Tag Archives: Matthew Knights

Rough Start But It Sure Got Better! (Septocemia – 2009 AFL Finals Series)

septocemiabanner

SlowRocca

The slow motion footage, the wanky opera music, the pissweak attempt to make Anthony Rocca appear graceful. Yep, must be finals time!

September action is finally under way! There was a bit of an ugly beginning on Friday night but after that we saw plenty of riveting footy action that made sitting through rubbish games like round 22 West Coast v Richmond all worthwhile. Typically in the first week of the finals, the results play out according to ladder position. The top two sides win through to the preliminary final and the seventh and eighth teams are eliminated. Boring! But this year…no just kidding! It all went to plan but it was far from boring.

RiewoldtIce

St Kilda will now encase Nick Riewoldt’s entire body in ice for two weeks to ensure he is right for preliminary final day!

Runaway leaders during the home-and-away season, St Kilda were destined for failure according to Dermott Brereton, the Bogan Football Oracle himself. If Brereton’s ‘theory’ held such weight then we are screwed this year because each of the top four teams have not experienced Hawthorn-style sustained success in the past 45 to 50 years. Shall we just not award the premiership cup this season because Dermie feels none of the clubs are worthy enough? It’s not just about culture – class goes a long way too; Nick Riewoldt and the Saints proved that on Sunday. This also leads us to the Cats…

LingWins

The media wanted the red, white and blue to triumph on Saturday. Well, it did….but only in the form of football’s favourite ranga, Mr Cameron Ling!

Geelong’s performance in the other qualifying final not only shattered the Western Bulldogs but ruined the football media’s fevered pursuit of a drought breaking premiership for the Dogs. There was no doubt that the preference for Saturday’s game was success for the ‘sexier’ storyline of the Doggies. Poised to make history! This might be their year! And Channel Ten spent the entire pre-match playing the Footsray violin and barely recognising the fact that the Cats have their own shot at creating some history going on this September.

FootscrayViolin

The 1954 Footscray premiership team pass the mantle to the cuurent day players. Didn’t realise the Doggies were already in the Grand Final?! Well, congratulations…I guess.

Don’t get me wrong – that feature made for good television. Really good television. It would have been perfect as part of the pre-game for the 2009 Grand Final…if the Bulldogs were actually playing in it! But the Dogs were the third-placed team playing a club that, believe it or not, actually finished higher than them on the ladder…and has been the best performed team for the past three years. The hacks had Geelong written off, forgotten and ignored…that will be hard to do now they are in the prelim!

ThirstyKnights

Matthew Knights would have been looking for something a little stronger to drink as the night wore on!

While the beaten Doggies and Pies live to fight another day, two teams are in the midst of conducting their alcohol-laced post-mortems after being eliminated on the weekend. The first team to be shown the door was Essendon…and it sure wasn’t pretty! Already undermanned and missing their first three ruck options, Essendon coach Matthew Knights gambled at the last minute by leaving out the only bloke they had over 200cms tall for ‘a runner’, which ended up being an Irish kiddie who cannot even spell Sherrin…let alone drop one onto his foot to kick a goal from the goal line!

Actually, they looked ok early until they coughed up a goal late in the first quarter…and then another 22 goals for the rest of the night! Reports of involvement by Bombers players in an altercation at some Adelaide nightclub proved to be false. For the second time that night, it seems that they were merely innocent bystanders!

LionsSing

You never see Jono Brown this pumped up! Either they have just pulled off a miracle comeback or Cold Chisel have reformed!!!

The Bombers were joined in post-season shenanigans by the Brisbane Lions Carlton? WHAT? How did this happen? The Blues were home for all money with a five-goal lead early in the final quarter but half an hour later, their season was over. Brisbane completed a true football miracle which resulted in euphoric scenes all around the Gabba, including some great footage of Prime Minister Kevin Rudd clapping, cheering and pretending to know every word to the Lions theme song…when it was clear that he had absolutely no idea!

HappyRuddster

“We are Brisbane, la la la, hmm hmm something, blue and gold! We are good and stuff, la la la la, yeah wow hey something old!

