Tag Archives: Mick Malthouse

The Best Case Scenario! (Septocemia – 2009 AFL Finals Series)

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GoldenCat

Imitation is usually the best form of flattery…but not down at the Cattery!

So much for that whole ‘excruciating pressure‘ theory! Septocemia 2009 will have the best possible finale as the two best teams in the competition will face off in the AFL Grand Final. Sure, we love a Cinderella story…but if it happened to involve Collingwood, that sure is one ugly Cinderella!

Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that.  St Kilda squeaked past the Bulldogs on Friday night but Geelong roared its way in by making an absolute mess of Collingwood to qualify for a third straight premiership decider. The Cats produced close to their best football on the big stage with their star players stepping up when it mattered most.

The Pies can talk about the experience being good for their group but this club has played finals in each of the past four years, with at least two finals in the last three Septembers. How much more experience do they want before they show some true substance?

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Look – photographic evidence that All-Australian Leon Davis actually got a touch in a finals game! Cue the Bronx cheers from Magpie fans…

Whether the intent of Mick Malthouse’s widely-discussed ‘pressure’ article was overblown is up for debate. But after this trouncing on preliminary final night, one thing is certain – few coaches will be under more pressure next season than Malthouse. Season 2010 will be his eleventh year in change and second last chance to ever win a premiership with Collingwood.

And he has to do it with a shattered group of players, including some alleged high quality guys who inexplicably disappear once the ‘August’ page flips over to the back of the calendar. And did we mention that his successor will be sitting in the office next door?

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Channel Ten gave us Hulk Hogan. Channel Seven gave us David Schwartz wearing tights. Advantage Ten!

While last night’s match lacked any drama or intensity after the main break, I won’t complain. The very thought of the Magpies winning a premiership freaks me right out so Geelong’s dominance after halftime was fantastic view ing for me and capped a dismal day for Collingwood, who were also flogged in the VFL prelim during the afternoon.

And it just gets better Magpie fans…because we can all sit back and relive Collingwood’s back-to-back grand final defeats to the Brisbane Lions on Channel Ten’s One HD! What a great way to get Grand Final week kick-started!!!

They Didn’t Go Marching In But The Saints Are There!(Septocemia – 2009 AFL Finals Series)

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Saint Nick’s knee holds up long enough for him to do this…

How about that! In a finals series that has already delivered high drama and some classic finishes, we got another oneThe Saints are in the grand final…but they were this freakin’ close to a shock exit. And if it wasn’t for inspirational skipper Nick Riewoldt, they wouldn’t have made it. It really is that simple. That dodgy knee of his is more valuable than gold right now!

You just knew it was going to end in heartbreak for one of these traditionally down-trodden clubs…but recovering from this will be a massive challenge for Rodney Eade’s men. That loss was so harsh that I can’t even find a way to make fun of loudmouth lair Jason Akermanis! As much as I love doing it, it just feels cruel right now, wrong even…

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The power of the red beard was not quite enough for Adam Cooney and the Dogs.

The Dogs dominated the opening quarter and could have built a more than handy lead if not for a couple of squandered opportunities. As a result, the Saints were able to stay in touch and slowly work their way to the front in the third term. Down by five points at three-quarter time, Brad Johnson put the Doggies back in front but it was the other captain that willed his side into the big one next Saturday afternoon.

Whether Johnson returns next season is yet to be determined but it would be a real boost for a wounded club to have that guy back next year.

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The hacks have quizzed Rocket every week about recruiting Barry Hall for 2010…imagine if David Schwartz asked him now!

And now we go through it all again tonight with the Cats and Pies and thank you Channel Ten…we can see it LIVE,  baby!  No Channel Seven again in 2009 so no more garden makeovers, no more tasty recipes, No Johanna Griggs and no watching Dr Harry feeding the fish…it’s finals action as it happens!!!

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Last night was Channel Seven’s grand final…and didn’t they deliver some high quality family fun!

SATURDAY NIGHT

Second Preliminary Final – MCG, 7:30pm (local): Geelong v Collingwood (TEN)

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Matthew Scarlett is hoping to keep his hair for one more week before launching into some post-season stupidity!

