Tag Archives: Match Review Panel

All Eyes On The Juddster! (Media Street)


Visy ambassador Chris Judd reacts badly to Michael Rischitelli’s confession that he doesn’t recycle…

Two weeks ago, it was Buddy. Last week, it was Lloydy. This week…Chris Judd? For an alleged eye gouge? Not THE Chris Judd, surely! This can’t be true…must be a case of mistaken identity. Fev is the cause of all problems at the Blues, isn’t he? Must have been Fev! Or even that dancing guy of the same name that married Jennifer Lopez in 2001!

No, it’s true. Carlton captain Chris Judd has been busted for inexplicibly fiddling with the face of Brisbane Lion Michael Rischitelli during Saturday night’s elimination final! The Ruddster will be shattered…

Mr Judd will miss the first three rounds of 2010 unless he takes the early plea, reducing it down to two matches. But relax, football fans – not only is Judd eligible to win the Brownlow Medal this year and next, he can still attend football’s night of nights with his glamorous partner Rebecca Twigley. Forget the AFL tribunal…imagine the trouble he would have been in at home if they weren’t allowed to go!


No Brownlow Medal night? Juddy would be lucky to escape with a bloody nose if that ever happened…

Interesting to see whether the Blues challenge this decision as it appears the Match Review Panel have not left much room for them to move. The incident was listed as a ‘misconduct offence in that he made unreasonable and unnecessary contact to the face’ and assessed as intentional conduct (three points), low impact (one point) and high contact (two points). With those parameters in mind, no doubt it was intentional and the face certainly falls in the ‘high’ category. Unless they can downgrade ‘low’ impact to ‘barely any’, I can’t see how Judd can beat this one.


That’s enough Chris…No need to say any more…Ok, you need to stop…Just shut up now…GOD, MAN – WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! STOP TALKING ALREADY!!!

What certainly works against him are comments made the day after the gut-wrenching loss to the Lions where he denied eye gouging Rischitelli. For reasons that cannot be explained, except for an early start on Mad Monday festivities, the normally measured Judd revealed he was aiming for some type of martial arts style pressure point on the guy’s face! Yeah, that helped clear things up.

Whether he was fair dinkum or not, it was probably the dumbest thing I’ve heard this year. And now we have knob-ends like Craig Hutchison chasing martial arts experts for comment and floating theories about how it could have been lethal. Nice work!


When the going gets tough, Judd’s super tough…with a Hong Kong Phooey chop!

Something else that would work against any potential challenge is that incident back in 2007 where then-Eagle Judd was initially charged with eye gouging Campbell Brown in a match down in Tasmania. After some ‘generous’ evidence from Brown, Judd walked free. The Hawk hard man appeared to abide by the strict rules of the ‘player code’ on this occasion, though it certainly doesn’t apply in any incident involving Matthew Lloyd.


Here is Chris Judd doing ‘nothing’ to Campbell Brown’s eye in 2007.

Maybe Judd threatened Brown with some pressure point action…or did he use the Jedi mind trick?


If Judd gets off this charge, we will know that the Force is with him!


Round Twenty One – A Few Loose Ends


Didn’t think we’d see this again…welcome back, Graham Polak!

A slow, painful journey came to an end on the weekend when Richmond’s Graham Polak made his return to football after his shocking tram accident last year. It was great to see him play again and was one of the true highlights of round 21 in the AFL. And while he can laugh about it now, there is one thing that he still must deal with…that he plays for Richmond. Now that is no laughing matter!

While Polak’s return to footy is now complete, there are still a few loose ends in the finals race that need to be tidied up following last weekend’s action. The top four teams are sorted at least..but the finishing order won’t be determined until third plays fourth this Sunday afternoon. Amazingly, neither the dominant Saints or Cats are premiership favourites right now – that honour belongs to (gulp!) Collingwood. Lucky Mick Malthouse doesn’t listen to hype…meaning he must have ignored everything Eddie McGuire has ever said during the past decade!

Chuck in two games that will determine who will host an elimination final, including two teams playing off for the right to host, and a massive weekend of footy looms. After that, an equally massive week of end-of-season piss ups kick off…at least we won’t be treated to Fev and his dildo. Not yet anyway…


Lance Franklin and Ben Cousins clash at full pelt…and the ladies of Australia hold their collective breath!

Hawk fans will be holding their collective breath as well now that, much to the surprise of Hawthorn, spearhead Lance Franklin has been suspended by the match review panel after his bump on Ben Cousins during their big win on Saturday night. That result, combined with Essendon’s capitulation against the Dockers on Sunday night, sees the Bombers and Hawks play off for eighth spot on Saturday afternoon…and unless they can launch a successful appeal, Hawthorn’s glamour forward won’t be out there. Great news for my Bombers…shit news for my Dream Team!!!


Breathe easy ladies…Ben is ok and he still looks hot!

The Games:


“Great win boys – we’re in the four with a big shot at a flag! Now we’re all in this together so just stay focused on the team and forget about the individual stuff! Can you all do that?”


Well, the answer to that question appears to be…a big fat NO!

Mark Thompson may not have seen this coming but plenty of mug punters sure did!  The Western Bulldogs knock off Geelong to secure their spot in the top four and enhance their premiership credentials. But did this performance stop the hacks asking inane questions about picking up a washed-up forward next season? Of course it didn’t! But more comments from Mr Inane Comment himself will only keep those questions, and many others, coming. Just what you need heading into a finals campaign…


Come on you blokes, what are you doing? If you were fair dinkum today, we’d be ahead by 300 points already!!!

The finals-bound Blues were hoping for a decent hitout, the Demons needed to keep hold of their priority draft pick, the almost-homeless Russell Robertson wanted to show his wares and Brendan Fevola needed a few goals to wrap up the Coleman Medal…everybody got what they wanted! Well, except for Richard Hadley


Twenty-three years after coming into vogue at the World Cup in Mexico, South Australia discovers the Mexican Wave! Can’t wait for the next new fad to hit town…the Rubik’s Cube!

Is this serious? “ADELAIDE coach Neil Craig says West Coast is still as big a threat to his side as ever before.” Um, excuse me? The only threat in this match was Adelaide breaking all manner of records during an easy win! As expected, the dreaded West Coast Eagles hoodoo has been broken and now the Crows can look forward to some real pressure matches!


Oh no, not again! At least Buddy has all his teeth intact this time…

Hawthorn may not feel worthy of playing finals but they might not have a choice in the end! They stay alive for another week with a regulation win over Richmond. We should learn soon which poor bugger becomes the next Tigers coach…and won’t they be thrilled to learn that they have a shitload of money tied into players they probably don’t want and can’t get rid of! Enjoy that…


No finals for Port, no pearls of coaching wisdom from Mark Williams. It just won’t be the same.

When you are playing for a finals spot and you lead by 47 points in the first quarter, how the heck do you screw it up? Brisbane complete the massive comeback and while the result displayed Brisbane’s strength of character, what does it tell us about Port Adelaide…apart from being a bunch of whackjobs? According to the coach, all they need are some new players who are not mentally fragile and are not called Peter Burgoyne!


Drew Petrie hasn’t chalked up as many wins as Nick Riewoldt this year but he sure can kick straight when it matters

Petrie and the Kangaroos shock St Kilda as his clutch late goal gives them a rare win…and a second loss of the season for the high flying Saints. No panic stations though – not for a club with a long history of failures, no no no!  As an Essendon man, I have always found James Hird to be an inspirational figure…and, it seems, so do the Roos!


Dale Thomas and Nick Maxwell try to talk some sense into umpire Scott McLaren. Forget it guys…many have tried and all have failed. It’s Mission Impossible!

Collingwood keep rolling on with an easy afternoon’s work against an embarrassed Sydney outfit. Paul Roos might be pissed off about the overly officious interchange rules that saw his team punished during the game…but it’s his team’s bloody fault that we have it in the first place!


The Dockers flip a coin in the pre-game huddle to decide whether they give a shit this week. Must have come up heads!

Fremantle…shit one day, not-so-shit the next! The Dockers go some way towards making up for that craptacular performance against the Demons by spanking the (possibly) finals-bound Essendon at Subiaco. Aaron Sandilands pretty much did as he pleased in the ruck against Essendon’s fourth and fifth best ruckmen…though if the big fella could truly do as he pleased in life and football, he sure wouldn’t be doing it at Freo!

Round Three – Should Have Laid Off The Choccy Eggs!


Heath Shaw – seems like a touch…a touch too much!

Talk about having a crappy Easter break! Collingwood’s Heath Shaw would have been feeling sick to his stomach all weekend without the aid of a single chocolate egg (or many of them in succession, like the rest of us!) after his report for touching an umpire last Thursday night. Unfortunate because it was actually Alan Didak who touched the umpire, Shaw was just covering up for him…again!


Now this is the best way to touch an umpire…gently, respectfully and with a smile!

The matter has been sent straight to the tribunal so it will be a pretty big night there…particularly if there are a few players who elect to contest charges stemming from round three. But while some people in footy might have had a crappy Easter weekend; Heath Shaw, John Worsfold and Terry Wallace immediately spring to mind; it pales into insignificance compared to the anguish that the family and friends of ex-Hawk and footy documentary whiz Rob Dickson must be feeling. How sad…knocks the stuffing out of you, doesn’t it!

The Games:


Busted nose for Steve Johnson…guess he won’t be able to rely on his looks anymore!

Geelong continue on their merry way as they steamroll Collingwood…causing the normally-obtuse Mick Malthouse to deal in the bleeding obvious. The Pies were made to pay for numerous acts of inaccuracy…which makes you wonder whether Heath Shaw meant to grab the ump’s arm or was actually trying to grab him elsewhere and just plain missed! Bloody skill errors…


Be it celebrating with teammates or wrestling with opponents, Kossie just can’t stop whacking blokes in the head!

St Kilda could hardly have been more impressive during the opening three rounds, and Nick Riewoldt has yet to really get going. So maybe this is (finally) the year of the Saint? The Eagles looked very average and you can just imagine John Worsfold being so pissed that he would have confiscated every Easter egg from his players on the long flight home to Perth!


Two weeks ago, Essendon were a crap team and everybody at Windy Hill hated Hayden Skipworth…seems neither of those things are correct.

Carlton’s rise to premiership glory stalls after the Bombers win a classic in front of seventy thousand at the ‘G. If only Fev wasn’t injured, and if only Matthew Lloyd was really finished as a footballer (like he was last year), the result could have been so different. But…it wasn’t! And a big thanks to the bogan footy family who interrupted a quiet Saturday night dinner at the local Chinese restaurant in Warrnambool with random screams of “Go Bombers”. Made my night!

The Sydney Swans were meant to be Brisbane’s bogey side…sure didn’t look like it! The Lions knock off Sydney at home and it seems like the message of Voss is getting through…though if they are really setting themselves for a return to the big time, beating Collingwood at home is a must. And a Friday night as well…rare territory for Brisbane.


Doesn’t look like Dean Bailey is loving life as Melbourne coach but…



First we had Lloydy, now Warren Tredrea rises from the Useless AFL Player grave to kick six goals as Port bounce back after a poor showing in Perth last week. But come on – they were playing the Demons at home…as if they weren’t going to romp it in! The only problem they were going to have was with discipline…and yes, they struggled in that area again. The coach will be delighted. No, seriously – he will think it’s unreal! He loves tough guys…

The premiership hangover theory can be discarded too as Hawthorn put injury woes and tragedy aside to win easily over North Melbourne. It ended a miserable week for the Roos, Dean Laidley referring to the scrutiny around the chicken sex video as akin to World War III.  Well, without the global significance, the devastation and the mass killings of soldiers and innocent people, of course! Apart from that, yeah – just like a war…

The Crows did manage to handle their week of scrutiny a little better than the Roos, fighting their way to a good road win against the Dockers. Three rounds in and how many wins do Fremantle have? None! Luckily, coach Mark Harvey has a supporter in the coach that just knocked off his team. Grant Thomas is definitely not a supporter…but that probably works in Harvey’s favour!


Will the Tigers find inspiration from Richo snorting his glove through his nose and out his mouth? Well, anything is worth a shot for Richmond…

The Western Bulldogs, a top-four team in good form, had a good win yesterday over Richmond, not a top-four team and not in good form. So the outrage and hysteria about the Tigers seems a little over the top and, dare we say it, contrived by media types who need content for the week. But if Terry Wallace is feeling heat now, imagine what he will cop if they fall to the winless Demons this Sunday!

NAP Time Is Over…Can We Get Serious Now? (2009 NAP Cup)


Sorry, missed most of the preseason competition…was kinda busy!