No doubt the Ruddstar will make the trek down to the MCG for Brisbane’s semi final clash with the Western Bulldogs on Friday night…

The Games:

QuinnHowler

Anytime you can drop your only ruckman from a do-or-die game to bring in an Irishman who had never played the sport twelve months ago…you have to do it, right?

Adelaide are damn scary! They win their first final for a few years and could barely have looked more impressive in the process…plus they have a couple of key additions to come for the Collingwood game. Essendon did well enough to make the finals but lost more games than they won during the year so it’s fitting that they bow out at this stage. They probably wish that they weren’t exposed this badly in prime time though!

PissedDogs

Is it any coincidence that the only time Brad Johnson does not seem to have a smile on his face, Jason Akermanis appears to be running his mouth? Gee, good luck next year!

Geelong did exactly what it needed to do in order to qualify for a third straight preliminary final. How they prepare over the next two weeks will be vital as they aim for another grand final berth…well, they’ve had a bit of practice at it! The Doggies failed to deliver when it counted but Rodney Eade still believes they can go all the way. First things first – try starting with Aker’s old mob on Friday night! They’re coming…by whatever means necessary!

JuddFinger

Not sure what Chris Judd is up to here but I’m sure it’s all pure and sweet and innocent. It’s Chris Judd after all…

Whatever Vossy said, it must have bordered on genius – it was one of the best alright! The Brisbane Lions kicked the last six goals of the match to storm to victory, leaving Carlton a long off-season to figure out what the heck just happened to them. But hey, at least Brendan Fevola tried really hard for the entire game! Will we see this more often? Unlikely…

RiewoldtCelebrates

If any team other than St Kilda wants to win the flag, they have to find a way to stop this bloke!!!

The Saints passed their first finals pressure test with flying colourshope Ross Lyon enjoys his break! Like the Dogs, the Pies still think they can win it but they need to beat the rampant Crows with two less days to prepare. Scott Pendlebury’s season could be over while you wonder whether they will persist with the Anthony Rocca Experience. He did lead the team with two goals…he also managed team-high stats for pulling mean faces, talking smack and unnecessary displays of force which result in nothing of substance.

Advertisements

Round Nineteen – Why So Sad?

OttensFinger

Why is Bomber Thompson sad? Because he has to actually do some real work in the coaches box nowadays! And his biggest asset just walks around in a suit, sipping water and trying to figure out where his finger has been…

After losing to the finals-bound Blues on Friday night, the Cats are in a little strife but Thompson appears to be keeping a cool exterior. There is no need to panic just yet…but the signs are not great for that second premiership. You wonder whether Bomber sought out Gary Ablett Senior at Geelong’s 150th birthday celebration and asked him what he was up to over the next couple of months? And what kind of shape was he in?

DumbQuestion

Don’t worry Ross, I’m equally stunned that any competent person would ask you that question!

Why is Ross Lyon sad? He wouldn’t have anything to be sad about, would he? Well, footy must be in a pretty sorry state if some dumb journo actually looked at him with a straight face and seriously used the “T-word” in reference to leaving out injured players! We should be talking about one “D” word…the depth and spirit of St Kilda’s list. Instead, D is for the dunces who are driving this “T-word” debate…which is now so misguided that it is embarrassing. Why?

A) It doesn’t aptly describe what is happening at those clubs who are struggling and in contention for priority draft picks anyway. B) It is now being applied (incorrectly) to any team that fails to field it’s strongest possible line-up, regardless of health status, and/or places a player in a position on the field that (according to the hack) is just slightly different to the way they always play. C) It detracts from the real issue of fans turning up to watch their team play hoping that they will lose…to the point that they are delighted when the opposing team kicks a goal after the siren to snatch victory.

But no…go ahead Herald Sun. Keep that coverage going. Overboard, overblown, over it!

RocketSpray

Have you idiots been reading the Herald Sun or something? This Eagles team are actually trying…they’re playing to win! So pull your bloody fingers out!!!