Fresh from a nice relaxing week off, Geelong will be buoyed by the inclusion of two vital cogs and now appear to have their strongest available team. Steve Johnson and his dodgy hip will be a bit of an unknown quantity so they need somebody like Tom Hawkins to get on the scoreboard. Cameron Ling is not feeling the pressure now but that might change if Dane Swan gets a few early touches!

Geelong’s Dodgy Headline of the Week: Ling Primed For Ding Dong With Swan! Hmmm…Ling Ding, Swan Dong?

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Settle Ed, it was just a semi final! Imagine if they actually won the flag!!! Actually, don’t do that…I dread the very thought.

It would have been difficult to forget about last Saturday night’s miracle win but, more importantly, Collingwood need to forget about what happened in round three! They have improved since then, says no-pressure Mick. How Scott Pendlebury’s broken leg has improved enough for him to play is beyond me…we’ll see.

Collingwood”s Dodgy Headline of the Week: Goldsack Wants Crack at Stevie J! All that’s missing is the defender reference so they could use the words back, crack and sack!

CATS by 19

Sorting The Wheat From The Crap (Septocemia – 2009 AFL Finals Series)

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The flowing long locks of Ryan Griffin – perfect product promotion for Garnier Fructis!!

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But Nathan Eagleton? Nah, not so much…

Septopia 2009 is all going to script so far. Top two teams in the prelim, bottom two teams on the drink. And now the Brisbane Lions can enjoy a nice shandy or two having been eliminated from the premiership race by the Western Bulldogs. While the game was quite physical at times, it lacked a lot of the tension we saw in three of the four matches last weekend…mainly because the result seemed assured from midway through the first quarter.

AkerSlammed

Relax everybody, Aker’s ok. But did anybody else kinda secretly enjoy this? Or was it just sadistic little ol’ me?

The Dogs didn’t allow last week’s setback to rattle them and the Lions just weren’t up to it. And that means the 2009 AFL Grand Final is now assured of having at least one participant with a legion of  long-suffering fans that have not seen a premiership for many decades. It’s the Saints and Dogs next Friday night – get ready for a barrage of emotional reportage!

But the early part of next week could well be dedicated to ‘Collingwood Stuffed Up…Again’ if tonight turns to disaster for the Pies. Either way, let’s hope for a less one-sided event than the slow inevitability of last night.

SATURDAY NIGHT

Second Semi Final – MCG, 7:30pm (local): Collingwood v Adelaide (TEN)

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Don’t worry Pies fans – that bloke on the left will help the bloke on the right next year.

Collingwood is not the most desirable place to be at the best of times but how sucky would it be if they were eliminated tonight? They lose some big names to injury as well, which usually spells danger but Pendlebury is the only one that will be tough to replace. Apparently Travis Cloke would really love Anthony Rocca out there but he is injured again…plus, doesn’t Travis realise that it is no longer 2002? Clokey has other things to worry about anyway…

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Geez, Adelaide are confident…the fans are giving Simon Goodwin a standing ovation as his teammates carry him to the airport!

And why wouldn’t they be! They are in great form and intend on sticking with what works…apart from some ‘fine tuning’ direct from Neil Craig mechanical coaching workshop. Adelaide bring back Shirley and, sorry Jeff Kennett, this will be the closest we ever get to a female playing AFL. The Crows may not run away with the win like they believe they can but timing seems right for a semi final upset.

CROWS by 9

Round Twenty Two – Well, Wasn’t That Fun!

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The League announced the finals schedule during an ad break on Channel Seven’s Dancing With The Stars

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…and it looks like Tim Watson grabbed one of the latin dancers from the show to help him!

