all follow the game…what stupid Brendan Fevola up to now and what EVERYBODY ELSE thinks about it! Or maybe you’ve had enough of Fev and would prefer to talk about trades – where Shaun Burgoyne thinks he is going or where Brock McLean says he is going.

Perhaps you are stunned that Marty Clarke is choosing to go home or that Matthew Lloyd is choosing to stay home. But for now, the 2009 AFL Grand Final needs to take centre stage so you’ll just have to make do with that…

Not a bad consolation though…the two best teams in the comp are virtually at full strength (sorry Max fans!) and primed to present us with a fitting finale to the footy season. It’s going to be entertaining day and a great spectacle but, please, remember to behave appropriately. You don’t want to end up like Stupid Fevola (that is, a big blokey legend!), do you?

ST KILDA SAINTS

SaintsPlane

The secret to St Kilda’s success? Not catching swine flu from the filthy, germ-infested masses!

The dominant team of 2009 but not a clear favourite… a lack of respect or is this just history talking?

The Team
B:
Jason Blake, Zac Dawson, Steven Baker
HB: Brendon Goddard, Sam Fisher, Sam Gilbert
C: Farren Ray, Lenny Hayes, Nick Dal Santo
HF: Andrew McQualter, Justin Koschitzke, Clint Jones
F: Stephen Milne, Nick Riewoldt, Jason Gram
Foll: Steven King, Leigh Montagna, Adam Schneider
I/C: Luke Ball, Raphael Clarke, Sean Dempster, Michael Gardiner
Emg: David Armitage, Jarryn Geary, James Gwilt

In: Dempster
Out: Robert Eddy

GEELONG CATS

AblettPolice

The secret to Geelong’s success? Police arresting anybody that goes within one metre of Gary Ablett!

The Team
B:
Darren Milburn, Matthew Scarlett, Corey Enright
HB: Tom Harley, Harry Taylor, Andrew Mackie
C: Joel Corey, Cameron Ling, James Kelly
HF: Jimmy Bartel, Cameron Mooney, Steve Johnson
F: Travis Varcoe, Tom Hawkins, Paul Chapman
Foll: Mark Blake, Joel Selwood, Gary Ablett
I/C: Brad Ottens, Shannon Byrnes, Max Rooke, David Wojcinski
Emg: Shane Mumford, Simon Hogan, Mathew Stokes

No change

So…who wins this bloody thing? St Kilda made the one team change but it will not result in a fairytale send-off for stalwart Max Hudghton. Geelong are unchanged but have sterner opposition compared to last week. Hard to predict a winner with any great confidence; hence the call of a draw’ being quite popular.

For me, the deciding factor is simple…and probably a touch immature, but oh well. I just don’t want to see Stephen Milne win a grand final. The thought of that little twerp receiving a premiership medallion and whooping it up would ruin my entire year.

MilneSucks

For the love of God, do not let this twerp win a premiership!

If St Kilda did win and for whatever reason; concussion,  injury, diarrhoea; Milne was not involved at the end, I could live with that. If they could vote him off the podium and replace him with Robert Harvey, even better. But please Geelong..do not let this twerp win!!!

CATS by 22

Round Twenty Two – Well, Wasn’t That Fun!

FinalsSchedule

The League announced the finals schedule during an ad break on Channel Seven’s Dancing With The Stars

WatsonDancer

…and it looks like Tim Watson grabbed one of the latin dancers from the show to help him!

And just like that, the AFL home-and-away season is done and dusted. It only seems like yesterday that Richmond was being destroyed by Carlton in the season opener, doesn’t it? Actually, no it doesn’t! Season 2009 has been so eventful and action packed that it has felt like this long-standing, never-ending provider of highlights, lowlights and bizarre occurrences. Hard to believe that it is now over…

But never fear, we have a finals campaign that will undoubtedly provide even more of the wonderful, the weird and the wackiness that we’ve come to expect from footy these days. And if round twenty two is anything to go by, this year’s finals series is going to be plenty wacky! It started with (yet) another deplorable showing from Richmond against a West Coast team that the Herald Sun flat-out accused of tanking in order to qualify for a priority draft pick yet ended up winning eight games and would have finished above Hawthorn had they snuck a ninth win! What chance they receive a well-deserved apology from the hacks? Hmmm, not great…

The round then finished with the Western Bulldogs winning by just enough points to leapfrog Collingwood into third spot on the ladder; meaning that they now face the (seemingly) more vulnerable Geelong and the Pies are relegated to fourth and a date with the (almost) all-conquering Saints. But it was the events on the Saturday afternoon of the final round that will be remembered for a very long time to come…

LloydSewell

Clearly Matthew Lloyd didn’t read any of those articles about the bump being dead last week. He should probably avoid reading the papers this week as well!