Why is Rodney Eade sad? Actually, he wouldn’t be sad that his top-four side couldn’t beat a bottom-four side at home on Saturday…he would be freakin’ furious!!! This setback now has critics writing off the Doggies as a premiership threat this year but Eade has announced that he is in for the long haul. But will Aker be joining them next year? Not if he keeps dribbling from the mouth like he does

LostTooth

Well, Buddy won’t forget his 100th game in a hurry…former teammate Zac Dawson made damn sure of that!

Why are all the football-loving ladies sad? Lance Franklin’s face has been tainted! Buddy went goalless in his 100th game as his Hawks faced elimination from the finals race and lost his front tooth in a marking contest…that’s a shit day by anyone’s standards! But by the end of the weekend, the tooth was back and the finals, unbelievably, are still within reach. And the ladies still love him!

BuddyToothless

Hey ladies, where are you going? Why are you running the other way? No female runs from me!!!

GreenDockers

Are the Port Adelaide players more concerned about wearing matching speedos than making the finals? Sure looks that way to me!

Why is the number eight sad? It’s not because seven ate nine…nobody wants eight! The last spot in the finals is up for grabs and nobody wants it. Not Hawthorn…not Essendonnot Port Adelaide. It became so farcical that Caroline Wilson dared suggest on 3AW pre-game last Sunday that Richmond, mathematically, could still finish eighth! Of course, they promptly went out and did what Richmond always do. And now the Sydney Swans have a crazy, outside chance at the spot all of a sudden! And to think that one of these sides has to feature in the opening week of the finals…

BradshawDraw

Bradshaw goal! Bombers gone! Brain hurts!

Why am I sad? I’m sad because having been dealt the potentially season-ending blow of Essendon’s kick-after-the-sirem draw against Brisbane…what was I subjected to on Channel Seven’s Footy Flashback show on Sunday arvo?

PluggersPoint

1996…Plugger’s Point! Prelim lost! Brain hurts more!

The Games:

JuddAblett

Channel Seven pre-game gets all futuristic! But are Juddy and Gazza ‘combat ready’ to take on each other…

agent-smith-movie-wallpaper-800x600

Or are they teaming together to fight an army of Agent Smiths from The Matrix?

Whoah…Carlton just beat Geelong? Does this mean that after all this taking the piss out of the Blues for their 2009 marketing slogan, they might actually be coming now? Or are the Cats just going? It’s probably a little from column A and a little from column B…but Carlton’s win column says that they will play finals footy this year! How long until the prehistoric figure of John Elliott resurfaces, attempting to sell some boneheaded theory about how he played some type of role in this resurgence?

ZacDawson

From Hawk discard to undefeated Saint key defender…no wonder Zac Dawson is so pumped up!

Hey, whaddaya know? Despite a number of high-profile omissions, a fully committed effort from a confident, ladder-leading club proved to be too good for a bottom-eight side struggling for consistency and cohesion. Why are we all so surprised by this? Because all the mug punters out there dropped the Saints like hot spuds? Well…whoop-de-freakin’-do!  The Perfect Season is still a possibility and, according to the reigning premiership coach, the flag is a high probability. Never thought I’d say this about a team containing Twerp Milne but…good on ’em!

GriffinGutted

Yes Ryan Griffin, this shit is really happening!

The Bulldogs blew it big time against an improving Eagles outfit that is starting to benefit from exposing their young players to regular senior footy. Apparently, the fact that West Coast had not won interstate since Chris Judd left town was no issue…well, it sure ain’t one now!

LonerganBlunder

No, Sam Lonergan!! NO NO NO!!! SWEET JESUS NO, DON’T DO IT!!!

Lonergan’s blunder in the final twenty seconds allowed the Lions time to find Daniel Bradshaw in the goal square for the match-tying goal. While the draw proved a thrilling end to the match, coach Matthew Knights will be left cursing the one that got away. Sure, Knights can talk about the draw being part of the learning curve for his side…but take a look at the image below taken just after the final siren. Don’t tell me that Knights is whispering the words ‘learning curve’ under his breath!