And just like that, the AFL home-and-away season is done and dusted. It only seems like yesterday that Richmond was being destroyed by Carlton in the season opener, doesn’t it? Actually, no it doesn’t! Season 2009 has been so eventful and action packed that it has felt like this long-standing, never-ending provider of highlights, lowlights and bizarre occurrences. Hard to believe that it is now over…

But never fear, we have a finals campaign that will undoubtedly provide even more of the wonderful, the weird and the wackiness that we’ve come to expect from footy these days. And if round twenty two is anything to go by, this year’s finals series is going to be plenty wacky! It started with (yet) another deplorable showing from Richmond against a West Coast team that the Herald Sun flat-out accused of tanking in order to qualify for a priority draft pick yet ended up winning eight games and would have finished above Hawthorn had they snuck a ninth win! What chance they receive a well-deserved apology from the hacks? Hmmm, not great…

The round then finished with the Western Bulldogs winning by just enough points to leapfrog Collingwood into third spot on the ladder; meaning that they now face the (seemingly) more vulnerable Geelong and the Pies are relegated to fourth and a date with the (almost) all-conquering Saints. But it was the events on the Saturday afternoon of the final round that will be remembered for a very long time to come…

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Clearly Matthew Lloyd didn’t read any of those articles about the bump being dead last week. He should probably avoid reading the papers this week as well!

The playoff for eighth spot always promised to be memorable for one reason or another. And if you thought Essendon and Hawthorn hated each other before Saturday’s game…how about now! Bombers captain Matthew Lloyd’s attempt to exert some influence on the second half ended up with Brad Sewell ironed out on the ground, sparking a wild response from the Hawks that continued on after the match. This included coach Alastair Clarkson going off his nut as he left the ground and hardnut Campbell Brown talking all sorts of smack from the rooms.

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Pot-Kettle? Takes one to know one? Stones-Glass Houses? Own backyard? Call it what you like, they all seem to work in this case!

Essendon took charge in the second half to qualify for September, something Matthew Knights feels they deserve but it’s a view not shared by their opposition. For the Hawks, who lost control of their composure and the match following The Incident, it was a frustrating end to an equally frustrating season that saw them behind the eight-ball all year as they tried to defend their fine win in 2008. They will be back in 2010, and regardless of whether Mr Lloyd is still available, that first Hawks-Bombers match will be…emotional!

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Embarrassing yourself by going bezerk at the umpires while your wife/girlfriend/significant-other looks away and laughs at you! Don’t worry Jeff, it’s happened to all of us!!!

Essendon’s win left us with the potential of a blockbuster elimination final at the ‘G against Carlton. All the Blues needed to do was claim fifth place on Saturday evening…but no! Now both teams head interstate this weekend and will probably head home with their season over, free to drink as much alcohol as they can manage on the flight back! The Blues might feel they will be better off for banning three players for a spot of tardiness but what they really need is a mature response this week in an elimination final is Brisbane. Yep, a team with Brendan Fevola needs to show maturity…gulp!

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Cheer up, Micky O! What’s that? It’s your last game? Oh. In that case, cry away!

The final round of the season also gave us the opportunity to bid farewell to those who are giving the game away. This resulted in some emotional matches; particularly in Sydney for some premiership heroes, at Melbourne for some club stalwarts, and at Richmond…where most of them should probably give it away! Then again, maybe next year the Tigers can start to bounce back and gain respectability in the footy world again. There is always next year…

The Games:

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Jade Rawlings contemplates all those weeks of his life that he can never have back!

Good luck Dimma…you’re gunna need it! West Coast embarrass Richmond in the final game of the season to reinforce the massive task Damien Hardwick has in front of him. The cull has started already but there could be plenty more on the way out if Richmond are to become relevant again any time soon!

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Hardwick’s first move at Richmond? Installing a very large door…preferably extra wide!

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Brad Ottens is back for Geelong! That makes things interesting…

Geelong eased into another finals campaign in a dawdle against Fremantle at Kardinia Park, the most notable event was Brad Ottens not crumpling in a heap in his comeback from a long-tern knee injury. The Dockers can now prepare for 2010 where they will aim to improve their performances on the road and figure out whether it is worth holding onto Paul Hasleby.

And congratulations to Geelong’s Gazy Ablett on winning the Brownlow Medal! That’s what the Herald Sun online reckons…hang on a sec! Who is Gazy? Bit of a mix-up between the formal Gary and the nickname Gazza I suppose. But if you are going to spell a player’s name wrong, it probably shouldn’t be arguably the best player in the game…and one that actually works for your organisation!

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Let’s hope they get Gary’s name right on the medal…if he wins it, of course!

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As an Essendon supporter, can I just say – I love Michael Hurley!

