Tag Archives: new Gold Coast franchise

Round Eighteen – Limping To The Finish Line

SimpsonOver

“Shit! It’s all over…oh well, never mind. Beer?

The business end of the 2009 AFL season is here and those teams that harbour finals and/or premiership aspirations are busy plotting their course for September. But for clubs that are struggling with injury and/or no hope of finals action, the last remaining weeks of the season will be tough work. But before these players start throwing in the towel to focus on what dress to wear on Mad Monday, they should spare a thought for blokes like Kangaroos veteran Adam Simpson.

SimpsonCalf

And TWAAAANG goes the calf muscle!!! At least Adam Simpson’s final ever training session was memorable…

Simpson announced his retirement early last week with his final game to be played on the Friday night against Carlton. Problem was…he injured his calf at his final training session, a mere 24 hours before the Roos were due to play! This didn’t stop Simpson from taking his place in the side and although Carlton managed to spoil the party, Simmo’s effort to play was clearly the highlight of the night.

OttensAlive

Hang on, that looks like…no, it couldn’t be…Yes, it is! It’s Brad Ottens playing football!!!

The mighty Geelong Cats may appear to be limping towards the finals yet they keep finding ways to win. But a rare Brad Ottens sighting was probably even bigger news than the victory – whether he plays in September, or just how good he will be, is still unknown but the Cats sure do need him!

RichoSidelined

Richo’s comeback game consisted of nine minutes of footy and a couple of hours of sitting around.

Is Matthew Richardson limping towards the finish line of his AFL career? His comeback game for Coburg in the VFL didn’t go so well and for a guy who is 34 years old, out of contract, coming off major hamstring surgery and playing at an unsuccessful club looking for a new senior coach, showing he can still play AFL right now is pretty damn important, yes? So when Herald Sun hack Mark Robinson rants about how Richo shouldn’t bother trying to play again in ’09 on Channel Seven’s AFL Game Day show on Sunday morning, what was the response from fellow panelist and former Tigers coach Terry Wallace?

RobboWallace

If only there was somebody with just the tiniest amount of knowledge about Tigerland that could help Mark Robinson understand why Richo needs to play again this year. Anybody? Anybody that might just be sitting next to him?? Anyone whose name rhymes with Jerry Schmallace???

Nothing! Nada! Zip! You could hear crickets in the background! When Terry is forced to explain why his time at Richmond went to crap, you can’t shut him up on how all the decisions at Tigerland (made by people other than him, of course!) contributed to his lack of success. But a situation with a guy he actually coached for four-and-a-half years and was directly involved in the decision on how Richo should approach his comeback (because he was the actual coach when the injury occurred) yet he has absolutely nothing to say about this? Is this why he just walked into media gigs within minutes of being sacked? How does this even happen???

KarmichaelKicks

Rugby league player Karmichael Hunt kicks that funny-shaped red football at Broncos training. Looks like he needs all the practice he can get…

But the club that is currently limping towards (or out of) the finals race which is the biggest surprise? Is it Hawthorn? Is it Essendon? No…try the Brisbane Broncos! They just copped the biggest hiding in their illustrious history and are in danger of missing the NRL finals…for the first time since 1991! But I’m sure the Broncos players are going all out to win and are not distracted with kicking AFL footballs at training because their young star is leaving the code to join the new AFL franchise on the Gold Coast. This kind of thing happens all the time…no, wait! It hasn’t happened before? Hmmm…

The Games:

PetrieShattered

Cheer up, Drew Petrie…at least you get to play another game next week! What about poor Simmo?

When Carlton play on a Friday night, two things usually happen – Robert Walls writes (yet) another article about the Blues and they get beaten. This time only one of those things happened…and there was no way Wallsy could write about anybody else! The Blues spoiled the Adam Simpson party though it was far from convincing or attractive. In fact, the Roos could quite easily have claimed victory and placed Carlton’s finals hopes in real jeopardy. They will probably make it now…but will they be any good once they get there?

JohnnoRecord

Brad Johnson claims the Bulldogs games record from Chris Grant…while that old bloke in the background is still pissy that he doesn’t hold it because he was sacked and forced to finish his career at Fitzroy!