KnightsPissed

You reckon this coach is thinking “Learning curve. Learning curve. Learning curve.”? No, neither do I…

LeonMark

Just another stock-standard off-balance one-grab mark for Leon Davis…

Who would have thought that anybody from outside of South Australia would love going to Adelaide so much? Collingwood return to Victoria with another interstate scalp and, thanks to the upstart West Coast Eagles, find themselves in third spot and what currently appears to be the preferred qualifying final opponent of second-placed Geelong rather that first-placed St Kilda.  It could have been the Crows who capitalised on the silly Doggies’ slip-up but now have to face up to their own lost opportunity.

DarrenCrocker

Wonder if Darren had a ‘Barry’ following too many post-victory drinks? Hey, it was his first win as coach – leave him be!

With Australia’s love of rhyming slang, the last thing you want is defeat after defeat when your name is Crocker! Fortunately, interum coach Darren Crocker can finally celebrate a win as the Kangaroos won for the first time in ages. Melbourne were so bad that the Herald Sun decided that they were not “t-wording”…they were just no good!

SwansKids

We all know that when you lose experienced players, clubs like to ‘play the kids’…but surely the Swans are taking this idea a little bit too far!!!

No, they are Michael O’Loughlin’s kids and guiding them through the banner was probably his toughest assignment for the day as Sydney celebrated Mickey O’s 300th with a comprehensive win over Richmond. While the Swans had every reason to feel good about their future, the Tigers went into ‘cultural crisis’ mode as Jade Rawlings called out the players for slipping into long-held bad habits. Benny Gale would understand that culture as well as anybody…so good luck to him. He’ll need it…

derrick4

This is the guy that inspired the Dockers – but he’s wearing red?

Port Adelaide could have virtually sewn up a finals spot with a win over lowly Fremantle. Of course, they cocked it up! The Dockers never looked like losing against the Power and it was all thanks to Mark Harvey and his pre-match motivation using a former NFL player that none of the players would have ever heard of. Derrick Thomas was a great player for the Kansas City Chiefs…but why didn’t he go choose a Minnesota Vikings player like Fran Tarkenton? At least they wear the same colours…

Tark

This is the guy they should have used – somebody who actually won lots of games wearing the colour purple!

Round Sixteen – Let’s Help Nathan Buckley Find A Job!

RobboArticle

Nathan Buckley is interested in coaching? He has kept that quiet…

Half Back Flanker would like to take this opportunity to apologise and correct what appears to have been a poor lapse in editorial judgement. It has become quite apparent that this site has failed to give due consideration to the importance of the future direction of Nathan Buckley’s football career. See…we have not really focused on this story a great deal – mainly due to the eight games of football played every week that kinda determine who makes the finals and wins the premiership. Yeah, you know…the football games. Clearly this is a total mistake and we are really very sorry.

The amount of discussion about Buckley’s future employment status has been freakin’ intense, even by AFL standards. Half Back Flanker could only resist for so long but the power of Buckley is too great! The media discussions that start with “I know everybody is sick to death talking about Buckley but…” and then talking about Buckley for 45 minutes! The man himself making media appearances, paid and unpaid, to announce that he will not discuss his position in the media! And the articles…the endless stream of articles! Not sure which one was the final straw for me – maybe it was this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one…or this one

So if it is Buckley we want (and clearly, this is all we want!) then it is Buckley we will get. Initially, I was hoping to concentrate on Andy D’s “What Tanking?” media campaign on the weekend. The big man on the AFL campus spoke to every radio station on Saturday afternoon to announce the League’s official position on the perception of teams being rewarded for losing and exploiting the priority draft system. His stance is this – unless a football club proves that ‘tanking’ exists by formally announcing that they are not trying to win games, then it does not exist.

Of course, we all know that a club would never, ever say that they are deliberately losing games. That does not mean it could never happen! And if you use the same ‘Andy D Logic’ for other issues in footy, like the prospect of playing football on Good Friday, it also makes little sense. “Um, we won’t play footy on a Good Friday until God proves that He/She would not be offended? So we have to wait until He/She materialises on this Earth and gives us the Thumbs Up? Or does Andy D require He/She to release a press statement?