The playoff for eighth spot always promised to be memorable for one reason or another. And if you thought Essendon and Hawthorn hated each other before Saturday’s game…how about now! Bombers captain Matthew Lloyd’s attempt to exert some influence on the second half ended up with Brad Sewell ironed out on the ground, sparking a wild response from the Hawks that continued on after the match. This included coach Alastair Clarkson going off his nut as he left the ground and hardnut Campbell Brown talking all sorts of smack from the rooms.

CaMMMpbellBrown

Pot-Kettle? Takes one to know one? Stones-Glass Houses? Own backyard? Call it what you like, they all seem to work in this case!

Essendon took charge in the second half to qualify for September, something Matthew Knights feels they deserve but it’s a view not shared by their opposition. For the Hawks, who lost control of their composure and the match following The Incident, it was a frustrating end to an equally frustrating season that saw them behind the eight-ball all year as they tried to defend their fine win in 2008. They will be back in 2010, and regardless of whether Mr Lloyd is still available, that first Hawks-Bombers match will be…emotional!

KennettBananas

Embarrassing yourself by going bezerk at the umpires while your wife/girlfriend/significant-other looks away and laughs at you! Don’t worry Jeff, it’s happened to all of us!!!

Essendon’s win left us with the potential of a blockbuster elimination final at the ‘G against Carlton. All the Blues needed to do was claim fifth place on Saturday evening…but no! Now both teams head interstate this weekend and will probably head home with their season over, free to drink as much alcohol as they can manage on the flight back! The Blues might feel they will be better off for banning three players for a spot of tardiness but what they really need is a mature response this week in an elimination final is Brisbane. Yep, a team with Brendan Fevola needs to show maturity…gulp!

MickyOver

Cheer up, Micky O! What’s that? It’s your last game? Oh. In that case, cry away!

The final round of the season also gave us the opportunity to bid farewell to those who are giving the game away. This resulted in some emotional matches; particularly in Sydney for some premiership heroes, at Melbourne for some club stalwarts, and at Richmond…where most of them should probably give it away! Then again, maybe next year the Tigers can start to bounce back and gain respectability in the footy world again. There is always next year…

The Games:

RelievedRawlings

Jade Rawlings contemplates all those weeks of his life that he can never have back!

Good luck Dimma…you’re gunna need it! West Coast embarrass Richmond in the final game of the season to reinforce the massive task Damien Hardwick has in front of him. The cull has started already but there could be plenty more on the way out if Richmond are to become relevant again any time soon!

HardwickMessage

Hardwick’s first move at Richmond? Installing a very large door…preferably extra wide!

OttensBack

Brad Ottens is back for Geelong! That makes things interesting…

Geelong eased into another finals campaign in a dawdle against Fremantle at Kardinia Park, the most notable event was Brad Ottens not crumpling in a heap in his comeback from a long-tern knee injury. The Dockers can now prepare for 2010 where they will aim to improve their performances on the road and figure out whether it is worth holding onto Paul Hasleby.

And congratulations to Geelong’s Gazy Ablett on winning the Brownlow Medal! That’s what the Herald Sun online reckons…hang on a sec! Who is Gazy? Bit of a mix-up between the formal Gary and the nickname Gazza I suppose. But if you are going to spell a player’s name wrong, it probably shouldn’t be arguably the best player in the game…and one that actually works for your organisation!

GazyAblett

Let’s hope they get Gary’s name right on the medal…if he wins it, of course!

MichaelHurley

As an Essendon supporter, can I just say – I love Michael Hurley!

