Tag Archives: One HD

The Best Case Scenario! (Septocemia – 2009 AFL Finals Series)

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Imitation is usually the best form of flattery…but not down at the Cattery!

So much for that whole ‘excruciating pressure‘ theory! Septocemia 2009 will have the best possible finale as the two best teams in the competition will face off in the AFL Grand Final. Sure, we love a Cinderella story…but if it happened to involve Collingwood, that sure is one ugly Cinderella!

Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about that.  St Kilda squeaked past the Bulldogs on Friday night but Geelong roared its way in by making an absolute mess of Collingwood to qualify for a third straight premiership decider. The Cats produced close to their best football on the big stage with their star players stepping up when it mattered most.

The Pies can talk about the experience being good for their group but this club has played finals in each of the past four years, with at least two finals in the last three Septembers. How much more experience do they want before they show some true substance?

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Look – photographic evidence that All-Australian Leon Davis actually got a touch in a finals game! Cue the Bronx cheers from Magpie fans…

Whether the intent of Mick Malthouse’s widely-discussed ‘pressure’ article was overblown is up for debate. But after this trouncing on preliminary final night, one thing is certain – few coaches will be under more pressure next season than Malthouse. Season 2010 will be his eleventh year in change and second last chance to ever win a premiership with Collingwood.

And he has to do it with a shattered group of players, including some alleged high quality guys who inexplicably disappear once the ‘August’ page flips over to the back of the calendar. And did we mention that his successor will be sitting in the office next door?

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Channel Ten gave us Hulk Hogan. Channel Seven gave us David Schwartz wearing tights. Advantage Ten!

While last night’s match lacked any drama or intensity after the main break, I won’t complain. The very thought of the Magpies winning a premiership freaks me right out so Geelong’s dominance after halftime was fantastic view ing for me and capped a dismal day for Collingwood, who were also flogged in the VFL prelim during the afternoon.

And it just gets better Magpie fans…because we can all sit back and relive Collingwood’s back-to-back grand final defeats to the Brisbane Lions on Channel Ten’s One HD! What a great way to get Grand Final week kick-started!!!

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Round Ten – A Series Of Perfect Tens

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Ben Cousins filming the latest promo for One HD, Ten’s new 24 hour sports channel.

Ten was the magic number last weekend. St Kilda won its tenth straight game to start the season while Geelong matched them to also remain unbeaten after ten rounds of footy. They appear to be set on a collision course for round 14 in the biggest blockbuster game of the season…to be played in the smallest stadium in town. But fear not, footy fans – we will surely get to see the game live on TV…won’t we?

Channel Ten was the other big winner out of the weekend’s action when former Eagles champ Ben Cousins chose to vent his frustration with a single-fingered salute right down the barrel of a camera as he returned to play in Western Australia for the first time as a Tiger. Sure, Benny thought it was just a bit of fun but the League will want an explanation as they seem to have a different opinion on what exactly is fun….as we all know from years of questionable grand final entertainment!

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Terry’s time up at Richmond? Wow, that came out of left field…never saw that coming.

Then there is our old friend Terry Wallace. Despite his struggling side recording a rare win on the weekend, he and the Tigers announced today that they are parting ways after Friday night’s clash with the Bulldogs. The conference can be read in full here but the general gist of it all was that the Tigers are somehow better off now (with an extra five years of failure) than when he began, that his coaching career is pretty much over and that he’s kinda sorry for what happened at the Bulldogs in 2002. I’m sure the Doggies fans can’t wait to express their gratitude to him on Friday night…

The Games:

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Fev clearly doesn’t know how to perform a Pressed Ham against the Glass…maybe he’s asking the umpire how it’s done!

Did the hysteria about the poor play at Carlton get a little out of hand last week? Sure, the Blues did have their arses handed to them by Adelaide last week but you’d have thought they were level with Richmond on the ladder by the amount of whining. But a little siege mentality, including the fortnightly Robert Walls Carlton focus article, helped inspire them to ease past the Eagles at home on Friday night. West Coast are no longer making finals their priority…we think that is wise!

Brisbane score a solid away win against North Melbourne on the back of some exciting young players and their exciting young finals-talking coach. The Roos wasted no time delving into a comprehensive post-mortem…perhaps they can send an update to fans who spent most of the first quarter sampling the many seating options at Whatshishead Stadium. Sounds like a fun place to watch footy…

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One behind in a quarter? Think Roosy might kick 22 behinds this week at training!

The Western Bulldogs looked right at home in the nation’s capital of fireworks and pornography with a comfortable win over the Swans that places them at the head of the class for next-best underneath Geelong and St. Kilda. The Swans managed to keep Aker quiet (no mean feat…whatever the context of ‘keeping quiet’!) but it was not a great day for them. Maybe the ‘other’ Sydney team will have more luck up there.

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Terry wants to celebrate a rare win so he finds a guy who knows how to party…

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…though perhaps he needs to learn from ‘Aussie’ Guus Hiddink…now that’s one guy who knows how to party!

It was always going to be a big game for Ben Cousins returning to the west…and didn’t he love being back in WA! Well, he and the rest of the Tigers were loving it when they scraped over the line against Freo in a thrilling finale. Mark Harvey’s side almost pulled off the win despite a multitude of injuries…yep, cue the debate for substitute players.

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Samuel L Jackson just wants to get these mother-flippin’ Saints of this mother-freakin’ plane!

No disrespect to Melbourne (of course…) but St Kilda’s biggest issue this weekend was not the game but travelling amongst the dirty, swine-infected members of the general public. They all made it safely and took care of the Demons without a great deal of difficulty…though they did get a little cutesy. The Saints now look forward to winning the next three before the Geelong game while Dean Bailey will focus his team on losing to Collingwood next week.

Adelaide blew away the reigning champs in the first half to record another win at home…and may have just unearthed a new goal kicking hero in the process. Neil Craig was suitable impressed…Al Clarkson? Hmm, not so much! And does he think they will bounce back right away? No, not really.

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Shoulda turned back, boys…shoulda turned back!

May as well just recycle the reports from round two in 2008…Essendon received a comprehensive football lesson from Geelong with coach Matthew Knights planning to use this loss as a leaning aid for his players. The only point that is unique to 2009 is that while the Cats keep racking up wins and proving a point against all opponents, they are referring to St Kilda as the benchmark. Yeah, nice try…

A light tower loses power at the MCG on Sunday as Port Adelaide stink it up on the field, prompting all manner of kooky headlines… oh, delicious irony! The Pies blitz the Power in the second half and, after copping plenty of criticism a fortnight ago, now they are headed for the top four. In fact, Mike Sheahan has already chalked them up for another four wins during the next month…and he never gets it wrong, does he!

Talking Heads (Media Street)

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Robert Walls in high definition may not be pretty but watching a full hour of One Week At A Time is no problem…

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…but Footy Classified? Can’t do it! The very sight of Craig Hutchison makes me scramble for the remote every time…

It has been with us for less than one week but already Channel Ten’s 24-hour sports venture, ONE, is getting a decent run on the plasma TV at HBF Central. And it was with great relief that the new Monday night AFL discussion show One Week At A Time made its debut. I say relief because without the pricey television goodness of Foxtel, the only AFL analysis program available to me during the week has been Footy Classified…which is not my cup of tea, to be honest.

Sure – the prospect of tuning in to see a casually dressed Robert Walls in high definition is not the most visually stunning image…but it made a nice change to have a panel partaking in an enjoyable hour of footy without a single hint of interruption, contrived provocation or wild accusation. It still needs some work, obviously, but after one airing, it already beats the shit out of cringing through Craig Hutchison and the Channel Nine hype machine. So call me ‘faint-hearted’…but I have no place for Footy Classified. Give me OWAAT or, if you are up late around Footy Classified time, try 30 Rock on Channel Seven. You’ll be much better for the experience…

Speaking of talking heads…have you seen the movie Watchmen? There is a character called Doctor Manhattan…he’s big, blue and can create duplicate physical versions of himself in order to perform more than one task at the same time. Well, Eddie McGuire obviously thinks he is the Doctor Manhattan of the AFL. All he needs to do is announce which ‘Eddie’ he is being at any certain time and we are expected to forget about all those other ‘Eddies’ out there – be it President Eddie or Media Eddie or Former Game Show Host Who Really Needs A New Game Show Eddie!

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Thankfully, unlike the various versions of Doctor Manhattan, the various versions of Eddie McGuire all choose to wear pants!

So, when Eddie floats the “Kevin Sheedy coaching Richmond by round four” theory after the Tigers were flogged by Carlton, it’s not poor form coming from an opposing club president because he’s not a president any more…it is Media Eddie talking. But when President Eddie frowns on speculation about Collingwood’s coaching position by people in the media (people just like Media Eddie), that’s ok too.

Um, is the line becoming blurry yet?…Well, stiff! Try telling him that he’s out of line and you can guarantee that one or more versions of Eddie will be after you . The only other guarantee we can make about this whole saga is it will end up in another Caroline Wilson article on The Eddies later this year! And it will probably include many parts of this article too

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Well well…don’t  Anna B and Andy D look pleased with themselves!

The Gold Coast now have a footy team…well, almost! The licence is ‘provisional‘ but Andy D and Anna B wouldn’t have put on such a flashy Gold Coast stylee show, signing contracts and smiling a lot, if it wasn’t going to go ahead, right? So if you are an AFL club, lock up your youngsters…especially if they are Queenslanders!

Now how is the League going to pay for GC17…and WS18 for that matter? The next media rights, of course! Andy D is already spruiking it up…big time. And don’t think that the massive interest created in last week’s AFL season opener won’t be used by Andy and friends with a view to milking as much cash as possible in the next rights deal. Well, last Thursday night’s hype-fest was more a result of good fortune with the Ben Cousins saga.

So unless the league plans an annual roll-out of previous Brownlow winners, straight out of rehab, to participate in the opening game of the year, we won’t experience the likes of last Thursday night again. And after the result of that game, it would be just as well…