All Quiet On The Trading Front (The Lost Weekend)

Ryan O’Keefe looks good in navy blue but is still a Swan…well, for now anyway!

Not much to write home about as a result of AFL trade week…though it was always going to be an extremely difficult year to pull off any substantial deals. With the Gold Coast Sluggos claiming a large number of draft picks next year and talk of a seriously talented group of kids coming out this year, it would have taken an extraordinary deal for a first-round draft pick to be exchanged. And sorry, but none of these Kangas can be filed under ‘extraordinary’!

So, exactly how many deals were done in this year’s trade week? Six! Ryan O’Keefe didn’t get to Hawthorn and now might be stuck in the middle of a ‘who’s dick is bigger’ tug o’ war between Essendon and Carlton. Andrew Lovett couldn’t find a way to get to Geelong so has a big preseason ahead of him back at Windy Hill. And Brad Green stays with Melbourne even though he reckons we was never leaving anyway…that might be a tad more believable if it was said, say, last Tuesday rather than after the trade deadline!

Yep, that was worth five whole days of carry-on…

• It all started last Thursday with Port Adelaide’s Adam Thompson heading to Richmond in exchange for the Tiger’s third-round pick (no.42). Thompson will probably challenge for a spot in the Tiger midfield right now and with coach Terry Wallace about to enter the final year of a five-year deal, ‘right now’ is what he would be after!
• Shaw is traded! No, not that one…big brother Rhys moves to Sydney and takes Collingwood’s fourth round pick (no.61) with him in exchange for a third rounder (no.46). The Swans always pick up an experienced ‘fresh start’ guy in the trade period for fear of bottoming out and the resultant drop-off in supporters…but no, Sydney is really, really ready for a second team!
• Michael Voss mustn’t think too highly of Anthony Corrie…he basically gave him away to the Pies for nothing! Unless that juicy six round pick (no.93) which went to the Lions has the name ‘Ben Cousins’ written all over it. No, we don’t think so either…
• The Bulldogs selected Farren Ray in 2003 with the fourth overall pick…now they’ve packed him off to St Kilda for pick 31. Will Ray become a regular midfielder at the Saints or the next Aaron Fiora? Either way, the Doggies will be hoping that pick 31 turns into a tall forward!
• With all their recent success, the Cats just can’t keep them all… so Brent Prismall makes his way to Essendon for a third-round pick (no.39). But be patient Bomber fans, there is that whole knee reco thing to recover from first!

Ahhh, so that is what Robbie Warnock looks like…

• Robert Warnock gets his way…and Carlton have a brand spanking new ruckman! Fremantle get pick 24 and a whole heap of spare change but, seeming as though Warnock hasn’t really achieved much and is no guarantee to be worth whatever he is getting paid at the Blues, the Dockers might even have the better of this deal in the long run. If they did, it would be a rare win for them on the trading table…

Is It Over Yet? (AFL Trade Week)

Robbie Warnock is hoping that Freo and Carlton can shake hands on a deal this afternoon. Pffft! Yeah right…

Maybe today we will see some action! The AFL trade week winds up this afternoon at 2pm and after a week of prognostication, stalled negotiations and token mediation, a small number of uncontracted or unhappy or just plain unlucky players might have a new footballing home. Or they might not…

This traditional all-talk, little-to-no-action period has played out as expected. Many possibilities arise after all the clubs get together on Monday; including the obligatory name that nobody expected to be available…and that’s because he was never really available anyway but it will sure motivate the guy over preseason. Then it is three days of waiting, waiting, waiting…with a media throng bigger than you see at most post-match conferences waiting breathlessly for something, anything to happen.

But with next season’s AFL draft compromised in order to funnel promising young kids to the Gold Coast, all club want to hold onto their picks, especially the first-rounders…so we might have even less player movement than usual. Look out – here comes free agency!

Port Adelaide have provided the only real shock of trade week so far…they actually finalised a deal yesterday. That’s Thursday – a full day before the deadline. Talk about breaking ranks…they must have put their clocks forward one full day instead of one hour for daylight savings last weekend!

The time is right in Adelaide…but what day is it again?

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Which leads us to today…and a few hours of frantic bargaining followed by a myriad of complaints from player managers that the whole trade scenario needs an overhaul – preferably to a system that allows them to score more commission money by closing more deals and with less stress. Oh, the poor things…

So, will Fremantle cave in to Carlton’s underwhelming demands for ruckman Robert Warnock? Is the kid really that good to warrant all this attention in the first place? And if we didn’t hear the funny story about Melbourne attempting to get him to join the Dees via the power of the Powerpoint back in August, would we even know the kid’s name?

And what about Ryan O’Keefe? Will the defending premier really be able to make room for the All Australian calibre forward to join Buddy, Roughy and Cyril? Or will he head to Carlton…or the preseason draft? Will the Swans get anybody in return? If they do, it won’t be Andrew Lovett and it won’t be Brad Green. Will Farren Ray escape from the Dog’s kennel? Will anybody be brave enough to go to Adelaide?

Guess we will have to wait until approximately 1:59pm today to find out…

Look Out Folks…It’s Trade Week! (Six Months Of Silliness)

The Crows broke out their best sandwich board for B&F night…

Well, season 2008 is done! All the goofy Mad Monday costumes have been packed away for another year and the last Sherrin has been booted in anger…at least until pre-season training kicks off. And that is only a matter of weeks away for the bottom eight clubs!