First Buddy, then Bailey (poor kid!) and finally Brad Sewell…but the worst B-word for Hawthorn on Saturday was Bombers!  They all conspired against the Hawks as they went from premiers to outsiders in the space of eleven months. Essendon now have a finals campaign to prepare for and feel that they are not cannon fodder for the Crows. Mmm, not so sure about that…

Oh yeah…the game got a bit fiery too!

CyrilRioli

As a football fan, can I just say – I love Cyril Rioli!

BurtonMOTY

This guy is over thirty and coming off a knee reco? That’s un-freakin-believable!!!

Carlton’s timing has been off all week. It started with three players missing a recovery session and being dropped from Saturday’s match and ended with the team missing a great opportunity to play their first final in ages in front of their home crowd. Adelaide crushed the Blues and looked scary good in the process…no wonder Neil Craig and co. are thinking big things!

ClarkScreamer

This would be mark of the year most seasons. But thanks to the Birdman, it wasn’t even the best grab we saw that day!

Space was the final frontier in Star Trek but Michael Voss is probably not into all that sci-fi bulldust! For him, Sydney was the final frontier…which his team has now conquered! The Lions crashed the Swans farewell party and set up a big gathering of their own at the Gabba next weekend against Carlton. Retiring Swan Michael O’Loughlin thinks that his club will never bottom out…they can’t afford to!

HappyChoco

Is it just me or is Mark Williams a little bit too excited that these two veterans are calling it quits?

Port Adelaide are no St Kilda but the Kangaroos managed a second tight upset win in succession…though it is hard to classify any win over Port as an upset these days. In front of very few fans, the Power tried to lift for their retiring stars but still couldn’t stop the determined Roos in the final minutes. They can feel dudded by a late fifty-metre penalty awarded against them if that makes them feel better…but the call was right so it’s a waste of time!

RiewoldtOK

The St Kilda doctor stood next to Nick Riewoldt all day just in case he got hurt. Thumbs up…he’s OK!

All St Kilda wanted to do was run around on the MCG and not get hurt. Mission accomplished…we think. Melbourne wanted to celebrate their retiring champs…just not with a win. They didn’t and they now have access to the best two kids in the country. Forget Robbo, Wheatley and Whelan…the players should have chaired off Tom Scully after the match!

DoggiesThird

They had the game in the bag but Jonno’s late goal gave the Doggies third spot!

It was a footy statistician’s wet dream! Two good teams fighting for ladder position and it went down to the final minute…it was the Western Bulldogs who claimed the prize and head into September choc full of confidence. Will slipping to fourth on the back of this effort cost Collingwood dearly? Mick Malthouse hopes the loss will be a wake-up call for his side. Personally, I hope they don’t get the wake-up call until it’s too late – Betts-Garlett-Cloke style!

Round Twenty One – A Few Loose Ends

PolakReturns

Didn’t think we’d see this again…welcome back, Graham Polak!

A slow, painful journey came to an end on the weekend when Richmond’s Graham Polak made his return to football after his shocking tram accident last year. It was great to see him play again and was one of the true highlights of round 21 in the AFL. And while he can laugh about it now, there is one thing that he still must deal with…that he plays for Richmond. Now that is no laughing matter!

While Polak’s return to footy is now complete, there are still a few loose ends in the finals race that need to be tidied up following last weekend’s action. The top four teams are sorted at least..but the finishing order won’t be determined until third plays fourth this Sunday afternoon. Amazingly, neither the dominant Saints or Cats are premiership favourites right now – that honour belongs to (gulp!) Collingwood. Lucky Mick Malthouse doesn’t listen to hype…meaning he must have ignored everything Eddie McGuire has ever said during the past decade!

Chuck in two games that will determine who will host an elimination final, including two teams playing off for the right to host, and a massive weekend of footy looms. After that, an equally massive week of end-of-season piss ups kick off…at least we won’t be treated to Fev and his dildo. Not yet anyway…

BenBuddy

Lance Franklin and Ben Cousins clash at full pelt…and the ladies of Australia hold their collective breath!

Hawk fans will be holding their collective breath as well now that, much to the surprise of Hawthorn, spearhead Lance Franklin has been suspended by the match review panel after his bump on Ben Cousins during their big win on Saturday night. That result, combined with Essendon’s capitulation against the Dockers on Sunday night, sees the Bombers and Hawks play off for eighth spot on Saturday afternoon…and unless they can launch a successful appeal, Hawthorn’s glamour forward won’t be out there. Great news for my Bombers…shit news for my Dream Team!!!