It was Brad Johnson day for the Western Bulldogs and his teammates sure didn’t let him down. They didn’t let Lindsay Gilbee down either, standing up for him on what must have been a tough, tough afternoon! Fremantle weren’t too concerned with their lack of success at Whatshishead Stadium…as they have little success wherever they go!

CatsExcited

You think these Cats are happy about the win? Just wait until Cam Mooney joins in…he lurves a good man-cuddle!

The Adelaide Crows went to the regional centre of Geelong looking for a genuine footy scalp and a top-four spot. They almost got it…if only they knew how to stop those baldies! These Cats might be thin up top and down back for the moment but they are working together to earn wins and second spot behind the undefeated Saints is a great place for them to be.

ShatteredCrows

No four points, no big scalp, no long-term memory. Can somebody help these Crows take off their boots? They all seem to have forgotten how to do it!

DidakDives

Alan Didak takes an overly-dramatic dive to try and con a free kick from the umpires

rivaldo

…which was more reminiscent of Brazil’s Rivaldo than Aussie Rules…

DidakLoser

…yet the Brisbane Lions guy is a loser? Seriously??? Pot – Kettle!

With The Big Announcement and a ninth win from ten matches, Collingwood are back to their smart-arsy best and are setting themselves for the top four. The Lions looked primed for the upset after Browny’s accidental head clash left Simon Prestigiacomo groggy but the skipper struggled after the main break when he had anywhere between three and five defenders pushing back on him. If only Jono Brown had another big forward to help him out

KingShoulder

Um, your shoulder is probably not meant to do that! But, in typical St Kilda-2009 good fortune, Steven King was able to keep playing.

I tipped Sydney to knock off the Saints, ending the quest for The Perfect Season and possibly becoming the only tipster in Australia to pick all eight winners for the round. The Swans lost by one lousy point! And St Kilda’s season has been so outrageously blessed that The Age is now writing feature articles about that little twerp Milne!!! I’m so depressed…

MickeyOMiss

Mickey O misses a sitter that might have cost his side the upset of the season, and my perfect tipping round. Yep, thanks for that…

TigerSandwich

Jade Rawlings learns something new about Richmond in the dramatic win over the Dees…Nathan Brown prefers to be on top!

Dean Bailey could barely believe it…and neither could I! Richmond managed a great escape with the win over Melbourne courtesy of a goal after the siren from Jordan McMahon. Coach Rawlings knew that McMahon would be fine taking the match-deciding kick despite his regular displays of bad decision making…highlighted by his decision to leave the Western Bulldogs for Richmond two years ago!

RickyOAdelaide

Perhaps Channel Seven showed this match in ten-minute delay in case Ricky Olarenshaw’s head overheated during his hyper-speed quarter-time summaries!

There must be a logical explanation as to why Ch.7 would bother broadcasting the Port Adelaide-Hawthorn match into Melbourne with a slight delay…or is Adelaide further behind the time than we realise? Otherwise, we live in a world where dickheads like Kyle and Jackie O broadcast live when they need a delay (actually, they need new jobs!) but the biggest sport in Australia is not ‘live’? Crazy!!! Anyway, Port Adelaide won and find themselves in the top eight…well, for this week at least.

EaglesRookie

A first-gamer kicking goals to help the Eagles win? Forgive Callum Wilson for he knows not what he does!

What? The West Coast Eagles won? But aren’t they meant to be ‘tanking’? Well, yes…if you paid any attention to lazy hack journos who throw out the ‘T’ word willy-nilly with no substantial thought behind it. There is clearly a problem rewarding defeat with a priority draft pick but  when you lose by less than a kick in round 17, it’s not ‘tanking’. And when you beat a top-eight side (at the time of the opening bounce) to register a fifth win for the season, giving up your entitlement to the priority draft pick, it’s not ‘tanking’ either. Using the ‘T’ word inappropriately actually helps Andy D with his ‘media beat-up’ argument! Maybe those guys at the Herald Sun are just struggling a bit themselves…limping to the finish line, perhaps?

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Round Fourteen – Saints Defeat Cats, Now Face Connor MacLeod!

ConnorMacleod

Only decapitation from the blade of the Highlander stands between St Kilda and immortality! Or they might lose to the Doggies…

There can be only one…undefeated team left!

GardinerMark

And that team is…St Kilda! The Saints survived in an epic contest at Whatshishead Stadium. Thirteen wins each, two months of anticipation and no shortage of hype but the game delivered everything we all expected…perhaps more! An amazing start, great fightback from the Cats and a grandstand finish. How crazy will the build-up be to this year’s grand final if both these teams make it…please let it happen!!!

There can be only one…reigning premier – but not for long!

MitchellShattered`

The Hawks are stuffed.

There can be only one…Tom Cruise!

CruiseFooty

And he was at the footy on Friday night to take in some of the action between the Pies and Bombers. Katie Holmes was there too…she spent the night trying to find a back exit or open window from which she could escape! Run Katie – run for your life!!!

There can be only one…Jim Stynes!

StynesJumper

The former Demons star and club president faces a tough battle having been diagnosed with cancer. His team put in a performance on the weekend that befitted the emotional week for all involved at Melbourne…unfortunately, this type of performance is a rarity for the Dees.

There can be only one…Kevin Sheedy!

SuperSheedy

The highly predictable campaign to make Sheeds the next coach of Richmond was officially launched last week after the crushing loss to St Kilda. Of course, all his supporters appear to be aged 50 or above…and his campaign manager is a guy who was so out of touch with the coaching caper twenty years ago, he got the flick from Tigerland and refused to go near the place until recently. As great a coach as Sheedy is and/or was, do any of these old dudes realise it is almost the year 2010 now?

There can be only one…most glamorous WAG?

WAGSurvey

According to the Herald Sun’s annual footy survey, these are the types of questions us footy fans really want to know the answers to. Now I know that this particular media outlet is designed to entertain us rather than inform us so there is no point taking it seriously. But honestly…shit like this is just a waste of f@&$#ng time, isn’t it?

There can be only one…Channel Seven!

Plugger91

A flashback to a classic Geelong-St Kilda match…the perfect lead-in to yesterday’s blockbuster. But what did CH7 show before this?

RevengeNerds

Yep, nothing helps builds the anticipation for a massive game of footy like…Revenge Of The Nerds 4!!!

There can be only one…Terry Wallace!

WallaceMedia

How the hell does Terry Wallace get flooded with offers from all forms of media after his disastrous tenure at the Tigers? And is there anybody less qualified to comment on what Richmond should be doing right now than the guy who just actually effed it up over five years?

The Games:

FraserGoal

Magpie fans celebrate as ruckman Josh Fraser plays well and doesn’t even dog it once! Suck on that, Grant Thomas…

Well, Anzac Day seems like a lifetime away now, doesn’t it!  And nice to see our beloved media hacks working Tom Cruise references into their work as best they could! That’s right – Collingwood Cruised to victory against Essendon to open round 14 action, leaving Matthew Knights to pick up the pieces and keep Essendon in the finals hunt. At least Mark McVeigh will be fresh for the next match…unless Dean Solomon is back in town this week!

PregameDees

Alright, which of you blokes have stolen the footys? We only have two and can’t afford to buy any more. Just give ’em back, will ya’s?

Yes – Melbourne finally had a win! Yes – they did it for Jim Stynes! And yes – they showed the passion and commitment to make their supporters proud on such an emotional day! But, come on – they were playing an equally crap team who have barely won outside of Perth since Chris Judd left town. If they couldn’t win this match, then there was no hope for this club whatsoever…

BrennanCarr

It will cost him a few weeks but for what he did to Josh Carr, on behalf of the AFL world, I say…thank you Jared Brennan!

Gee, the Power must really love Mark Williams! In the first game since they learnt that Choco would be given the opportunity to coach on at Port Adelaide, his team blitzed high-flying Brisbane in the final quarter and dragged themselves back into finals calculations. So how did they do it? They prepared…now that’s a handy tip!

ThumbsUpRocket

Wow, a rare smile and a big thumbs up from Doggies coach Rocket Eade! But who is he copying…Barry Hall or Arthur Fonzarelli?

Bulldogs – awesome! Hawthorn – shit! Probably no need to elaborate much more on this one…

FoleyBoot

Surely you don’t need to employ Kevin Sheedy as your coach to teach players where your footy boots are meant to go. Um, Nathan Foley…try your feet!