First Buddy, then Bailey (poor kid!) and finally Brad Sewell…but the worst B-word for Hawthorn on Saturday was Bombers!  They all conspired against the Hawks as they went from premiers to outsiders in the space of eleven months. Essendon now have a finals campaign to prepare for and feel that they are not cannon fodder for the Crows. Mmm, not so sure about that…

Oh yeah…the game got a bit fiery too!

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As a football fan, can I just say – I love Cyril Rioli!

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This guy is over thirty and coming off a knee reco? That’s un-freakin-believable!!!

Carlton’s timing has been off all week. It started with three players missing a recovery session and being dropped from Saturday’s match and ended with the team missing a great opportunity to play their first final in ages in front of their home crowd. Adelaide crushed the Blues and looked scary good in the process…no wonder Neil Craig and co. are thinking big things!

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This would be mark of the year most seasons. But thanks to the Birdman, it wasn’t even the best grab we saw that day!

Space was the final frontier in Star Trek but Michael Voss is probably not into all that sci-fi bulldust! For him, Sydney was the final frontier…which his team has now conquered! The Lions crashed the Swans farewell party and set up a big gathering of their own at the Gabba next weekend against Carlton. Retiring Swan Michael O’Loughlin thinks that his club will never bottom out…they can’t afford to!

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Is it just me or is Mark Williams a little bit too excited that these two veterans are calling it quits?

Port Adelaide are no St Kilda but the Kangaroos managed a second tight upset win in succession…though it is hard to classify any win over Port as an upset these days. In front of very few fans, the Power tried to lift for their retiring stars but still couldn’t stop the determined Roos in the final minutes. They can feel dudded by a late fifty-metre penalty awarded against them if that makes them feel better…but the call was right so it’s a waste of time!

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The St Kilda doctor stood next to Nick Riewoldt all day just in case he got hurt. Thumbs up…he’s OK!

All St Kilda wanted to do was run around on the MCG and not get hurt. Mission accomplished…we think. Melbourne wanted to celebrate their retiring champs…just not with a win. They didn’t and they now have access to the best two kids in the country. Forget Robbo, Wheatley and Whelan…the players should have chaired off Tom Scully after the match!

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They had the game in the bag but Jonno’s late goal gave the Doggies third spot!

It was a footy statistician’s wet dream! Two good teams fighting for ladder position and it went down to the final minute…it was the Western Bulldogs who claimed the prize and head into September choc full of confidence. Will slipping to fourth on the back of this effort cost Collingwood dearly? Mick Malthouse hopes the loss will be a wake-up call for his side. Personally, I hope they don’t get the wake-up call until it’s too late – Betts-Garlett-Cloke style!

Thank Goodness. I Was So Worried… (Media Street)

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WHY SO SERIOUS? Gee, life at Collingwood is going to be one big barrel of laughs for the next five years, isn’t it?

Now we can all get on with our lives! You know how anxious I was getting about the future of Nathan Buckley. I thought he would never find a job. But we can all relax now – we know what Bucks is going to do for the next five years…well, sorta.

Both he and Mick Malthouse have signed five-year deals with the Magpies with Malthouse remaining as senior coach for two more seasons and Buckley starting off as an assistant…though Eddie McGuire and friends will probably invent a much more important sounding title for Bucks. Football Intelligence Coordinator, perhaps? Vice President of Onfield KPI Production? Director of Training Fluid Replenishment?

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And the crowd goes wild! The gathered media could barely contain their excitement!!!

Despite some nasty cynics suggesting that Malthouse would struggle accepting this type of succession plan, he appears happy to step aside for Bucks to take the helm. Though it could be a case of Mick being so stressed out about his contract negotiations that he was prepared to agree to anything! What he does for the remaining three years has yet to be fully sorted out…Football Overlord? Executive Producer of Monotone Press Conferences? Guess the Pies can make it up as they go along…apparently that is what ‘prototype’ means!

Opinions will vary greatly about the decision. Is this a footballing masterstroke? Will it turn into one big stinky pile of poop? But we shouldn’t be that surprised…this is the Collingwood way, after all!