SleepyBen

Breathe easy ladies…Ben is ok and he still looks hot!

The Games:

BulldogConference

“Great win boys – we’re in the four with a big shot at a flag! Now we’re all in this together so just stay focused on the team and forget about the individual stuff! Can you all do that?”

AkerAgain

Well, the answer to that question appears to be…a big fat NO!

Mark Thompson may not have seen this coming but plenty of mug punters sure did!  The Western Bulldogs knock off Geelong to secure their spot in the top four and enhance their premiership credentials. But did this performance stop the hacks asking inane questions about picking up a washed-up forward next season? Of course it didn’t! But more comments from Mr Inane Comment himself will only keep those questions, and many others, coming. Just what you need heading into a finals campaign…

RattenRevup

Come on you blokes, what are you doing? If you were fair dinkum today, we’d be ahead by 300 points already!!!

The finals-bound Blues were hoping for a decent hitout, the Demons needed to keep hold of their priority draft pick, the almost-homeless Russell Robertson wanted to show his wares and Brendan Fevola needed a few goals to wrap up the Coleman Medal…everybody got what they wanted! Well, except for Richard Hadley

AdelaideWave

Twenty-three years after coming into vogue at the World Cup in Mexico, South Australia discovers the Mexican Wave! Can’t wait for the next new fad to hit town…the Rubik’s Cube!

Is this serious? “ADELAIDE coach Neil Craig says West Coast is still as big a threat to his side as ever before.” Um, excuse me? The only threat in this match was Adelaide breaking all manner of records during an easy win! As expected, the dreaded West Coast Eagles hoodoo has been broken and now the Crows can look forward to some real pressure matches!

BuddyTeeth

Oh no, not again! At least Buddy has all his teeth intact this time…

Hawthorn may not feel worthy of playing finals but they might not have a choice in the end! They stay alive for another week with a regulation win over Richmond. We should learn soon which poor bugger becomes the next Tigers coach…and won’t they be thrilled to learn that they have a shitload of money tied into players they probably don’t want and can’t get rid of! Enjoy that…

WilliamsUnimpressed

No finals for Port, no pearls of coaching wisdom from Mark Williams. It just won’t be the same.

When you are playing for a finals spot and you lead by 47 points in the first quarter, how the heck do you screw it up? Brisbane complete the massive comeback and while the result displayed Brisbane’s strength of character, what does it tell us about Port Adelaide…apart from being a bunch of whackjobs? According to the coach, all they need are some new players who are not mentally fragile and are not called Peter Burgoyne!

PetrieWinner

Drew Petrie hasn’t chalked up as many wins as Nick Riewoldt this year but he sure can kick straight when it matters

Petrie and the Kangaroos shock St Kilda as his clutch late goal gives them a rare win…and a second loss of the season for the high flying Saints. No panic stations though – not for a club with a long history of failures, no no no!  As an Essendon man, I have always found James Hird to be an inspirational figure…and, it seems, so do the Roos!

PiesMcLaren

Dale Thomas and Nick Maxwell try to talk some sense into umpire Scott McLaren. Forget it guys…many have tried and all have failed. It’s Mission Impossible!

Collingwood keep rolling on with an easy afternoon’s work against an embarrassed Sydney outfit. Paul Roos might be pissed off about the overly officious interchange rules that saw his team punished during the game…but it’s his team’s bloody fault that we have it in the first place!

FreoHuddle

The Dockers flip a coin in the pre-game huddle to decide whether they give a shit this week. Must have come up heads!

Fremantle…shit one day, not-so-shit the next! The Dockers go some way towards making up for that craptacular performance against the Demons by spanking the (possibly) finals-bound Essendon at Subiaco. Aaron Sandilands pretty much did as he pleased in the ruck against Essendon’s fourth and fifth best ruckmen…though if the big fella could truly do as he pleased in life and football, he sure wouldn’t be doing it at Freo!

Round Fourteen – Saints Defeat Cats, Now Face Connor MacLeod!

ConnorMacleod

Only decapitation from the blade of the Highlander stands between St Kilda and immortality! Or they might lose to the Doggies…

There can be only one…undefeated team left!