Up at Carrara Stadium, Adelaide scored a relatively comfy win over Richmond. Local boy Kurt Tippett showed a liking to playing footy in Queensland with five  goals for the winners. Wonder if he has heard about this new team that will be starting up on the Gold Coast soon?

MickeyO

Micky O’Loughlin whoops it up after kicking the sealer. He only has a couple of months left so let him lap it up while he can!

Whether this was Sydney’s first taste of life without Barry Hall has yet to be determined. If so, it appears that it will be a struggle. But the Swannies did win a close one against North Melbourne that keeps them within reach of the finals. But let’s face it…without the prospect of witnessing a Bazza brainsnap, who really wants to see Sydney feature in September action anyway?

StevieJOut

Steve Johnson out? Guess it is too late to change my tip…

What a freakin’ game!!! What a freakin’ game!!! What a freakin’ game!!!

CarltonYellows

The famous old dark…yellows? No, seriously…THAT is the Carlton team. They actually played in that!

Fremantle and Carlton played last night? Really? With all the excitement of the St Kilda-Geelong game, I totally forgot! Apparently, the yellow team won

Round Seven – Mind Your Head!

TigerCarnage

Shit…it actually hurts just looking at them, doesn’t it!

Damn! I’m still wincing from the sight of Richmond’s Alex Rance and Brisbane’s Troy Selwood clashing heads at the ‘G on Saturday afternoon…that shit was nasty! Selwood was knocked into next week, had to be assisted off the ground and sat out the rest of the game. He was the lucky one.

Rance was stretchered from the field and taken straight to hospital, his freaked-out parents by his side. The young Tiger came away with a fractured cheekbone but should be back in a few weeks to put his head in dangerous places once again.

Another bloke who continually puts his head in a dangerous place (that is, out in public), is Rance’s current coach Terry Wallace. Richmond lost again, the Pretty Picture Paper tried to get him sacked immediately and some knob from the nufty factory that is Channel Nine questions whether he even gives a shit about his job any more.

WallaceKnob

How Terry walked away without slamming this Channel Nine reporter’s head in the door is beyond me…

What fine journalism by the young brainiac who did the football media equivalent of leaving a burning paper bag filled with dog poo on the Punt Road door step, knocking on the door and running away. But on that form, he is destined to become the next Tony Jones and/or Craig Hutchison. Great! Just what we need…

Speaking of the nufty factory, Monday night football was the latest experiment to be held by the League as they explore ways to incorporate nine matches per round when GC17 and WS18 are artificially brought to life. Sure, it was on Channel Seven last night but if this timeslot becomes a regular fixture in years to come, it really does have a wanky, over-hyped Channel Nine feel to it. And if the League hopes to milk as much cash as possible from the next media rights agreement, they better prey that the nufty factory comes to the party.

The Games:

BuddyFlummoxed

Buddy checks out the scoreboard and refuses to believe that his team is actually behind Essendon at quarter time. It only got worse from there…

The Bombers have been getting all nostalgic this week and it just may have helped inspire them to an upset win over bitter 80’s rivals Hawthorn. Though it would be fair to say that the Hawks are far from firing on all cylinders, Essendon are far from full strength and have four wins already. Speaking of full strength, they face St Kilda next…that might tell us more about the Dons.

BloodyJackson

What is with Richmond players breaking their faces this weekend?

Richmond are starting to look ahead to life without Matthew Richardson… unfortunately, that life looks exactly the same as it has with Richo there. That is – not very good! Brisbane tough it out and claim victory at the MCG, leaving Terry Wallace threatening players with the axe. Well, he should probably do some sacking of his own before it happens to him

BarryHall

Barry Hall contemplates giving up football so he can take up boxing and start legitimately hitting people for money!

Paul Roos thought that Geelong would still be a tough task without the brilliant Gary Ablett. He thought right! The Cats remain undefeated as they brush the Swans aside, Roosy counting the cost of poor ball use. The Cats also shut Barry Hall out of the game, making him look like a pro boxer who plays footy on the side rather than the other way around. At least the two sports didn’t merge on him this week…

ElvisLives

Look – Elvis Lives…and he resides on the Gold Coast! Thank you very much, Warwick!

The classy folk of the Gold Coast were on hand to witness three in a row for Fremantle. No, not losses…and no, not denials by Matthew Pavlich that he would ever, ever leave the club. The Dockers have actually won three games of football in a row. I know, how crazy is that! Carlton let another winnable game slip and the coach is blaming the handball…though I would have thought it had more to do with Fev doing stuff-all! But Brett Ratten did also say his boys need to grow up…ok, now he’s talking about Fev.

TazFev

Fremantle won the match, Carlton took the money but who won this battle of the minds…Chris Tarrant or Brendan Fevola? Must have been a nil-all draw!

MoneyKids

The Kangas in financial strife? Bulltwang! Just look at their fans…they are loaded!!!

It hasn’t been the best of seasons for North Melbourne…and that was before ex-AFL head honcho Wayne Jackson had them merging with the Demons! But they did manage a win on Saturday night…and a very good win at that! Port go home empty handed with sore shoulders and a pissed-off Mark Williams…that’s one flight home I wouldn’t want to be on!

BulldogsAway

Sunday was a triumph for the Bulldogs…and a tragedy for haters of crappy white away jumpers!

The Western Bulldogs hadn’t won for a while and the trip to AAMI Stadium is usually a daunting task. Not this time, however. The powers of belief in the mind of Rodney Eade propelled the Doggies to a big win over the Crows. What were they worried about? It looks like the people who should be worried are Adelaide fans…and don’t say that Neil Craig didn’t warn you!

Coming into this match, I had tipped one result out of six for the round. So when Melbourne held a slender lead in the third quarter, I was preparing for a complete tipping disaster! But the Eagles spared my blushes by hitting the front and then holding off a dogged Demons outfit. Dean Bailey must be pleased with their endeavournot so pleased with the injury toll.

MalthouseSearch

Mick and his trusty binoculars embark on a desperate quest to find a Collingwood forward. No luck, I’m afraid!

It’s Monday night footy. It’s prime time. The glamour, the excitement…and Collingwood kick only one goal in the first half? Sure, half their forward line was missing and the other half was Anthony Rocca but…one goal in a half? The Saints continue to demolish every team they face; next victim…Essendon. Even with three extra days to prepare, the Bombers are in serous trouble!

Talking Heads (Media Street)

owaatwalls

Robert Walls in high definition may not be pretty but watching a full hour of One Week At A Time is no problem…

fchutchy

…but Footy Classified? Can’t do it! The very sight of Craig Hutchison makes me scramble for the remote every time…

It has been with us for less than one week but already Channel Ten’s 24-hour sports venture, ONE, is getting a decent run on the plasma TV at HBF Central. And it was with great relief that the new Monday night AFL discussion show One Week At A Time made its debut. I say relief because without the pricey television goodness of Foxtel, the only AFL analysis program available to me during the week has been Footy Classified…which is not my cup of tea, to be honest.

Sure – the prospect of tuning in to see a casually dressed Robert Walls in high definition is not the most visually stunning image…but it made a nice change to have a panel partaking in an enjoyable hour of footy without a single hint of interruption, contrived provocation or wild accusation. It still needs some work, obviously, but after one airing, it already beats the shit out of cringing through Craig Hutchison and the Channel Nine hype machine. So call me ‘faint-hearted’…but I have no place for Footy Classified. Give me OWAAT or, if you are up late around Footy Classified time, try 30 Rock on Channel Seven. You’ll be much better for the experience…

Speaking of talking heads…have you seen the movie Watchmen? There is a character called Doctor Manhattan…he’s big, blue and can create duplicate physical versions of himself in order to perform more than one task at the same time. Well, Eddie McGuire obviously thinks he is the Doctor Manhattan of the AFL. All he needs to do is announce which ‘Eddie’ he is being at any certain time and we are expected to forget about all those other ‘Eddies’ out there – be it President Eddie or Media Eddie or Former Game Show Host Who Really Needs A New Game Show Eddie!

watchmen-movie-doctor-manhattan-multiple

Thankfully, unlike the various versions of Doctor Manhattan, the various versions of Eddie McGuire all choose to wear pants!

So, when Eddie floats the “Kevin Sheedy coaching Richmond by round four” theory after the Tigers were flogged by Carlton, it’s not poor form coming from an opposing club president because he’s not a president any more…it is Media Eddie talking. But when President Eddie frowns on speculation about Collingwood’s coaching position by people in the media (people just like Media Eddie), that’s ok too.