BuddyChrist2

“Good Friday footy? Yes, you have my blessing! But only if Nathan Buckley is coaching one of the teams…”

Andy D’s woeful strategy of denial deserves more attention and scrutiny than it has received. But it won’t happen. And why is that? Nathan Bloody Buckley…that’s why!

BrayshawPissed

“Great, we are getting flogged by Richmond! Nathan Buckley will never want to coach us now…”

Luckily for James Brayshaw, his Kangas fought back for a draw. Will that effort help them snag Bucks? And if so, can they just do it quickly so we can all get on with our lives?

The Games:

BucksBooth

“Dennis…if you ask me one more time about ‘my new job’, I’ll be forced to apply some frontal pressure on you!”

Essendon did all they could to knock off the favoured Western Bulldogs in the pressurised, cauldron-like atmosphere of Whatshishead Stadium…but somebody must have lifted the lid at half-time and the Dogs ran over the top of the Bombers. Rodney Eade was saying the ‘F’ word after the match – fitness. Matthew Knights was probably saying the ‘F’ word during the game but afterwards, the only ‘F’ word he uttered was ‘footskills’…or a lack of them.

Nathan Buckley called this game as a commentator for Channel Seven and his in-depth analysis demonstrated why he is guaranteed to be a coaching great.

RattenCoaching

“Come on boys, we’ve gotta keep winning games and make the finals! Otherwise Nathan Buckley might think the Carlton job is available too!!!”

Carlton had not won three games in a row for a number of years but numerous high draft picks and a Chris Judd later, they have done it! It was one of the more disappointing days for Swans coach Paul Roos though Ted Richards didn’t have a lot of fun either!

Nathan Buckley called this game as a commentator for 3AW and his in-depth analysis demonstrated why he is guaranteed to be a coaching great.

Geelong’s worst losing streak in ages is finally over! The Cats can finally sing the club song again after two weeks of post-match silence with an easy win over Melbourne.For Dean Bailey, well…it was fun while it lasted!

Nathan Buckley watched the game tape in the early hours of Sunday morning and, based on his coaching philosophy, projected that he would have guided the Dees to a two-goal win had he been Melbourne coach for the day.

ClarksonSong

If the Pies kept winning, they couldn’t possibly replace Mick Malthouse as coach. So when Buddy, Clarko and Sammy sang loudly on Saturday night, Bucks might have joined in too…

Stopping Hawk Lance Franklin was supposed to be the main focus for Collingwood last Saturday night…which is great in theory. But the reality proved to be too tough and, all of a sudden, the Hawks are back in the finals race and looking dangerous.

Nathan Buckley watched the game from home, dressed in one of his old Magpie tracksuits, using the quarter time breaks to sprint down his driveway in preparation for running onto the ground to deliver stirring speeches to his players when he becomes a coach.

RainingFreo

The Dockers didn’t handle the rainy conditions well. No doubt Bucks has a kick-ass wet weather game plan…

Nine losses in a row now for Fremantle…though they were in front of Brisbane for a while, and Mark Harvey has a handy list of excuses on hand, so it’s not all bad. What would be bad is if some rookie other than Daniel Rich won the Rising Star award. Not even notoriously dodgy award voter Kevin Bartlett could selet anybody else but him…could he?

Nathan Buckley was very pleased to hear the result as his own coaching mystique is enhanced with every win rookie coach Michael Voss chalks up!

BradshawHammie

…and a thorough rotation system to avoid hamstring injuries to key veteran players!

PowerKit

Another new jumper for Port Adelaide? Did they deliberately make it look more ‘Collingwoody’…just in case Mark Williams quits and Buckley is still available?

Port Adelaide had no trouble beating the Eagles. West Coast had no trouble losing their 19th straight away game. Nathan Buckley has a soft spot for Port; having played there as a heavily mulleted teenager; but would have some trouble going back there to coach…well, he would be forced to grow back the mullet for a start!