GardinerMark

And that team is…St Kilda! The Saints survived in an epic contest at Whatshishead Stadium. Thirteen wins each, two months of anticipation and no shortage of hype but the game delivered everything we all expected…perhaps more! An amazing start, great fightback from the Cats and a grandstand finish. How crazy will the build-up be to this year’s grand final if both these teams make it…please let it happen!!!

There can be only one…reigning premier – but not for long!

MitchellShattered`

The Hawks are stuffed.

There can be only one…Tom Cruise!

CruiseFooty

And he was at the footy on Friday night to take in some of the action between the Pies and Bombers. Katie Holmes was there too…she spent the night trying to find a back exit or open window from which she could escape! Run Katie – run for your life!!!

There can be only one…Jim Stynes!

StynesJumper

The former Demons star and club president faces a tough battle having been diagnosed with cancer. His team put in a performance on the weekend that befitted the emotional week for all involved at Melbourne…unfortunately, this type of performance is a rarity for the Dees.

There can be only one…Kevin Sheedy!

SuperSheedy

The highly predictable campaign to make Sheeds the next coach of Richmond was officially launched last week after the crushing loss to St Kilda. Of course, all his supporters appear to be aged 50 or above…and his campaign manager is a guy who was so out of touch with the coaching caper twenty years ago, he got the flick from Tigerland and refused to go near the place until recently. As great a coach as Sheedy is and/or was, do any of these old dudes realise it is almost the year 2010 now?

There can be only one…most glamorous WAG?

WAGSurvey

According to the Herald Sun’s annual footy survey, these are the types of questions us footy fans really want to know the answers to. Now I know that this particular media outlet is designed to entertain us rather than inform us so there is no point taking it seriously. But honestly…shit like this is just a waste of f@&$#ng time, isn’t it?

There can be only one…Channel Seven!

Plugger91

A flashback to a classic Geelong-St Kilda match…the perfect lead-in to yesterday’s blockbuster. But what did CH7 show before this?

RevengeNerds

Yep, nothing helps builds the anticipation for a massive game of footy like…Revenge Of The Nerds 4!!!

There can be only one…Terry Wallace!

WallaceMedia

How the hell does Terry Wallace get flooded with offers from all forms of media after his disastrous tenure at the Tigers? And is there anybody less qualified to comment on what Richmond should be doing right now than the guy who just actually effed it up over five years?

The Games:

FraserGoal

Magpie fans celebrate as ruckman Josh Fraser plays well and doesn’t even dog it once! Suck on that, Grant Thomas…

Well, Anzac Day seems like a lifetime away now, doesn’t it!  And nice to see our beloved media hacks working Tom Cruise references into their work as best they could! That’s right – Collingwood Cruised to victory against Essendon to open round 14 action, leaving Matthew Knights to pick up the pieces and keep Essendon in the finals hunt. At least Mark McVeigh will be fresh for the next match…unless Dean Solomon is back in town this week!

PregameDees

Alright, which of you blokes have stolen the footys? We only have two and can’t afford to buy any more. Just give ’em back, will ya’s?

Yes – Melbourne finally had a win! Yes – they did it for Jim Stynes! And yes – they showed the passion and commitment to make their supporters proud on such an emotional day! But, come on – they were playing an equally crap team who have barely won outside of Perth since Chris Judd left town. If they couldn’t win this match, then there was no hope for this club whatsoever…

BrennanCarr

It will cost him a few weeks but for what he did to Josh Carr, on behalf of the AFL world, I say…thank you Jared Brennan!

Gee, the Power must really love Mark Williams! In the first game since they learnt that Choco would be given the opportunity to coach on at Port Adelaide, his team blitzed high-flying Brisbane in the final quarter and dragged themselves back into finals calculations. So how did they do it? They prepared…now that’s a handy tip!

ThumbsUpRocket

Wow, a rare smile and a big thumbs up from Doggies coach Rocket Eade! But who is he copying…Barry Hall or Arthur Fonzarelli?

Bulldogs – awesome! Hawthorn – shit! Probably no need to elaborate much more on this one…

FoleyBoot

Surely you don’t need to employ Kevin Sheedy as your coach to teach players where your footy boots are meant to go. Um, Nathan Foley…try your feet!