Um, is the line becoming blurry yet?…Well, stiff! Try telling him that he’s out of line and you can guarantee that one or more versions of Eddie will be after you . The only other guarantee we can make about this whole saga is it will end up in another Caroline Wilson article on The Eddies later this year! And it will probably include many parts of this article too

andydannab

Well well…don’t  Anna B and Andy D look pleased with themselves!

The Gold Coast now have a footy team…well, almost! The licence is ‘provisional‘ but Andy D and Anna B wouldn’t have put on such a flashy Gold Coast stylee show, signing contracts and smiling a lot, if it wasn’t going to go ahead, right? So if you are an AFL club, lock up your youngsters…especially if they are Queenslanders!

Now how is the League going to pay for GC17…and WS18 for that matter? The next media rights, of course! Andy D is already spruiking it up…big time. And don’t think that the massive interest created in last week’s AFL season opener won’t be used by Andy and friends with a view to milking as much cash as possible in the next rights deal. Well, last Thursday night’s hype-fest was more a result of good fortune with the Ben Cousins saga.

So unless the league plans an annual roll-out of previous Brownlow winners, straight out of rehab, to participate in the opening game of the year, we won’t experience the likes of last Thursday night again. And after the result of that game, it would be just as well…

Oh Well! (Round 15 – The Eight Point Game)

“Doesn’t look that worried about the loss, Fev. I don’t like the look of that. Don’t like it at all. You haven’t done much. Haven’t helped the side. You’ve had the loss. That guy there (Chris Judd) has busted his guts. And you are hugging the opposition. Oh well.”

That’s not Half Back Flanker bagging out Carlton full forward Brendan Fevola…we would be far more succinct with a few cuss words thrown in for good measure. Those statements belong to Channel Seven commentator Nathan Buckley, who was clearly unimpressed with the body language emanating from the Fev after St Kilda’s vital win over the Blues last night.

The Saints needed to win this ‘eight point’ game in order to have some control over their finals destiny and they did just that in front of a good crowd at the MCG, not the Docklands as the ABC reported…though they did manage a decent crowd at the Dome as well! Those Catholics sure have a loyal fan base…wonder if they will all get on board with the Sydney Celtics in 2011?

Having won the ‘eight-pointer’, St Kilda sit one win and percentage above Carlton in eighth spot. The Blues still think they are a shot at September but not on last night’s showing…plus they have the Doggies, Hawks and away games in Brisbane and Adelaide to come. Umm…nah!

But quickly back to Fevola – maybe he thinks that slapping your opponent around the head unnecessarily a few times is the type of action that warrants a multi-year, multi-million dollar contract. But nobody at Carlton or Sydney or anywhere else he is supposedly wanted, would agreee with him…unless he has the same agent as Andrew Bogut!

But with Carlton playing Sydney next Sunday – perhaps the winner can have the four points and the loser can overpay Fev for three years of occassional joy and chronic frustration! Sounds fair.

Here is a look ahead at the remaining games for The Eight Point Game round:

SATURDAY

With eight points on the line, expect to see a fast-paced contest between these two teams this afternoon!

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Collingwood v Adelaide (FOX)

Don’t the Cats fans love beating Freo! Might be a bit cold for it though…

Skilled Stadium, Geelong – 2:10pm (local): Geelong v Fremantle (TEN)

Sorry Bomber fans…you won’t see Hirdy in red and black or fluoro yellow any time soon!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 7:10pm (local): Essendon v Brisbane (TEN)

Chances of a repeat of last year’s prelim final flogging? Hmm, not great.

AAMI Stadium, Adelaide – 7:10pm (local): Port Adelaide v North Melbourne (FOX)

SUNDAY

Will Spida Everitt take over as Sydney’s biggest nutjob with Barry Hall out?

MCG, Melbourne – 1:10pm (local): Hawthorn v Sydney (FOX)

Things didn’t go so well for Melbourne the last time they faced the Dogs!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Western Bulldogs v Melbourne (SEVEN)

A few flying high shots would certainly help Richmond’s cause…

Subiaco, Perth – 2:40pm (local): West Coast v Richmond (FOX)