Ok, NOW footy season is here again! No more glorified practice matches or experimental rules…the real stuff is a mere eleven days away! Sure – the NAP Cup; the four-week preseason comp that, for whatever reason, takes seven weeks to play; has been run and won by…not Collingwood! But not even the sadistic prospect of witnessing those wretched Magpies lose another grand final was incentive enough to check out the game. Well, there was also those tickets for the Kings of Leon last Friday night


Geelong players celebrate the fact they survived the preseason without sustaining a major injury. Well, not all of them

For all of its positives – and, to be fair, there are plenty of benefits from a well organised, televised preseason comp for players, clubs, media and (most importantly) the League’s coffers – it’s just not the same as having two teams slog it out in the depths of winter for four competition points.  It’s not like I deliberately avoided the NAP Cup – in fact, was more than happy to go along to the Essendon-Western Bulldogs Bushfire Appeal match and eat meat pies for charity.

But the game itself did not inspire and after trying to sit through a god-awful second-up win by the Bombers over Brisbane, footy just fell off the radar. Didn’t  feel quite ready for footy season – for one, it was still bloody summer and secondly, I’d only just picked up my copy of Guitar Hero World Tour

But it wasn’t just the actual games of footy that I wasn’t quite prepared for…the intensity of the footy media, even in early February, proved a bit much as well. I know we should all be used to it by now, particularly here in Melbourne, but that Carlton intra-club stouch probably received more coverage than many other vital stories of worldly proportions – like the world economic crisis or Paris Hilton buying some stuff on Chapel Street.

Setanta had barely removed the point of his boot from the rectal area of Cameron Cloke and all these opposing media outlets went into hyper-overdrive as they all attempted to out-apeshit each other on the story.


Q) What do you call the area between the dick and the arsehole?

A) Setanta O’hAilpin!

Actually, that particular area is called the perineum…and the Match Review Panel handed down a four-match penalty for the mad Irishman’s unprecedented Cloke attack. The Nick Maxwell debacle might leave us uncertain about protection of the head but at least we know for sure that in AFL footy, the perineum is sacrosanct! But, no – Setanta was not sacked and/or deported back to the Emerald Isle. And yes – you did grossly over-react…all of you!

That, combined with the shocking events taking place here in Victoria during February, kinda put me off getting too wrapped up in the goings-on in the AFL – be they of some consequence in the footy world or have no relevance whatsoever. Case in point: “Ben Cousins moves into a house” was a massive news story in the Herald Sun? Yes, a complete joke but then again, yesterday’s front page was dedicated to naked photos of Pauline Hanson…and I know which ‘story’ I ‘d prefer to read whilst attempting to eat breakfast on a Sunday morning!

But now season 2009 is here and the next time we see two blokes in opposing jumpers fight over a footy, it will truly be worth something. Time to get excited. Time to check out how the sixteen clubs are positioned heading into round one and make wild, uneducated guesses as to who will improve this year and who will make the big slide. Time to put some thought into the Half Back Flanker fantasy footy teams. So…let’s get started!

Well, maybe after a couple more songs on Guitar Hero

Um, Vossy…Can We Have A Quick Chat? (Media Street)

The first Monday following the final round of the AFL season is renowned for some crazy antics from eight clubs worth of tired, emotional and thirsty footballers. Take Brendan Fevola, for example, who was spotted in Federation Square in Melbourne wearing a pink nighty, complete with sex toy penis dangling from the front. It was all part of Carlton’s Mad Monday celebrations, so the Herald Sun’s “frock shock” is a bit rich…and you will probably see Fev wearing that exact same outfit for the Grand Final edition of the Footy Show anyway!

But it was a different type of madness up in Brisbane when word filtered through that Lions coach and AFL legend Leigh Matthews pulled the pin on his ten year stint up north. The Lions tried to talk him out of leaving the position but Matthews sensed that the time was right for him walk away and start a new chapter in his life…one that undoubtedly involves flogging affordable house-and-land packages to battlers everywhere. But he leaves with his reputation intact as a highly influential AFL figure in Queensland who moulded the once-struggling Lions into a triple-premiership footballing powerhouse.