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The off-kilter tie. The shirt that doesn’t match. There is your Channel Nine exclusive…Tony Jones dresses in the dark!

Maybe that was little harsh on Tony Jones. It must have been a busy day yesterday – you know; with the press conference, recording and filing news reports and, most importantly, writing grovelly, suck-hole articles about how the guy that once ran his TV network is a freakin’ genius! But, in all honestly, it appears to be a great arrangement for all parties involved and Magpie fans should be delighted with this.

However, there is just something about the thought of Eddie McGuire’s wildest dreams coming true that makes me want to mix Red Bull and Stilnox together, drink it to excess and hope I forget the whole thing is even happening! Apparently, it works a treat

Where Injuries Are Always An Excuse! (Geekin’ Out – Fantasy Footy)

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The Ablett groin injury has affected many fantasy coaches this season. Not me! But I have enough problems of my own…

There are no excuses for defeat in the real world of AFL. It doesn’t matter how many injuries you have, you get pumped by your opponent and you feel the heat. Ask Collingwood! But, as Mick Malthouse says ad nauseum whenever his Pies are missing players, it’s all about pitting the best twenty-two players you have available against their best twenty-two. Sure – he craps on quite a bit after a loss…but he doesn’t make excuses.

Well, it doesn’t quite work that way in fantasy footy. Along with many other fantasy coaches, injuries are having a major effect on results over the past couple of weeks. It started with Andrew Raines in round one but other fantasy favourites like Gary Ablett, Hayden Skipworth, David Hille, Brent Harvey, Luke Hodge, Shaun Higgins, Paul Chapman and most Collingwood players are leaving plenty of sides unable to field a full team.

And while both our AFL Dream Team and Herald Sun Super Coach squads were short between one and three players last round, it didn’t really impact too greatly in league play. Three wins from our four leagues and progression in the Dream Team Eliminator competition was a fair result considering my personnel problems. The big question is…will we be able to field a full line-up this weekend? We have been keenly awaiting team selections to find out and things are looking good for Higgins, Chapman and Ziebell. But there are also a couple of youngsters that would give our teams a boost that need to be purchased this week before they increase in value.

Also, forgot to mention that the live draft for my Premium Dream Team has been held but the opening round for the league is next weekend. Once we get through this round and (touch wood!) our players stay out of the medical room, we will reveal our team as we have another shot at Premium-style glory!

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Amazingly, Courtenay Dempsey is one player who has not missed a single game and his 97 helped us to a win in the SENFrank league! Now for some consistency please…

Dream Team 14,919 points overall, 24,307th place – down slightly, amazed it wasn’t slightly more…

Last Week: 1,761 points – second worst weekly tally of the season. So much for getting better as the season goes on!

League Results

Public League – defeated Spartans (1,592). The team with the least injuries won…

SENFrank01 – defeated Doctor Pink (1,717). Second straight win in this league…on an injury ravaged roll!

Twitter DT – lost to D Team (2,141). Guess which of my opponents had a full team…and quite a good team at that!

Eliminator – defeated Bob Neill Allstars (1,492). Survived three rounds now but any further would defy our overall ranking. Could be our last hurrah.

Ladder Positions

Public League – 1st place (5-0, 145.73%)

SENFrank01 – 10th place (2-3, 96.32%)

Twitter DT – 9th place (3-2, 98.63%)

Good:  Only five 100-plus scores but Pavlich (146) and Judd (130) produced big ones. Next best with a score of 97…Courtenay Dempsey. Has played every game this year without breaking something and can hopefully show more consistency as the season wears on.

Bad: Depleted forward line with three injured and Taylor Walker and Mitchell Brown combining for just 61 points. Having elected to hold onto Andrew Raines after his knee injury, his return resulted in a measly 39.

Ugly: Chad Cornes at home against Richmond sounded like a good choice as captain but his 77 points was 13th best in our team, Pavlich more than doubling Chad’s output. Bad choice…

Next opponents:

Public League – 2nd placed Fats Rockets (1,810 last week). Top of the table clash between what appears to be the only two teams that give a darn in this league!

SENFrank01 – 9th placed jays team  (1,628 last week). They should do better this week if Ziebell and Houlihan play but a win could see us crack the top eight and maybe leapfrog Francis Leach.