RawlingsBrothers

“Sorry lil’ bro…but Bucks should come to the Tigers, not the Roos. Sure – I would lose my job but, come on…it’s Nathan Buckley!!!”

Wow – a draw! There really were no winners after the Tigers-Roos clash. Not the coaches. Not the players…especially those denied a potential match-winning shot at goal. But most importantly, the media couldn’t make the audacious leap that the winning team would be the best coaching option for Buckley!

The man himself called this game as a commentator for Channel Seven and while his in-depth analysis demonstrated why he is guaranteed to be a coaching great, he changed his mind on which club he would choose 18 times during the match and now needs another few weeks to ‘weigh up his options’!

KossieStrike

Clumsy Kossie cops a week…Bucks wouldn’t stand for that type of ill discipline!

Lemme get this straight…The Perfect Season remains alive for the Saints after they won their 16th straight game, rendering Adelaide helpless at times…and they think they are the underdogs heading into their next match? Wow…not even Nathan Buckley would attempt to sell such a crazy mind trick. Would he? Will we ever find out? Will we ever f*#@$ng shut up about Nathan  f*#@$ng Buckley?

Round Ten – A Series Of Perfect Tens

CousinsFinger

Ben Cousins filming the latest promo for One HD, Ten’s new 24 hour sports channel.

Ten was the magic number last weekend. St Kilda won its tenth straight game to start the season while Geelong matched them to also remain unbeaten after ten rounds of footy. They appear to be set on a collision course for round 14 in the biggest blockbuster game of the season…to be played in the smallest stadium in town. But fear not, footy fans – we will surely get to see the game live on TV…won’t we?

Channel Ten was the other big winner out of the weekend’s action when former Eagles champ Ben Cousins chose to vent his frustration with a single-fingered salute right down the barrel of a camera as he returned to play in Western Australia for the first time as a Tiger. Sure, Benny thought it was just a bit of fun but the League will want an explanation as they seem to have a different opinion on what exactly is fun….as we all know from years of questionable grand final entertainment!

WallaceResigns

Terry’s time up at Richmond? Wow, that came out of left field…never saw that coming.

Then there is our old friend Terry Wallace. Despite his struggling side recording a rare win on the weekend, he and the Tigers announced today that they are parting ways after Friday night’s clash with the Bulldogs. The conference can be read in full here but the general gist of it all was that the Tigers are somehow better off now (with an extra five years of failure) than when he began, that his coaching career is pretty much over and that he’s kinda sorry for what happened at the Bulldogs in 2002. I’m sure the Doggies fans can’t wait to express their gratitude to him on Friday night…

The Games:

FevGlass

Fev clearly doesn’t know how to perform a Pressed Ham against the Glass…maybe he’s asking the umpire how it’s done!

Did the hysteria about the poor play at Carlton get a little out of hand last week? Sure, the Blues did have their arses handed to them by Adelaide last week but you’d have thought they were level with Richmond on the ladder by the amount of whining. But a little siege mentality, including the fortnightly Robert Walls Carlton focus article, helped inspire them to ease past the Eagles at home on Friday night. West Coast are no longer making finals their priority…we think that is wise!

Brisbane score a solid away win against North Melbourne on the back of some exciting young players and their exciting young finals-talking coach. The Roos wasted no time delving into a comprehensive post-mortem…perhaps they can send an update to fans who spent most of the first quarter sampling the many seating options at Whatshishead Stadium. Sounds like a fun place to watch footy…

RoosPresser

One behind in a quarter? Think Roosy might kick 22 behinds this week at training!

The Western Bulldogs looked right at home in the nation’s capital of fireworks and pornography with a comfortable win over the Swans that places them at the head of the class for next-best underneath Geelong and St. Kilda. The Swans managed to keep Aker quiet (no mean feat…whatever the context of ‘keeping quiet’!) but it was not a great day for them. Maybe the ‘other’ Sydney team will have more luck up there.

