Tag Archives: Interchange Rule

Round Twenty One – A Few Loose Ends

PolakReturns

Didn’t think we’d see this again…welcome back, Graham Polak!

A slow, painful journey came to an end on the weekend when Richmond’s Graham Polak made his return to football after his shocking tram accident last year. It was great to see him play again and was one of the true highlights of round 21 in the AFL. And while he can laugh about it now, there is one thing that he still must deal with…that he plays for Richmond. Now that is no laughing matter!

While Polak’s return to footy is now complete, there are still a few loose ends in the finals race that need to be tidied up following last weekend’s action. The top four teams are sorted at least..but the finishing order won’t be determined until third plays fourth this Sunday afternoon. Amazingly, neither the dominant Saints or Cats are premiership favourites right now – that honour belongs to (gulp!) Collingwood. Lucky Mick Malthouse doesn’t listen to hype…meaning he must have ignored everything Eddie McGuire has ever said during the past decade!

Chuck in two games that will determine who will host an elimination final, including two teams playing off for the right to host, and a massive weekend of footy looms. After that, an equally massive week of end-of-season piss ups kick off…at least we won’t be treated to Fev and his dildo. Not yet anyway…

BenBuddy

Lance Franklin and Ben Cousins clash at full pelt…and the ladies of Australia hold their collective breath!

Hawk fans will be holding their collective breath as well now that, much to the surprise of Hawthorn, spearhead Lance Franklin has been suspended by the match review panel after his bump on Ben Cousins during their big win on Saturday night. That result, combined with Essendon’s capitulation against the Dockers on Sunday night, sees the Bombers and Hawks play off for eighth spot on Saturday afternoon…and unless they can launch a successful appeal, Hawthorn’s glamour forward won’t be out there. Great news for my Bombers…shit news for my Dream Team!!!

SleepyBen

Breathe easy ladies…Ben is ok and he still looks hot!

The Games:

BulldogConference

“Great win boys – we’re in the four with a big shot at a flag! Now we’re all in this together so just stay focused on the team and forget about the individual stuff! Can you all do that?”

AkerAgain

Well, the answer to that question appears to be…a big fat NO!

Mark Thompson may not have seen this coming but plenty of mug punters sure did!  The Western Bulldogs knock off Geelong to secure their spot in the top four and enhance their premiership credentials. But did this performance stop the hacks asking inane questions about picking up a washed-up forward next season? Of course it didn’t! But more comments from Mr Inane Comment himself will only keep those questions, and many others, coming. Just what you need heading into a finals campaign…

RattenRevup

Come on you blokes, what are you doing? If you were fair dinkum today, we’d be ahead by 300 points already!!!

The finals-bound Blues were hoping for a decent hitout, the Demons needed to keep hold of their priority draft pick, the almost-homeless Russell Robertson wanted to show his wares and Brendan Fevola needed a few goals to wrap up the Coleman Medal…everybody got what they wanted! Well, except for Richard Hadley

AdelaideWave

Twenty-three years after coming into vogue at the World Cup in Mexico, South Australia discovers the Mexican Wave! Can’t wait for the next new fad to hit town…the Rubik’s Cube!

Is this serious? “ADELAIDE coach Neil Craig says West Coast is still as big a threat to his side as ever before.” Um, excuse me? The only threat in this match was Adelaide breaking all manner of records during an easy win! As expected, the dreaded West Coast Eagles hoodoo has been broken and now the Crows can look forward to some real pressure matches!

BuddyTeeth

Oh no, not again! At least Buddy has all his teeth intact this time…

Hawthorn may not feel worthy of playing finals but they might not have a choice in the end! They stay alive for another week with a regulation win over Richmond. We should learn soon which poor bugger becomes the next Tigers coach…and won’t they be thrilled to learn that they have a shitload of money tied into players they probably don’t want and can’t get rid of! Enjoy that…

WilliamsUnimpressed

No finals for Port, no pearls of coaching wisdom from Mark Williams. It just won’t be the same.