Up at Carrara Stadium, Adelaide scored a relatively comfy win over Richmond. Local boy Kurt Tippett showed a liking to playing footy in Queensland with five  goals for the winners. Wonder if he has heard about this new team that will be starting up on the Gold Coast soon?

MickeyO

Micky O’Loughlin whoops it up after kicking the sealer. He only has a couple of months left so let him lap it up while he can!

Whether this was Sydney’s first taste of life without Barry Hall has yet to be determined. If so, it appears that it will be a struggle. But the Swannies did win a close one against North Melbourne that keeps them within reach of the finals. But let’s face it…without the prospect of witnessing a Bazza brainsnap, who really wants to see Sydney feature in September action anyway?

StevieJOut

Steve Johnson out? Guess it is too late to change my tip…

What a freakin’ game!!! What a freakin’ game!!! What a freakin’ game!!!

CarltonYellows

The famous old dark…yellows? No, seriously…THAT is the Carlton team. They actually played in that!

Fremantle and Carlton played last night? Really? With all the excitement of the St Kilda-Geelong game, I totally forgot! Apparently, the yellow team won

Round Six – When The VFL Came Back To Life

cousinsice

Yes – these are the legs of Ben Cousins. Yes – they are covered in ice. No – he is not injured. No – we will not make any obvious Ben Cousins/ice jokes today. Sorry ’bout that…

With two derby games, the reigning premiers taking on the rising stars and two undefeated teams cutting a swathe through the competition, round six should have been all about the AFL. But when you have a Ben Cousins sighting near a footy field (or anywhere for that matter), that seems to take precedence somehow…

As it did on Saturday afternoon when Benny donned the red and blue of Coburg in the VFL to test his dodgy hamstring as he works his way back to fitness and a place in the Richmond midfield. He showed up, he ran around, touched the ball a few times and finished the afternoon on the bench with his lower half covered in ice.

vflbrawl

Players from both teams fight with the gathered media in an attempt to sell their ‘Day With Ben Cousins’ story to the highest bidder.

Oh yeah, and there was a massive brawl! It was more like a massive pushy, shovey melee than an actual brawl but hey  – Ben Cousins was there, so let’s describe it as a brawl because it sounds more violent and bar-roomish (is that a word? It is now!). Not entirely accurate but very dramatic…

These stories were almost the lead items in Melbourne news last Saturday night. No kidding! A rare win for the VFL over the AFL…though if the powers-that-be continue to be unnecessarily full-on and pedantic, the VFL could be the only league us cyber-types will be allowed to talk about!

The Games:

bucksandmick

Two of the most talked about figures in footy go one-on-one in a scintillating TV interview…where they cover not one of the topics that any of us are interested in. YAWN…

Collingwood didn’t let the Anzacs down this week after easing past the Argentinian national team on Friday night. The Kangas continue to be hit by injury while Mick Malthouse, as usual, still managed to find something to whine about in victory. This time it was his call for substitute players after an early injury to Paul Medhurst…I’m sure Mick was equally concerned when David Hille wrecked his knee in the second minute last week.

shatteredfev

Last year it was 99 goals, now he’s blown it by hitting the post! Maybe Fev is destined to be a ‘so close yet so far’ kinda guy…

It should be all about Jarryd Roughead, who kicked eight in a winning side, but the Carlton-Hawthorn game will be all about Brendon Fevola! On the day Carlton’s premiership credentials were questioned due to their reliance on the Fev, he went from legend to loser when his shot at a ninth (and match winning) goals hit the post. The Hawks might consider themselves lucky to get the win but they should be extremely fortunate that they don’t rely on Fev to win them games every week!

haselbyemotional

An emotional Paul Hasleby praying that this win by Fremantle will convince Matthew Pavlich to never piss off back to Adelaide!

Western Australian footy fans love the western derby and they got another good one, this time it was Fremantle who came away with the win. They needed a second half fightback to do it too…though some wayward kicking by the Eagles certainly left the door open. Matthew Pavlich clocked up his 200th game in style…so maybe he will want to hang around after all!

gabbaflood

Brisbane takes flooding to a whole new level at the Gabba on Saturday night.