WallaceWinner

Terry wants to celebrate a rare win so he finds a guy who knows how to party…

GuusCigar

…though perhaps he needs to learn from ‘Aussie’ Guus Hiddink…now that’s one guy who knows how to party!

It was always going to be a big game for Ben Cousins returning to the west…and didn’t he love being back in WA! Well, he and the rest of the Tigers were loving it when they scraped over the line against Freo in a thrilling finale. Mark Harvey’s side almost pulled off the win despite a multitude of injuries…yep, cue the debate for substitute players.

SaintsPlane

Samuel L Jackson just wants to get these mother-flippin’ Saints of this mother-freakin’ plane!

No disrespect to Melbourne (of course…) but St Kilda’s biggest issue this weekend was not the game but travelling amongst the dirty, swine-infected members of the general public. They all made it safely and took care of the Demons without a great deal of difficulty…though they did get a little cutesy. The Saints now look forward to winning the next three before the Geelong game while Dean Bailey will focus his team on losing to Collingwood next week.

Adelaide blew away the reigning champs in the first half to record another win at home…and may have just unearthed a new goal kicking hero in the process. Neil Craig was suitable impressed…Al Clarkson? Hmm, not so much! And does he think they will bounce back right away? No, not really.

BomberBanner

Shoulda turned back, boys…shoulda turned back!

May as well just recycle the reports from round two in 2008…Essendon received a comprehensive football lesson from Geelong with coach Matthew Knights planning to use this loss as a leaning aid for his players. The only point that is unique to 2009 is that while the Cats keep racking up wins and proving a point against all opponents, they are referring to St Kilda as the benchmark. Yeah, nice try…

A light tower loses power at the MCG on Sunday as Port Adelaide stink it up on the field, prompting all manner of kooky headlines… oh, delicious irony! The Pies blitz the Power in the second half and, after copping plenty of criticism a fortnight ago, now they are headed for the top four. In fact, Mike Sheahan has already chalked them up for another four wins during the next month…and he never gets it wrong, does he!

One Heck Of A Party! (The Lost Weekend)

A big win and the meat in a bald man sandwich…it was a dream night for Cam Mooney!

The Geelong Football Club were good but not quite good enough in 1989. And 1992…and 1994…and 1995! But after sweeping all before them in 2007, the Cats are looking likely to go all the way again after conquering their two nearest rivals in consecutive weeks! Hawthorn did create a fierce contest and deserve a lot of credit for making the Cats work hard for the win; though Clarkson blaming the umpires for the loss was not the smartest move…considering the inaccuracy of some of their forwards.

But the Cats and Hawks opened Party Like It’s 1989 round with an enthralling battle in front of a massive crowd at the MCG on Friday night but Geelong prevailed, as most people predicted. The rest of the round, however, was one unpredictable event after another! No fewer than five teams in the top eight lost on the weekend and St Kilda, who were again being touted as top four material, crashed to a shock loss to the equal-bottom side and tumbled out of the eight! Wow…we really knew how to party in the late eighties!

Upsets freakin’ galore…that was the theme of Party Like It’s 1989 round:

SATURDAY

The happiest moment of this young Bomber fan’s life!!!

SUNDAY

The Power fans talk with their feet…well, those that went to the game in the first place!

Relax Demons fans, Jimmy Stynes has found your new CEO…comedian Hamish Blake!

We’d all like Fev to jump in the Lake…but Carlton fans are loving him this week!

It Sucks Being This Good (The Lost Weekend)

Not Happy 

We let them kick six goals today, Bruce…I’m pretty pissed off right now!

What is it with these coaches who seem happier to win by one point rather than 100 points? Alastair Clarkson played down Hawthorn’s 104-point drubbing of Melbourne in round one, at pains to trot out the old “it’s only round one” line. Rodney Eade is similarly understated after the big win on Saturday…he seemed happier to rely on Nathan Bock missing a set shot to scrape through their opening round match!

Then yesterday, Geelong makes mincemeat out of Essendon in a frighteningly lopsided contest, prompting calls that the Cats are better than last year and everybody else should just give up now. Yet Geelong coach Mark ‘Bomber Cat’ Thompson only wanted to focus on how much his side had to improve! Well, that other team did kick a couple of goals here and there…you can’t have that! 