When you are playing for a finals spot and you lead by 47 points in the first quarter, how the heck do you screw it up? Brisbane complete the massive comeback and while the result displayed Brisbane’s strength of character, what does it tell us about Port Adelaide…apart from being a bunch of whackjobs? According to the coach, all they need are some new players who are not mentally fragile and are not called Peter Burgoyne!

PetrieWinner

Drew Petrie hasn’t chalked up as many wins as Nick Riewoldt this year but he sure can kick straight when it matters

Petrie and the Kangaroos shock St Kilda as his clutch late goal gives them a rare win…and a second loss of the season for the high flying Saints. No panic stations though – not for a club with a long history of failures, no no no!  As an Essendon man, I have always found James Hird to be an inspirational figure…and, it seems, so do the Roos!

PiesMcLaren

Dale Thomas and Nick Maxwell try to talk some sense into umpire Scott McLaren. Forget it guys…many have tried and all have failed. It’s Mission Impossible!

Collingwood keep rolling on with an easy afternoon’s work against an embarrassed Sydney outfit. Paul Roos might be pissed off about the overly officious interchange rules that saw his team punished during the game…but it’s his team’s bloody fault that we have it in the first place!

FreoHuddle

The Dockers flip a coin in the pre-game huddle to decide whether they give a shit this week. Must have come up heads!

Fremantle…shit one day, not-so-shit the next! The Dockers go some way towards making up for that craptacular performance against the Demons by spanking the (possibly) finals-bound Essendon at Subiaco. Aaron Sandilands pretty much did as he pleased in the ruck against Essendon’s fourth and fifth best ruckmen…though if the big fella could truly do as he pleased in life and football, he sure wouldn’t be doing it at Freo!

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Round Four – Should Have Known Better…

Should have known better than…

lionspew

Don’t worry Michael Rischitelli…I had the same reaction as you did when I saw the final score last Friday night!!!

  • To dismiss Port Adelaide’s chances of upsetting Hawthorn purely on the strength of their poxy away jumpers! Honestly, they are shit, aren’t they? And now that they have beaten the reigning champs by five goals in those ugly things, that will just encourage them to wear it more and more. I think I’m going to have another Michael Rischitelli moment…

tredreapillow

Those stupid away jumpers might have been designed with pillows in mind but the Power were far from soft against the Hawks!

  • To tell my Carlton supporting friends that the Blues would bounce back after my Bombers knocked them off last week. Fortunately, I didn’t believe it myself when it came to tipping as the Swans squeaked out a win at the SCG. Once again, the Blues were wayward with the ball while poor old Fev missed shots at goal and could barely stay on the field! Well, we all know how wayward he can get…

fevfence

Brendan Fevola – just a lovable larrikin who is always pushing the boundaries…or tumbling over them!

  • To think the Adelaide Crows would complete a remarkable comeback to beat Geelong. The Cats looked like they were going to cut up the Crows ‘St Kilda-Freo’ style but Adelaide fought back hard in the second and third quarters. However, all their hard work was quickly blown away in the final term as lil’ Gazza did as he pleased on the way to a big win…holy crap, that guy is good!!!

ablettchair

Gary Ablett should not just be chaired around by teammates after footy games. It should happen all the time – to training, to the shops…he deserves it!

bomberbench

Forget the on-field clangers…the Bombers couldn’t even exit the arena correctly against the Kangaroos.

terryphone

Terry Wallace makes a quick call to Centrelink, only to hear that they are open from 8:30am to 5pm weekdays and to call back during business hours.

No Major Surprises…Yet! (The Lost Weekend)

Yes, we’re in the prelim! One win away from the Grand Final! Woo hoo!!! All we need to do is beat…Geelong? Oh shit!

We are down to the final four teams battling for premiership glory and, according to both the ladder and the weekend’s results, the best four teams in the competition remain in contention for the flag. Despite our (wishful?) predictions on Friday, the Dogs and Saints made the most of their double chance to qualify for the preliminary finals, both of which will be played at night. While the League has generously resisted the temptation to schedule a night grand final, it seems that the compromise will be that every other important game will now be played in prime time.