Brisbane may have been shite last week but the Gabba is far from Kardinia Park…and Essendon are far from Geelong! The young Lions, with the help of Browny, cruised to victory and helped spoil the party for 300-gamer Dustin Fletcher. At least Fletch received a nice momento to take home from the evening…a nice little leg fracture and several weeks on the sideline!

fletcherchaired

How many Bombers does it take to carry an old bloke with a fractured leg back to the sheds?

chadboots

Is there any explanation why Chad Cornes would wear two different coloured boots that wouldn’t make him sound like a knob? Doubt it…

Yee-haw…it’s another Hoedown win for Port Adelaide! The Crows fail to fire in the biggest game for the state of  South Australia in what the coach described as their worst loss of the season…though they still have four months left to top that effort! Port look like they are headed back the finals this season on this form but would Mark Williams hang around to coach next year for less money? Hmmm…

mattnertackle

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick…but Jack is not quicker than Marty Mattner!

The Sydney Swans secure a hard fought win thanks to Mattner’s great tackle and their new foreign recruit Mike Pyke…a ruckman from Canada, eh? Richmond were gallant in defeat but have still only won once this season – so, naturally, Terry Wallace is talking finals footy at Punt Road. Gee, we are really going to miss Terry when he is gone, aren’t we!

ablettgroin

Gary Ablett? Injury scare? Then why is this guy not wrapped head to toe in ice like Benny Cousins was? Don’t Geelong care?

Geelong win over Melbourne…check! New record for possessions by the Cats…check! Keeping Gary Ablett fresh and injury free…maybe not! Brownlow punters might be shitting themselves right now but lil’ Ablett has been so good that he can afford to miss a week or two and take out the medal anyway. And good on Jimmy Stynes giving it to the likes of Jeff Kennett and Sam Newman about their stance on umpiring…though the Dees have more chance of making the finals than those blokes have of actually listening to anybody!

Great match-up, shitty timeslot! The Saints-Doggies game kinda got lost a little without the prime-time, free-to-air spotlight it deserved. The Dogs should be grateful! St Kilda remain unbeaten after a solid win and while they are not talking flags just yet, at least the hype appears to have plenty of substance this year…provided they kick straight!

Round Five – Lest We Forget…How To Play Footy!

zaharakis

One name that Bomber fans will never forget…David Zaharakis!

On this weekend of Anzac Day (Lest We Forget), a few teams seemed to totally forget what to do on the footy field. Port Adelaide…eeew! North Melbourne…sheesh! Brisbane…ouch! And Collingwood (for the final four minutes)…yikes! Or does that take credit away from the impressive performances of St Kilda, Geelong, Richmond? Yeah, I said Richmond! And that finish to the Anzac Day match between Essendon and Collingwood…holy smokes! I’m still squealing in delight…

Possibly the biggest thing to take from this weekend, something never to forget, is that you shouldn’t give up on your team if there is any flicker of hope. I did it once with Essendon back in 2001…only to be left standing all alone at the tram stop outside of Colonial Stadium (now Whatshishead Stadium) and listening to the radio as Steven Alessio kicked the winning goal with five seconds left to beat the Sydney Swans.

The Games:

powergroup

After an emergency half-time meeting, Port’s leadership group decide against giving up and elect to take the field for the second half. Poor choice…

Unless you are a mad St Kilda fan, it was a pretty ugly Friday night of footy. Well, Port Adelaide are not the prettiest bunch of people to start with…plus their financial situation is looking quite unhealthy too. But the way in which they were dismantled the Saints must leave them having to re-evaluate just how good they are. And it won’t help Mark Williams get a job at Collingwood any time soon…

malthousepostanzac

If Mick is really worried about ‘letting down the Anzacs‘, his club should forget high-altitude preseason training in Arizona and sign the players up for a dose of National Service instead!

Essendon…I can’t even describe how they did it; they just did it!  After losing their only established ruckman for the season in the first minute, the prodigious Paddy Ryder and his young cohorts fought valiantly but the Bombers looked done down three kicks with five minutes left. The Pies then went from dogged to disgusting in the final four minutes and set the scene for David Zaharakis and his ball-tearing matchwinner! And here it is…

garymoss

Great game by Hawthorn‘s goal-kicking machine – it’s Buddy! No, it’s Roughie! No, it’s…Gary Moss?