Twitter DT – 14th placed Mcilvena (1,617 last week). Could have Didak, Higgins and Ziebell back this week so another loss is a real possibility

Eliminator – The Zacs (1,922 last week) An overall ranking of 932…yep, we’re in trouble!

Potential changes/trades: Melbourne’s Jack Grimes is a prime candidate for our back line and with Jared Petrenko’s status as a regular senior player in doubt, a trade would be great. Problem is…we don’t have enough cash in the cap to cover the difference. We can’t see West Coast’s Mitchell Brown gaining much more value from here and a swap for Collingwood’s Steele Sidebottom would free up enough cash for Grimes. That would be ten trades down already…gulp!

Captain: Leaning towards Bryce Gibbs as he returns to his hometown for a date with the Crows, though Goddard at home against Brisbane and Pendlebury running around at Subiaco are not bad options either.

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Jimmy Bartel has stepped up in lil’ Gazza’s absence for Geelong…so why didn’t I make him captain last week?

Super Coach 16,130 points overall, 27,567th place – also up a little, also slightly miraculous

Last Week: 1,937 points – a full squad would have seen us top 2,000…but not by much!

League Results

GMHBA – defeated Damo’s Dropkicks (1,851). Also a couple of players short but we did well enough for a third straight win.

Ladder Positions

GMHBA – 2nd place (4-1, 116.76%)

Good:  Eight 100-plus scores, including the captain Dean Cox (113). But good could have easily been great with Pavlich (150) as skipper…or amazing if it was Jimmy Bartel (184)!

Bad: Stephen Hill and Taylor Walker in the 30’s plus Brent Reilly, Shane Mumford and Heath Grundy in the 50’s. Won’t challenge for league honours with scores that low from mid-priced and rookie players.

Ugly: Having Ziebell and Higgins out of the forward line was bad enough but then losing Chapman on Saturday as well was awful. If all three are back this week, and Skipworth not far away, we are suddenly sitting pretty up forward.

Next opponents:

GMHBA – 8th placed Buddy’s Boys  (2,078 last week). Provided we have 22 players this week, this should be a really close contest.

Potential changes/trades: Still have over 400 grand in the cap, which we were planning to sit on for the moment as we decide on an elite midfielder to bring in. And Mumford has put up ok numbers while increasing his value by 110 grand, though we will wait until Brad Ottens is back before cashing Mumford in.

One definite move we will make this week is for Grimes, who is averaging 100 points from his two games. To think we can trade for him with Jared Petrenko and receive some change, that’s a great deal! The other potential move could be the trading of Brent Reilly, who was originally dropped this weekend by the Crows before receiving a late reprieve. Do we trade him now for an elite like Dal Santo or Sewell or bring in Hawk Ben McGlynn? He has averaged 97 in two starts and if we get him now before his price rise, this would see us make an 100 grand for the cap.

Captain: Hard to go past Dean Cox running rampant at Subiaco though I like Bartel and Chapman to have big games on Friday night against the Dogs.

Round Eight – Give Us A Cuddle!

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Collingwood’s season is TEETING? Nice work by the Herald Sun! Sure, most people think that the Pies suck at the moment but teeting could be going a little too far…

Wow, it was probably confusing enough that journo Mark Robinson described Collingwood’s indifferent season as “teetering, a whiff from being pole-axed by the winds of mediocrity, uncertainly and the unlucky”. Um…what the f&!# does that mean exactly? No wonder the person responsible for providing the headline for this online article used the word “teeting”. With an opening sentence like that, the heading writer probably thought that teetering must have been a typo as it was the only part that made any real sense! Gotta love the Herald Sun, don’t you?

Ah….don’t you?

Speaking of love, there was plenty of it on display during round eight. Not the distatsefully outnumbered NRL version of love – no, in the nice way. Buddy Love had his admirers out in force at Subiaco, Carlton dished out some tough love on the Pies, Jason Akermanis is loving his own work so much that he wants to play forever and Mike Sheahan is having lusty thoughts about the young Bombers!