It seems everything is hard earned in finals footy…and that includes the normally straight-forward player interchange!

The Western Bulldogs proved that they belong in the final four with a spirited win over Sydney, though they were forced to recover from an interchange blunder from Tim Callan, and will go into Friday night’s prelim against Geelong as clear underdogs. But the players feel they are a good chance at upsetting the football applecart…with Jason Akermanis (who else!) declaring the Cats as being too cocky to win the flag. Yep, that’s right – Aker calling somebody else ‘cocky’! It’s like Barry Hall ordering a team mate to keep his cool or Paris Hilton calling one of her gal-pals a slut!

That young Koschitzke assaults an elderly gentleman in full view of the general public. What on Earth is wrong with the youth of today? Bloody Generation Y…

St. Kilda went a long way to prove that their top four finish was no fluke by disposing of Collingwood in front of a big crowd at the ‘G and now face Hawthorn; who they beat earlier in the season so if there were to be a prelim surprise, it’s more likely to happen in this game than the Cats and Dogs! Skipper Nick Riewoldt, who starred on Saturday night, feels that the Hawks have put together a strong list that could dominate the competition for years. Which is exactly what most people have said about St Kilda for years now…and they have absolutely zip to show for it!

FRIDAY NIGHT

Bye Spida. Now Sydney need to find another beaten up old ruckman to take his spot. Oh look, here’s one!

Second Semi Final – Western Bulldogs 16.10.106 def. Sydney 9.15.69

Season 2008 is no longer worthless for the Western Bulldogs after disposing of Sydney in impressive fashion. After a tight opening half, the Doggies ran over the top of the Swans after the main break and earn the opportunity to be devoured by the Geelong juggernaut next Friday night. But Rodney Eade believes that his side is not quite done yet…but really, he’s just saying that because he has to!

Paul Roos may see plenty of good points about Sydney’s season overall but you can’t lose a final without tough questions being asked about the future of your team! But one of the positives for the Swans is that the football career of Peter ‘Spida’ Everitt has come to an end. Big Spida announced his retirement after the loss…but the way he played during the finals series, it looked liked he had already hung up the boots. Apparently he still had a role in that team…we’d love to know what it was!

SATURDAY NIGHT

Sure, they lost…but at least everybody in that room can now get away from that grumpy old Malthouse fella for a couple of months!

First Semi Final – St Kilda 17.4.106 def. Collingwood 9.18.72

We didn’t think that St Kilda would recover from the Geelong shellackingwrong! The Saints benefitted greatly from some straight shooting in front of goal; with Riewoldt kicking five in a dominant display, Koschitzke shedding off the Chris Guccione tag we gave him on Friday with three goals while Stephen Milne kicked three…but even if he kicked 20 goals, don’t expect any praise from us for that annoying little twerp!

It was a limp exit from a Collingwood side that peaked back in round nine when they flogged Geelong and dined out on that result for most of the year, especially when they dropped winnable games. But reality, and the loss of key players from everything from injuries to dirty lies, finally set in. The grumpy old coach refused to use any of this as an excuse for their performance but perhaps he should before fingers are pointed directly at him…which would be unfair considering his record.

Normality Takes The Weekend Off (The Lost Weekend)

No wonder Austin Wonaeamirri celebrates like a crazy man…check out his dad! And what on earth is Jimmy Stynes doing to him?

What the hell is going on? After Hawthorn’s regulation win on Friday night, you got the feeling that every other game in this first weekend of the split round would be equally uneventful and boring! That the players were just going to go through the motions and play out the match before pissing off to their favourite beach, bar or back paddock for the mid-season break…

The interchange ump got his head on TV this weekend – not once but twice!

Instead, we had one of the most eventful, amazing, bizarre and sad weekends that you could possibly imagine! Gutsy upsets, unusual occurrences, interchange penalties, Daniel Kerr stung by a stingray on a Melbourne beach and, in the ultimate WTF incident, Richmond player Graham Polak placed in an induced coma after being hit by a tram on Saturday night! While there are some positive signs today, it is too early to determine the full extent of his injuries or whether he will be able to return to football. Our thoughts go out to him and his family…here’s hoping he can make a full recovery…

Sunday:

Ahhh, Brad Miller…where have you been?

Saturday:

Look – the Aker handstand is back! Whoop-de-frickin’-doo!

The Roos are spitting chips at letting another game slip…clearly they need more spitting practice!

Round Ten – Welcome To The 21st Century!

With the first pick in the 2028 AFL draft, the Gold Coast Cappers select…Android RX50000!

Space travel, robot dogs, Ipods. Modern technology…how awesome is it! And AFL footy has seen some wonderful innovations designed to make the game bigger and better. There has been no shortage of wonderful advances in modern technology – all in the name of footy progress. Like the incredible bionic knee, hypoxic altitude training and a ‘Mind Room’ that uses biofeedback technology and sports psychology to prepare players to handle high-pressure moments on the field. Clearly, Barry Hall skipped training that day

Now the League has taken one giant step into the brave new world of technology and introduced computer technology to assist with the implementation of the recently updated interchange rules. Last weekend was the first where sanctions were applied to teams that broke the new rules and, sure enough, things turned a little scandalous.

After the inevitable screw-up, thanks to interchange stewards recording player movements on post-it notes, the League acted fast to adopt a computerised system for tracking player interchange. While there is no guarantee that everything will be in place in time, at least the humble post-it note can now be used for its intended purpose…to be stuck all over Adrian Anderson’s work computer by disgruntled co-workers at AFL House!

So let’s make this weekend a tribute to modern technology as we welcome the AFL to the 21st century and promote the development of more innovations that will take the game to greater levels. How about an elixir that cures soft-tissue injuries? Or a tiny microchip you can install in the brain that eradicates skill errors? And what about a piece of technology that can help Melbourne get off the bottom of the ladder?

Hey, if we are really lucky, somebody might invent a contraption that will help drag Sam Newman into the 21st century…but then again, scientists might be geniuses but they are not miracle workers!

TEAM NEWS

TIPS FOR WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY

CROWS by 60: And that is being incredibly generous…unless the Scott Lucas comeback is amazingly successful!

PIES by 29: The game straight after an amazing performance can sometimes be fraught with danger…but surely they could slip up here!

HAWKS by 14: Hawthorn to win the Tassie blockbuster…how long will they stay undefeated?

LIONS by 8: The Roos love a good nail-biter and this one could be close as well…but they might be on the opposite end this week.

CATS by 45: You get the impression that Geelong are going to hit back hard after last week’s shocker…bad news for the Blues!

SWANS by 35: The Tigers will be confident but the Swans in Sydney are a touch better than the Bombers…

SAINTS by 11: St Kilda should rebound here after a disappointing run…but if you thought the local media was being harsh on the Saints recently, imagine what will happen if the Dees get up!

DOCKERS by 1: A real tipsters nightmare with both sides capable of losing from anywhere…will tip Freo with zero confidence and no real idea why!

Tonight’s action:

Modern food technology allows us to design cakes in Adelaide Crows colours…but they still taste delicious!

AAMI Stadium, Adelaide – 7:40pm (local): Adelaide v Essendon (SEVEN)

Ka-Ching!!! (The Lost Weekend)

Will the League fine the Eagles for this? Hey, it’s the AFL…of course they bloody will!