And while the timing was perfect for Matthews, it probably wasn’t the best for Jonathan Brown. Not only was he probably looking forward to getting on the cans yesterday for Mad Monday, he was just announcing that he had signed on to stay with Brisbane after months of speculation over his future with the Lions. Browny was forced to stress that his decision was not influenced by Leigh’s decision to walk after rumblings that his pragmatic coaching style was wearing thin with the players. But you can tell that Browny was not impressed that he was facing the media on Mad Monday instead of wearing a pink nighty himself!

Leigh looks relaxed. Browny looks like a man who had a huge Mad Monday planned but is now stuck in this dumb press conference while his mates are getting pissed without him!

Naturally, thoughts of a replacement for Lethal Leigh have turned to one man, and one man only, Michael Voss! Brisbane’s triple-premiership captain had signed on for an assistant coaching role with the West Coast Eagles but will be given permission to speak with Brisbane over the freshly vacated role…and you can guarantee that the Lions want to talk to him!

Of course, Aker has had his say on the Leigh Matthews-Michael Voss coaching issue and declared himself just as qualified as Vossy and wonders why he hasn’t received a call from Brisbane yet. Can somebody tell Aker that ‘dickhead’ is not a certified coaching qualification?

Other Monday madness…non-alcohol related:

No More Solly…For Now (Media Street)

Mark Harvey would never get rid of Solly…he loves the bloke! Just look at them – they are like a pair of slightly vacuous twins!

It is season over for Freo’s Dean Solomon after the AFL tribunal handed down an eight week suspension last night for his nasty clash with Geelong Mayor Cameron Ling. The sentence is not only greater than that handed down to Barry Brainfade earlier this year but it’s actually the heaviest handed down by the tribunal since Carlton’s Greg Williams shoved an umpire in round one 1997.

With Solomon out of contract as season’s end, there was talk that his career could be over but there is no way he won’t be back at Fremantle in 2009. The guy is only 28 years old, a premiership defender and, most importantly for the Dockers, a former Essendon player. So Mark Harvey will ensure Solly sticks around – along with Mark Johnson, Kepler Bradley…heck, don’t be surprised if Harvs recruits Jason Johnson and Damien Peverill to join them!

In fact, the Dockers were reportedly seeking legal advice over the severity of the penalty…perhaps they will argue that continuing to play every week alongside Jeff Farmer, Josh Carr and friends is a far greater punishment? They are probably right…

The Solly case ends a frantic couple of days for the League’s match review panel:

In other news:

Big Wins, Big Injuries, Big Problems! (The Lost Weekend)

Solomon sees red…

Well, that was another incident packed weekend! Important wins by St Kilda, Richmond, Collingwood and Hawthorn helped boost their respective finals chances while injuries to key players will test the playing stocks of both Geelong and Adelaide. Well…maybe only Adelaide! But the biggest story from the weekend comes out of Geelong where the Cats and Dockers are still counting the cost of a wild encounter at Skilled Stadium on Saturday.

Yeah, nah…sorry…and that…

Fremantle took a highly physical approach to the challenge of playing the reigning champs with the antagonising pair of Ryan Crowley and Josh Carr unsettling a few Cats…leaving them quite unimpressed. While they came close to crossing the line a few times, Dean Solomon took a few mammoth steps over that line when he attacked Cameron Ling with his pointy elbow!

Ling will probably miss the next month of footy and while Solomon went live-to-air after the match to apologise for the incident, he won’t receive a lot of sympathy this week from the AFL tribunal. How he got out of the Geelong region unscathed is close to miraculous. Then again, has Solomon been sighted since his TV apology? If not, we fear for his safety!

Oooh, that looks nasty! Dean Solomon came out and apologised for that as well…

At least Lingy will be back out there and scaring young children later this season…but Brett Burton won’t! His left knee collapsed during Adelaide’s loss to Collingwood and his season is over. While it is most likely that Burton will be back at some stage of 2009, have we seen the best of the high flying Birdman? Or will he undergo the same radical knee surgery as Nick Malceski and introduce the bionic leap to AFL football?

Here’s a look back at who claimed all the points as part of the Eight Point Game round:


A bit like Tadhg’s shoulder, the Swans just keep popping out every now and then…

It was at this point that the Dogs had the match all wrapped up…

Daniel Kerr might miss a few more games for this little incident


Brownlow Medal punters shat themselves when they saw Gazza’s ankle!

Shoulder trouble or huge Star Trek fan?

David Hille…Luke Darcy wants your phone number!

Hey Crabman!