But surely the image that captured the love best was this young couple up at Sydney’s ANZ Stadium during the Swans-Eagles match…

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Well, if this goes on during a close, thrilling contest like the Swans-Eagles game, imagine what would happen if the match was a one-sided blowout!

Honestly, there has been way too much stadium talk this season. Not without reason though, with some less fortunate Melbourne clubs suffering at the hands of the MCG and Whatshishead Stadium due to poor financial returns and now Visy Park is being considered as a viable third option in the future. So it’s great to show an image that highlights all that is good about going out to the footy and having yourself a great time…up the back of the grandstand while nobody is watching!

The Games:

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Ok, Buddy might be a nice looking lad but come on ladies…where are the ‘Marry Me Roughy” t-shirts?

Alright, ‘fess up…who else out there tipped Fremantle to beat the team that won the premiership last year? Wrong! Sure, the Hawks have injuries all over the shop and yes, the game was in Perth. But one team is a proven winner…the other is not! And I fell for it again!!! I feel so ashamed…

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Just how valuable is Gary Ablett? Well, it looks like he has police protection wherever he goes!!!

Eight matches for Geelong in 2009 and eight wins…this time a 70-point snoozer against “El Norte de Melburne Canguros” – which is how you say “the North Melbourne Kangaroos” if you are from Argentina! The Roos again wore their Argentine inspired clash strip and they performed just like Diego Maradona…you know, after he was wasted on cocaine and required gastric bypass surgery because he was obese! And, by the way, the best player in the comp should be back in the Cats line-up next week. Gulp!

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Not the best day for the Dogs, barely scraping past Melbourne and losing Robert Murphy to injury. At least Murph can dedicate the next few weeks to his writing…

The result was as expected but the Dogs were not super impressive in defeating Melbourne, who are pretty good at the whole honourable loss thing…now to take the next step into ‘win’ territory. It took a typically smartarsey performance from Jason Akermanis to get the Dogs home – now he wants to keep playing after this season. Sorry but this is the high definition television era…that two-tone head just shouldn’t be broadcast in HD!!!

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Kieran Jack looks as excited as that lovey-dovey couple up the back of the grandstand after kicking the winning goal for the Swans!

What is it with Sydney and West Coast? They just know how to turn on a thriller and they did it again on Saturday night. And this time the hero was young Swan Kieran Jack, the son of rugby league legend Gary Jack…making him the most positive result from a league player having sex! Paul Roos seemed pleased with the win and the contribution from maligned forward Barry Hall while John Worsfold is trying to focus on the positives…one being that Hall didn’t thump Brent Staker in the head this year!

Well, it was kinda boring for a while and one of his players broke his jaw but rookie coach Michael Voss doesn’t give a crap what you think because his team won. Brisbane win their third in a row as they beat the Crows at home and if you could predict the typical cliche that a football coach from Adelaide would use in defeat, it surely be that his side was ‘found wanting’! Well, ‘wanting’ can be pretty hard to find…

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Hey, it’s Warren Tredrea winning the match for Port Adelaide…and this wasn’t from 2004, it was yesterday!

Damn, hasn’t Warren Tredrea come back from the dead this season! And they needed him at his best yesterday as he kicked seven goals and took a match-saving mark as Port snatched a dramatic victory over the luckless Richmond. Terry Wallace showed plenty of composure during the week by not smacking that dumbass Channel Nine jouro in the face…shame his side couldn’t keep their cool yesterday!

ElderlyPies

And just when these poor elderly Collingwood supporters thought their afternoon couldn’t get any shittier…now they are being harangued by Ricky O on live TV! Poor dears…

To the joy of many, Collingwood’s season is going downhill fast! Coach Malthouse is trying not to blame the injury toll, though they just keep on happening, and likes the spirit with which his side plays. Still, they never looked like beating Carlton, even with a second straight no-show from Fev. And with every week that Malthouse loses and Michael Voss wins, the Nathan Buckley coaching speculation will just get nuttier and nuttier!

Look at all the love pouring in for Essendon. They were brave! They made St Kilda bleed! They impressed Ross Lyon…not to mention Mr Sheahan! Um, St Kilda led the entire match to win their eighth straight with three days less to prepare than an opponent with nothing to lose. That’s not bad either, you know…