Indigenous Round will now be remembered as the round the new interchange rule went completely mad! Implementing a new system for processing the interchange of players mid season was certain to cause some controversy and, sure enough, it happened. Just not how we thought it would

Saturday night saw the first ever interchange free kick awarded to Adelaide against the West Coast, which resulted in a goal to Crows ruckman Ivan Maric. Problem is…the interchange stewards made a blunder and that free kick should not have been awarded! John Worsfold is understandably pissy about it and wants to know whether he can get that goal back. Well, you never know – the League seem to be a charitable bunch…

But Adrian Anderson can’t be happy…not only did he fail to raise enough money for his end-of-year Pimps and Hoes party but he will have to front the media this week and give one of his boring-ass legalese explanations why all his decisions are awesome. Can’t wait for that…

We want the goal back (clap, clap, clap, clap, clap) We want the goal back…

So before Mr Anderson shits us all to tears with the defence of his interchange rule, here’s a wrap of all the events of AFL End-Of Year Fundraiser Round:

SUNDAY

Can you feel the hate, Jeff?

Thanks for the honourable loss today boys…it’s probably fitting.

The only time you will see Brad Johnson without a smile…

  • Brad Johnson had another fairytale script written for him as he lined up for the match-winning goal after the siren and keep his Doggies unbeaten. But he missed and the Roos prevail. Obviously, Jonno’s script must have been edited by whoever was responsible for writing Monster House…because it all went to shit! But Brent Harvey must have be a fan of Monster House…because he loved it!

SATURDAY

If I am so good then why is my team so crappy???


Please, no need to clap…it was just Essendon…

Fellas, I don’t mean to sound harsh…but you are by far the shittiest team I’ve ever coached!

Round Nine – AFL End-Of-Year Party Fundraiser

This weekend is meant to be all about this…

But instead, it will be all about this!

This is supposed to be Indigenous Round – a weekend dedicated to recognise the contribution of indigenous players to our great game, the highlight being Dreamtime At The ‘G on Saturday night. But wait just a minute…it seems that the League has an even better idea that will benefit all football followers. Ah, no – actually it will just benefit those people at AFL House…

Here’s the story. A few weeks ago, the Sydney Swans had one too many players on the ground at a vital stage of the drawn match against North Melbourne. Well, the League didn’t really know what to do. So they looked busy for a few days and then slapped the Swans with a fine…one half was suspended but Adrian Anderson used the other half to throw a sweet toga party!

But the League couldn’t afford to have this blunder happen again and Mr. Anderson hadn’t tinkered with anything for a while so they put him to work on a new player interchange system. They introduced it last week and it was heavily criticised by the clubs…mostly because they didn’t know what they were doing and it was panic stations on the sidelines.

Don’t Panic! The AFL have introduced new interchange stewards…

Typically, the League thought that was totally awesome! So much so, they are actually going to start punishing clubs for botched interchanges as of tonight. And if the Swans are one of those teams, they will get slugged an extra 25 grand!

This has made Adrian Anderson about as popular as Brendan Nelson in the football world right now but that’s why he has the job…in which case, he was an inspired choice. But the team at AFL House must love him, especially when he is raking in the dough from club fines and holding kick-ass dress-up parties!

So, now this weekend will be known as AFL End-Of-Year Party Fundraiser Round! How much money will he raise this weekend? And, most importantly, what theme will he choose for the dress-up party? Our money is on Pimps and Hoes…

Adrian Anderson has already picked out his costume…

TEAM NEWS

TIPS FOR THE AFL END-OF-YEAR PARTY FUNDRAISER

CATS by 30: Remember the last time these two teams played? Well, this game won’t be like that at all!

BLUES by 19: Well, they are playing Fremantle…

POWER by 4: Mark Williams is about to lose his mind right now so a loss at home could prove fatal…

TIGERS by 49: Richmond are the most improved side yet cannot seem to actually win a game…expect that to change this weekend.

EAGLES by 15: West Coast are pretty much out of the finals race already but will still win the odd game at home…like this one.

LIONS by 35: Brisbane should win and then we will get another series of ‘What’s wrong with St Kilda?’ articles to read next week. Can’t wait…

HAWKS by 51: The Demons faithful will gather as Melbourne send off David Neitz…but it sure won’t be in style!

DOGS by 26: The Dogs are probably due for a loss but we want them and Hawthorn to stay unbeaten before they clash next week…

Tonight’s action:

MCG, Melbourne – 7:40pm (local): Collingwood v Geelong (SEVEN)