That’s right folks. Gary Moss kicks four goals as the Hawks overcome the West Coast Eagles in a tough match down in Tassie. John Worsfold might well lament the one that got away but is more concerned about the one that cannot get away…that is, Daniel Kerr cannot get away from some rough treatment by his opponents. Poor Kerr…

tigerssong

Tiger players go absolutely crazy as Mark Coughlan is announced to replace Terry Wallace as the next coach of Richmond leads the team in the victory song!

Hang on – Richmond are meant to be shit, aren’t they? But I swore that I read somewhere that they won? Yep, it says it here too. And that guy on death row is praising their commitment and everything so it must be true! What a shocker for the Roos…and having the captain’s elbow bent all manner of sideways can’t be good either!

Hang on – Fremantle are meant to be shit, aren’t they? But I swore that I read somewhere that they won? Fremantle, not wanting to be left winless longer than Richmond,  took care of the Sydney Swans at home. Maybe that was the challenge Mark Harvey issued the players this week…don’t be as shit as Richmond please!

ablettgoal

Yes, he kicked it from that angle…just another routine piece of genius from Gary Ablett!

Geelong annihilate Brisbane to the tune of 93 points at Skilled Stadium with Gary Ablett continuing to punish me for not picking him in any of my fantasy teams! Coach Vossy hopes that his Lions learn plenty from the spanking but it seems that the Cats might have learnt a few things about their team as well. Come on – what’s with all this learning stuff? It’s just footy…if I wanted to learn anything, I would have paid attention in school!

eadepissedoff

If you saw Brian Lake’s stupid handball in the third quarter then you know why Rodney Eade is looking so pissed off!

While the coach of the Western Bulldogs can look at errors and poor decisions costing them any chance, they would have needed to be near flawless to have gotten over the top of Carlton. The Blues do it for Dick as they leap up into third spot on the ladder and Fevola, who kicked his 500th goal,  might be back in town as well…though there are a few people from out of town that are keen on him too!

A late Sunday match on a cold and shitty afternoon in Melbourne involving the Demons and Adelaide. Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, does it? Well, you’re right…it wasn’t! ‘Scrappy’ is not strong enough a word to describe it‘ugly’ – that’s more like it! The Crows kept Melbourne goalless for two and a half quarters and held off the fast-finishing Dees for another win at the MCG. And by fast-finishing, we mean three goals in final term. Yep, it was that type of game.

Round Four – Should Have Known Better…

Should have known better than…

lionspew

Don’t worry Michael Rischitelli…I had the same reaction as you did when I saw the final score last Friday night!!!

  • To dismiss Port Adelaide’s chances of upsetting Hawthorn purely on the strength of their poxy away jumpers! Honestly, they are shit, aren’t they? And now that they have beaten the reigning champs by five goals in those ugly things, that will just encourage them to wear it more and more. I think I’m going to have another Michael Rischitelli moment…

tredreapillow

Those stupid away jumpers might have been designed with pillows in mind but the Power were far from soft against the Hawks!

  • To tell my Carlton supporting friends that the Blues would bounce back after my Bombers knocked them off last week. Fortunately, I didn’t believe it myself when it came to tipping as the Swans squeaked out a win at the SCG. Once again, the Blues were wayward with the ball while poor old Fev missed shots at goal and could barely stay on the field! Well, we all know how wayward he can get…

fevfence

Brendan Fevola – just a lovable larrikin who is always pushing the boundaries…or tumbling over them!

  • To think the Adelaide Crows would complete a remarkable comeback to beat Geelong. The Cats looked like they were going to cut up the Crows ‘St Kilda-Freo’ style but Adelaide fought back hard in the second and third quarters. However, all their hard work was quickly blown away in the final term as lil’ Gazza did as he pleased on the way to a big win…holy crap, that guy is good!!!

ablettchair

Gary Ablett should not just be chaired around by teammates after footy games. It should happen all the time – to training, to the shops…he deserves it!

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Forget the on-field clangers…the Bombers couldn’t even exit the arena correctly against the Kangaroos.

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Terry Wallace makes a quick call to Centrelink, only to hear that they are open from 8:30am to 5pm weekdays and to call back during business hours.