Tag Archives: Jeff Farmer

In The End, There Can Be Only One! (Media Street)

Another Rising Star for Fremantle…shame the club itself is more like a sinking ship!

Palmer or Rioli? Rioli or Palmer? That has been the major talking point this week leading up to the announcement of this year’s Rising Star winner. The case has been made for each of the major contenders – the nuggety midfielder from Fremantle and Hawthorn’s mercurial small forward who really shouldn’t have surprised anybody with his talent…he’s a Rioli, of course he kicks arse!

But, in true Connor McLeod fashion, there can be only one…and it was Rhys Palmer who took the honours with Rioli a clear second. The win is a fitting reward for an outstanding debut season which some are comparing to that of the great Chris Judd. Palmer matched the achievements of fellow Docker Paul Hasleby who won the Rising Star in 2000…which might be a good omen for Rioli as the runner-up to Hasleby that year (Adam Ramanauskas) became a premiership player a few weeks later.

Whether both of these players will be seen as the best of the 2007 draft remains to be seen; particularly with the likes of Matthew Kreuzer and the ability displayed by Richmond’s Trent Cotchin in the second half of the year; but all kudos goes to Palmer for now.

Palmer talks to media about how much better he is than Cyril Rioli…

In non-Palmer news:

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It’s Buddy Mania! (The Lost Weekend)

Is somebody giving away free stuff? Icy cold cans of Coke, perhaps? Or maybe it’s a scrag-fight! Nope, Buddy has kicked the tonne!!!

Round 22, 2008 brought up a few surprise results and some outstanding performances but it will always be remembered for being about Buddy…and not quite being about Fev! Lance Franklin kicked his 100th goal in the first quarter of Hawthorn’s crushing win against Carlton to send the capacity crowd into a fence-jumping frenzy! See it here

Brett Ratten was hoping for both players to crack the 100 goal mark on Saturday night but some early nerves in front of goal and late flooding tactics from Hawthorn conspired against the Fev, leaving him stranded on 99 goals. Ratten was far from impressed with the Hawks after the match but perhaps the Blues coach needs to focus on finding someone; anyone; that can help out by becoming a goal kicking threat and stop teams honing in on the Fev.

Poor Fev…

The other major point of interest from Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Arse round was which team would finish in fourth spot and earn the double chance and have the ‘good fortune’ of facing Geelong in the first qualifying final. And for a while, it seemed like a few sides were going out of their way to avoid finishing fourth as Collingwood and then North Melbourne were knocked off by teams in the bottom four.

When Adelaide held on for a thrilling win against the Western Bulldogs, it seemed like they had claimed the top four spot…even though it took cross-town rival Port Adelaide to help them out! But they also appeared to get a little help from a controversial umpiring decision that saw Jason Porplyzia awarded a goal in the final quarter that was clearly rushed for a behind by Jason Akermanis. The incident is being compared to Diego Maradona’s ‘hand of God’; though we should never encourage the use of the term God with Aker as he will, no doubt, take it personally.

Wait, that’s not a foot…it’s an arm. It’s Aker’s arm! Rushed behind…

What are you umps talking about? I touched it!!! See…this is my arm!!!

GOAL??? You’ve gotta be f&@$#%g kidding me!!!

But the media didn’t appear to be studying the AFL ladder that closely as most of them had the Crows preparing for a big clash with Geelong next weekend, only a few recognising the possibility of St Kilda winning the Sunday twilight match by enough points to leapfrog the Crows on percentage. And, sure enough, they pummelled a lightweight Essendon by 108 points and somehow finished fourth! Now the Pies are headed west to Adelaide and the Roos headed north to Sydney for cut-throat finals next week…that sucks dude!

FRIDAY NIGHT

Great Jeff, you finally played a good game…we are all so very impressed!

SATURDAY

Big head, big grab! Brett Ebert and friends embarrass North Melbourne.

Mind you, Worsfold was pretty confident that none of his players were on drugs a couple of years ago…

Doctor Leo Barry attends to teammate Tadhg Kennelly’s shoulder…now he needs to work on the groin of Adam Goodes!

SUNDAY

This man should be feeling embarrassed after the year he has had…and so should Dean Bailey!

Ever seen players this happy after being flogged by 100 points? At least it won’t happen to them ever again…

Round 22 – Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Arse!

Well played, Rama. Well played…

The final round is here! The end of the road is in sight for those clubs not quite or nowhere near good enough to play finals football…and they are all merely hours away from going completely nuts!!! But don’t get too wild, fellas – particularly if you have a couple of priors, if you get our drift…

For the eight teams who know they will be going around next week, there is a little bit of interest in the results this weekend…but only if North Melbourne slip up on Saturday afternoon. That would leave fourth spot up for grabs to the remaining teams below them in the eight but the Roos are playing a disinterested Port Adelaide so it’s hard too see that happening.

This weekend is also about saying goodbye to those loyal servants who have battled hard for a decade or more and have little or nothing left to give. But as well as the wily veterans, we also bid farewell to those frustrating players who clearly have talent but deficiencies in other areas (on and/or off field) meaning that their time at your club is almost up. Yes, we could be looking at you Alan Didak; and we might be looking at you too, Andrew Lovett. But, we are definitely looking at you, Jeff Farmer!

So, with those players in mind, we look forward to Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Arse round!

FRIDAY NIGHT

Perhaps Fremantle will let Mark Johnson wear his old Essendon jumper in his final game tonight!

Subiaco, Perth – 6:40pm (local): Fremantle v Collingwood (SEVEN)

PIES by 41: Whatever players Fremantle do have left, they won’t be good enough to combat The Prestigiacomo Factor!

SATURDAY AFTERNOON

Shannon Grant will give the game away to pursue other interests…like getting pissed at golf days!

MCG, Melbourne – 1:10pm (local): North Melbourne v Port Adelaide (FOX)

ROOS by 56: Port will only have one player that gives a shit about this game…Dean Brogan! And he can’t win matches on his own…

No wonder Michael Braun retired after last week’s home game…he doesn’t want his final match to be a flogging down at Geelong!

Skilled Stadium, Geelong – 2:10pm (local): Geelong v West Coast (TEN)

CATS by 68: Sounds like that drug problem at the Eagles has flared up again…John Worsfold thinks his side can beat Geelong!!! Huh?

Nathan Bassett says goodbye to Adelaide and hello to insulin!

AAMI Stadium, Adelaide– 4:40pm (local): Adelaide v Western Bulldogs (FOX)

CROWS by 18: Wouldn’t it be funny if the Crows let Jason Porplyzia be captain and he dislocated his shoulder at the coin toss! It could happen…

SATURDAY NIGHT

Surely, Spida Everitt will give it away now…he looks like he’s 55 years old!

SCG, Sydney – 7:10pm (local): Sydney v Brisbane (FOX)

LIONS by 19: Brisbane feel that complacency stopped them from making the finals…which probably means they will fire up for a game that doesn’t matter!

Will Shane Crawford retire this year? Expect an announcement soon…probably from a dancing, semi-naked Crawf during the grand final edition of the Footy Show!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 7:10pm (local): Hawthorn v Carlton (TEN)

HAWKS by 25: Now remember kids, you have to run onto the field when Buddy and/or Fev kicks 100 goals…big uncle Tony says it’s ok!!!

SUNDAY

Come on Russell, let Adem Yze go!!! He has to leave now

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Melbourne v Richmond (SEVEN)

TIGERS by 14: Richmond are back in their rightful place…ninth place, that is! But if they keep moving on players such as Greg Tivendale, they might do the unthinkable and climb higher next year. 

Why would anyone get rid of Damien Peverill? Look, he’s such a good sport…

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 4:40pm (local): Essendon v St Kilda (FOX)

SAINTS by 21: St Kilda should keep a close eye on how Essenedon farewell their batch of retirees…because they will have to do the same to Robert Harvey very, very soon – probably next weekend!

We Can Book That Overseas Holiday Now! (The Lost Weekend)

Cheer up Jared Brennan…it’s not that bad. You only have one more game to play and then you can go completely nuts!!!

After looking headed for a grandstand finish to the home-and-away season, there will be no dramatic ending next weekend after results on Get Some AFL India round eliminated those hopeful clubs from breaking into the top eight. So now the Lions, Tigers and Blues can officially give up their finals dreams and start making plans for the post-season footy trip! The only real intrigue left in the final round is which team will be fortunate enough to finish in fourth spot and face the prospect of being crushed by Geelong in the first qualifying final!

And that match may well be a repeat performance of yesterday’s clash down at Geelong…which was won by the virtually unstoppable Cats. While Geelong were mighty impressive, North Melbourne put in a pretty good effort themselves and David Hale’s eight goals was one of the best individual efforts of the season. So if they do meet again in two week’s time, Hale just needs to kick another five or six and the Roos will be right in it…

Sam Power feels the full force of…Max Power!!!

FRIDAY NIGHT

Finally, after years of waiting, those brainy sub-editors finally get their ‘Hahn six-pack’ moment!!!

SATURDAY

Wow…Fremantle are finally getting a little tired of Jeff Farmer’s shit!!! Shame it’s about four years too late…

And from this point forward, Melbourne were pretty much out of the running!

Ed teases young Sydney supporters by allowing them a brief touch of the footy before snatching it away again. Classy…

Jono Brown wonders whether now is the best time to tell the boys about his ‘super deal’…that’ll cheer them up!

SUNDAY

Nice banner for Robert Harvey…but maybe a touch big for him to keep at home…

The locals would have loved seeing one hundred goals for Buddy but had to settle with a farewell for Michael Braun!

Your Drunken Idiotic Magpie Update (Media Street)

Heath Shaw bullshitting his way through yesterday’s press conference…

It’s another AFL footballer behaving badly story…with a wicked but not entirely unpredictable twist to add to the ‘surely, you can’t be serious’ file!

Firstly, Collingwood’s Heath Shaw got on the drink with a few teammates on Sunday night when it seems he felt the need to drive around in his ute and talk rubbish on his mobile phone at the same time. Yes – it all went pear-shaped! So the Magpies, who have been forced to deal with a number of dickhead-related issues in previous years, proved that old adage of the more you practice something, the better you get at it! They acted swiftly to hose this all down and really do have ‘strong apology’ down to an art form…

You think this guy almost blew an Ed gasket yesterday…his head might just go nuclear today!!!

It started with the coach and president fronting the media pack at training, McGuire virtually blowing his highly prominent top as he aggressively condemned Shaw’s actions. Then Shaw fronted a press conference to ‘face the music’ and deliver the stock standard apology spiel whilst surrounded by his disapproving leadership group. Captain Scott Burns was very vocal in his disdain for what his teammate had done but also backed him to play on the weekend and leapt to his defence when questioned about who may or may not have been riding in the vehicle with him.

Perhaps watching Scott Burns deliver a few home truths inspired Shaw to give that whole ‘telling the truth’ thing a try!

Of course, what Collingwood’s response did not include is a game suspension for Shaw. The Pies have at least been consistent with this over the years with offenders post-idiot act, so you can’t accuse then of making this decision with Saturday’s vital clash against St Kilda in mind. It seems obvious to us that the biggest punishment you can dish out to a footballer is not allow him to play football, right? But the Pies are free to apply any sanction like even though it doesn’t appear to be working for them and most other clubs stand players out of footy for their indiscretions.

Well, that was all until Heath Shaw finally admitted what most people had heard or suspected anyway – that Alan Didak was riding in the passenger seat when he crashed and the two boys had attempted a lame cover-up operation that was never going to work! Not surprisingly, the media have gone completely feral; from announcing that the players have now been suspended to highlighting the humiliation of McGuire and calling for Didak to pack his bags! There will be another press conference today that will be of massive interest to the football world…will the Pies be forced to stand either of both players out of this week’s game? Or will it be worse than that?

So, this is what it takes to get Stephanie Rice off the front pages

In non-alcoholic news:

Another Friday Night Snoozer (Round 14 – Welcome To Splitsville)

Clarko tries to fire up his boys but it’s clear that they are all on holiday and nobody is listening to him…Crawf is just sleeping with his eyes open!

Well, we haven’t had much luck with Friday Night Football the past two weeks. Last Friday was the St Kilda-Fremantle stinkfest and last night’s Hawthorn-West Coast game was not much better. It was clear that most of the players were just counting down the minutes until their mid-season break kicked in…it was played with the intensity of a Melbourne office worker the day before they head off for three weeks holiday in Queensland!The footballing equivalent of cleaning your desk a dozen times and shuffling pens until five o’clock!

The Hawks just went through the motions, relying on the occasional efforts of Buddy Franklin and Jarryd Roughead to ensure a comfortable win. Alastair Clarkson will have been pleased to get to the break with just two losses though he can’t seem to keep his players from hurting themselves.

John Worsfold, on the other hand, seemed pleased with the effort of his players to lose a shit-boring game by ten goals! That is not the Worsfold we all know and loathe…

SATURDAY

Brendan Fevola is hoping to finalise his new contract with Carlton during the split round…then he might be able to afford some dental work!

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Richmond v Carlton (FOX)

Nick Riewoldt will stay on the Gold Coast during his break…just getting a feel for his new footballing home in 2011!

Gold Coast Stadium, Gold Coast – 7:10pm (local): North Melbourne v St Kilda (TEN)

Port Adelaide players love frolicking at the beach during the split round break…they build sand castles and Warren Tredrea dresses up like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch and pretends to rescue his teammates. What fun!

TIO Stadium, Darwin – 7:10pm (local): Western Bulldogs v Port Adelaide (FOX)

SUNDAY

Brock McLean will be threatening to crush young school children with his massive arms unless they sign up as members during the break. The kids are not impressed…

MCG, Melbourne – 1:10pm (local): Melbourne v Brisbane (FOX)

It seems those orange boots are a massive hit with the ladies! Kyle Reimers will spend his break picking up many famous single women…he has even recruited Jay Nash to help keep up with demand!!

Subiaco, Perth – 2:40pm (local): Fremantle v Essendon (FOX)

Round 14 – Welcome To Splitsville! (Part One)

While every other AFL player is escaping from their club for a week off, Ben Cousins is just trying to find a club somewhere, anywhere to join!

Woohoo!! Mid-season break! The split round is here and every footballer will be looking forward to a weekend away from the head-high bump and grind of a long AFL season. And the players cannot wait!

But what do they get up to? We know that Dean Cox will be heading for a deserted island far, far away the second the final siren sounds at the MCG tonight. Fremantle players are already in holiday mode…and they actually have to play this week!

But those players who were hoping to stay up late to watch Maria Sharapova win Winbledon next week will be shattered this morning…absolutely shattered! Don’t worry boys, Ana Ivanovic is still in the tournament

Maria is out…but Ana is still in! Well worth staying up late for…

So, what will our favourite footy players get up to when they have a week off during the split round? Well, it’s time to find out as we say Welcome to Splitsville!

TEAM NEWS

TIPS FOR WELCOME TO SPLITSVILLE – PART ONE:

HAWKS by 41: Hawthorn are in the top four and care a lot. West Coast are in the bottom four and don’t care a lot. If you were ever stupid enough to bet your house on a game of football…this would probably be the one!

TIGERS by 9: They may not get one hundred thousand people at the ‘G, but the four points should keep Richmond happy.

ROOS by 18: Could be a rough night for the Saints, particularly if the guys from GC17 catch up with Nick Riewoldt about his future plans…

DOGS by 35: If you were ever stupid enough to bet your house on two games of football…this game and the Hawthorn game would probably be the two!

LIONS by 21: Will Travis Johnstone feel a bit sentimental when he takes on his former club? No, we don’t think so either…

DOCKERS by 29: A third win and perhaps a permanent vacation for Jeff Farmer and Heath Black…is this a turning point for the Fremantle Dockers?

Tonight’s action:

Daniel Kerr will spend his week off ringing other clubs in the hope of getting traded to a contender at the end of the year!

MCG, Melbourne – 7:40pm (local): Hawthorn v West Coast (SEVEN)