The Bombers actually thought they were half a show after running over the top of the Roos last week and Matthew Knights spoke about developing a ‘dare to win’ attitude with his side. Though when you ignore the best midfield in the business, you could be asking for trouble. In retrospect, he probably should have ‘double-dared’ them!

So having spanked the Bombers, what’s next for the mighty Cats? A home game at Skilled Stadium…against Melbourne. Forget the mere spanking, this could get pornographic! We are talking X-rated – if Demons Dean Bailey is looking to add some experience to his team, he should consider playing Paris Hilton!

In other results yesterday:

Coming up this week…

Western Bulldogs v St Kilda: The Saints have yet to lose a match of any kind this year – can they get over the 2-0 Dogs and set up a blockbuster with Geelong next week?

North Melbourne v Hawthorn: Both clubs should be thankful this game is not being played in Launceston!

West Coast v Fremantle: Two surly coaches, one hungry media pack – the off-field battle this week could be more intense than the on-field stuff.

Brisbane v Sydney: The two northern state clubs may each have derby matches of their own in the future…but the locals aren’t that impressed with the way the AFL has gone about it.

Essendon v Carlton: The Blues haven’t won since June 9th 2007 but even during this period of ‘rebuilding’, they are usually good for one beating of Essendon per year…usually in dramatic circumstances!

Geelong v Melbourne: Can we just call this game off now? Seriously, there’s no need to play it – just give both teams the weekend off and spare us all the embarrassment.

Richmond v Collingwood: Last week, it was the League officials – this week it’s the umpiring department. Honestly, why the hell is Mick Malthouse so pissed off all the time? Rich club, competitive team…is that not enough?

Adelaide v Port Adelaide: So the Power could be 0-3 if the Crows beat them this weekend? Wow, the Showdown may have just got a little more feral…if that is even possible!

The best of the weekend reading:

 

Who Said Coaching Is Hard? (The Lost Weekend)

Not Kevin 

Well done today boys… but next week, try not to call me Kevin, ok!

The Great Unveiling finished up yesterday with one of the bigger surprises of the opening round. The Kev-less and Hird-less Essendon faced a more experienced and battle-hardened North Melbourne and, having not beaten the Roos since 2001, lost non-handballing superboot Scott Lucas to injury and then fell behind by 27 points early in the second quarter.

World of trouble, right? But by full time, the Bombers had piled on 17 goals to three and Matty Knights was a coaching genius. Footy observers liked what they saw but a quick look at the draw reveals Essendon has a Sunday meeting with premiers Geelong. Enjoy your genius status for now Knighter…

Coming up this week…

Brisbane v Collingwood: A rare Friday night game from the rugby league state and Jono Brown needs help in front of goal. If the Broncos aren’t playing that night, perhaps they should give Darren Lockyer a call!

Melbourne v Western Bulldogs: Forget Brad Johnson’s late-game heroics – anything less than a ten-goal hiding this week would be a fairytale result for the Dees!

Adelaide v West Coast: The Crows may need to work on their interchange in order to avoid any final-minute Bock-ups this week.

Fremantle v Hawthorn: The Dockers look old and slow…maybe this week they will pick a guy who is in his early-to-mid twenties…

St Kilda v Carlton:The Saints should manage more than 51 points this week…and that’s just the first quarter alone! At least Juddy and Luke Ball can exchange dodgy groin stories while Riewoldt, Kossie and co. line up for goal.

Sydney v Port Adelaide: Will the Swans persist with the controversial “tunnelling” tactic? If it would help the viewers stay awake during a Swans game, we are all for it!

Geelong v Essendon: After Monday’s result, this game just got a whole lot more interesting…but that could change quickly once the Cats get stuck into the young Bombers.

Richmond v Kangaroos: It’s the Eureka game– well, that will be the cry if the Tiges actually manage to win two games in a row. Kevin Bartlett might have still been playing the last time they did that!

A quick stroll down Media Street: