Tag Archives: Mark Johnson

Round 22 – Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Arse!

Well played, Rama. Well played…

The final round is here! The end of the road is in sight for those clubs not quite or nowhere near good enough to play finals football…and they are all merely hours away from going completely nuts!!! But don’t get too wild, fellas – particularly if you have a couple of priors, if you get our drift…

For the eight teams who know they will be going around next week, there is a little bit of interest in the results this weekend…but only if North Melbourne slip up on Saturday afternoon. That would leave fourth spot up for grabs to the remaining teams below them in the eight but the Roos are playing a disinterested Port Adelaide so it’s hard too see that happening.

This weekend is also about saying goodbye to those loyal servants who have battled hard for a decade or more and have little or nothing left to give. But as well as the wily veterans, we also bid farewell to those frustrating players who clearly have talent but deficiencies in other areas (on and/or off field) meaning that their time at your club is almost up. Yes, we could be looking at you Alan Didak; and we might be looking at you too, Andrew Lovett. But, we are definitely looking at you, Jeff Farmer!

So, with those players in mind, we look forward to Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Arse round!


Perhaps Fremantle will let Mark Johnson wear his old Essendon jumper in his final game tonight!

Subiaco, Perth – 6:40pm (local): Fremantle v Collingwood (SEVEN)

PIES by 41: Whatever players Fremantle do have left, they won’t be good enough to combat The Prestigiacomo Factor!


Shannon Grant will give the game away to pursue other interests…like getting pissed at golf days!

MCG, Melbourne – 1:10pm (local): North Melbourne v Port Adelaide (FOX)

ROOS by 56: Port will only have one player that gives a shit about this game…Dean Brogan! And he can’t win matches on his own…

No wonder Michael Braun retired after last week’s home game…he doesn’t want his final match to be a flogging down at Geelong!

Skilled Stadium, Geelong – 2:10pm (local): Geelong v West Coast (TEN)

CATS by 68: Sounds like that drug problem at the Eagles has flared up again…John Worsfold thinks his side can beat Geelong!!! Huh?

Nathan Bassett says goodbye to Adelaide and hello to insulin!

AAMI Stadium, Adelaide– 4:40pm (local): Adelaide v Western Bulldogs (FOX)

CROWS by 18: Wouldn’t it be funny if the Crows let Jason Porplyzia be captain and he dislocated his shoulder at the coin toss! It could happen…


Surely, Spida Everitt will give it away now…he looks like he’s 55 years old!

SCG, Sydney – 7:10pm (local): Sydney v Brisbane (FOX)

LIONS by 19: Brisbane feel that complacency stopped them from making the finals…which probably means they will fire up for a game that doesn’t matter!

Will Shane Crawford retire this year? Expect an announcement soon…probably from a dancing, semi-naked Crawf during the grand final edition of the Footy Show!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 7:10pm (local): Hawthorn v Carlton (TEN)

HAWKS by 25: Now remember kids, you have to run onto the field when Buddy and/or Fev kicks 100 goals…big uncle Tony says it’s ok!!!


Come on Russell, let Adem Yze go!!! He has to leave now

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Melbourne v Richmond (SEVEN)

TIGERS by 14: Richmond are back in their rightful place…ninth place, that is! But if they keep moving on players such as Greg Tivendale, they might do the unthinkable and climb higher next year. 

Why would anyone get rid of Damien Peverill? Look, he’s such a good sport…

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 4:40pm (local): Essendon v St Kilda (FOX)

SAINTS by 21: St Kilda should keep a close eye on how Essenedon farewell their batch of retirees…because they will have to do the same to Robert Harvey very, very soon – probably next weekend!


What An Emotional Day (Round One – The Great Unveiling)

Party On 

Party on…you damn maniacs!

Richmond fans have been celebrating like idiots since Thursday night…and why not? They actually won a game…and who knows when that will happen again? And Geelong people are not that worked up over winning interstate…how times have changed!

But what about the rest of us? When will it be our turn to bark like rabid dogs at some blokes chasing a football? The Great Unveiling continues today with three very interesting matches, with another three to come over the next two days. It is the first Saturday of the new season – the first of many with arse parked on the couch, near the bar or within earshot of the radio and yelling like a damn fool at the footy. It’s…excuse me for a sec…it’s a little emotional…

Good luck if your mob is running around today…otherwise; be patient, reflect in the religious significance of this time (if that’s your thing), partake in a few choccy eggs (that’s more our thing) and get ready to cheer your boys on in the coming days!

Today’s action:


MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Collingwood v Fremantle (FOX)

  • Probably the most overlooked match of the opening round. Collingwood is the team that doesn’t appear to be good enough but usually delivers while Fremantle has the talent and experience but yet to make the most of it. Should be a great match – a much better standard game than that Judd love-in the other night.
  • New skipper Scott Burns won’t be able to lead his side today after withdrawing due to injury. It continues a long run of what could be described as a ‘Captain’s Curse’ for Collingwood. Nathan Buckley was dogged by injury for most of 2007 and for years before that, Bucks was also cursed with being so much better than the rest of us. And before that…um…Tony Shaw ran into a tree?
  • To Buckley’s credit, he developed into a great captain and writes about it in today’s Age – definitely worth a read;
  • The build-up to this match has been a little reserved, though both coaches tried to get it on earlier this week. But Mark Harvey wants to start off his first full season with a win and is trusting his experienced players to make it happen. Brave man.
  • Fremantle made no guarantees to former Bomber Mark Johnson when they picked him up last year but he will make his first appearance (in public at least) in purple today. Having had a long history of tussles with Jeff Farmer, Johnson could not make any guarantees that he wouldn’t try to punch Farmer in the head if they both played in the forward line. Johnson has been named in the back pocket.


Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 7:10pm (local): St Kilda v Sydney (TEN)


Subiaco, Perth – 5:40pm (local): West Coast v Brisbane (FOX)