More importantly, all the best-and-fairest winners have been named. Just in case you have been wondering who claimed the big prize at your club, here is the honour roll:

• Nathan Bock wins in Adelaide, earning himself a nifty yellow jacket in the process! Wonder if the runner-up prize was two yellow jackets…
• Once again, Jono Brown is the main man in Brisbane…and he is talking finals already! Just another 47 weeks to go before we know if he’s right.
• It wouldn’t be footy season without Chris Judd winning something…or the Fev just missing out!
• The delightful Alan Didak led the Collingwood B&F count until his suspension kicked in…allowing Dane Swan to claim the award. So something good did come out of the Shaw/Didak drama!
• No All Australian spot for David Hille but he will have to settle for Essendon’s best player award.
• Is it any surprise that Matthew Pavlich has won a shitload of Freo B&F’s already? He might win fifteen of them by the time he retires!
• Oh no! Gary Ablett finishes second again!!! Can you believe it? What a hard luck story! Blah blah blah…Joel Corey won, by the way.
• Sure, Lance Franklin winning the best and fairest in a premiership year is a big deal. But to make front page news at the Herald Sun, you need to achieve something far greater…like going outside with your girlfriend!
• The best player on the worst team in the comp…come on down, Cameron Bruce!
• Brent Harvey takes the honours at North Melbourne and will now delay surgery in order to play for Australia in the silly hybrid series against the Irish. Is he completely insane?
• Kane Cornes wins at Port Adelaide but it’s a wonder Mark Williams didn’t cancel the awards night altogether and make the players carry bricks above their heads at Alberton Oval instead!

Brett Deledio (right) wins at Richmond while Nathan Brown (left)…um, is absent from the leaderboard. So why is his picture even there?

• Thanks to Brett Deledio, Matthew Richardson is stiffed again! The story of his life…
• Sam Fisher stepped up this year to deny Nick Riewoldt at St Kilda’s B&F count…now if half a dozen or so mates step up next year, the Saints might finish top-four by good management rather than good fortune!
• Jarrad McVeigh pips Brett Kirk at the finish line to win the award in Sydney. What…no Barry Hall?
• Taking full advantage of Chris Judd’s departure, Dean Cox stands tall in a crappy season at the West Coast Eagles.
• The winner of the best and fairest award at the Western Bulldogs is…not Scott West? Wow, this will take some getting used to…

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So, without any footy games to watch (and yes, the International Rules series DOES NOT count!), what do we do for the next six months? Talk footy non-stop, of course! And what better place to start than the maximum-talk, minimum-action of AFL trade week. Will this year be any different? Probably not.

Most interest would have involved the seemingly restless Daniel Kerr but he is now an Eagle for life…like he was going to leave anyways! But the whereabouts of players such as Ryan O’Keefe, Andrew Lovett, Daniel Harris, Mark Seaby and many, many others will be determined this week. Some will be finalised by lunchtime today, others will have to wait until 1:59pm on Friday. Let a full-on week of rumour, heresay and player manager waffling commence…and here’s hoping your team can land a big fish!

Football Royalty Rules Again (Round Eleven – God Save The Queen!)

Unlike Prince Harry, there is absolutely no doubt who this guy’s father is!!!

Honestly – how freakin’ good is Gary Ablett Jnr! In a highly entertaining match choc-full of goals, the son of the great Gary Ablett went nuts with 39 touches to lead Geelong to their tenth win in eleven matches this season. He also kicked a spectacular curling left-footer on the run in the shades of three quarter time to give his Cats a vital two-goal lead…this guy is so talented that it’s ridiculous!

But it wasn’t all great news for Geelong with a couple of concerns coming out of the match; including an injury problem for Matthew Scarlett and a possible report on forward Cam Mooney. It was another eventful night for Mooney – a career-best seven goals, another silly incident with an opponent and another post-game smooch with a teammate. This time it was Steve Johnson…which would have come as a relief to Matty Stokes, a regular target of Mooney’s amorous advances.

Wanna play Kisschasy?

North kicked 17 goals against the reigning premiers without forwards Aaron Edwards, Nathan Thompson and Corey Jones, and didn’t receive a lot of help from the umpires in the final quarter. No wonder Kangaroos coach Dean Laidley was not very happy after the match. Maybe a Cam Mooney man-cuddle would cheer him up!

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Here is the rundown for the remaining games as we say God Save The Queen for the three-day weekend:

SATURDAY

The Queen visits Adelaide in 1954…mustn’t have thought much of the place, she has barely been back since!

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Richmond v Adelaide (FOX)

• In 2005, Richmond defeated Adelaide in possibly the most boring game ever played…surely this clash will be a little more interesting!
• Terry Wallace sees this match as a big test for his side…well, he said that last week too and the Swans made it look like his players forgot to study for it!
• Let’s hope the Crows have been studying hard…their test is going to be seven weeks long!
• And if they have been hitting the football textbooks, hopefully they have focused on the goal kicking chapter!
• Richmond will have two captains in the absence of Kane Johnson…because Chris Newman is better at breaking through the banner while Nathan Foley is a whiz at winning coin tosses.

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Ryan O’Keefe played his cards right many years ago when he hooked up with a young Mary Donaldson, now the Crown Princess of Denmark.

Subiaco, Perth – 5:40pm (local): West Coast v Sydney (FOX)

• John Worsfold says his players have to make some adjustments to avoid head-high contact…except for you Beau, you can do whatever you want!
• So, the Barry Hall punch will not be an issue this weekend, eh? Try telling that to the crowd at Subiaco!
• But even if Hall had kept his punchy little fist to himself, this Sydney-West Coast rivalry is well and truly alive.
• Apart from Hall’s shattered wrist, Sydney are a healthy bunch but the Eagles have quite a few injury problems at the moment.
• Paul Roos thinks the premiership race is wide open…well, it’s definitely wide enough for the Swans but West Coast can just forget it!

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You thought Princess Diana had problems with media packs…what about poor Alastair Clarkson?

Telstra Dome, Melbourne- 7:10pm (local): Essendon v Hawthorn (TEN)

• Essendon think that 250-gamer Scott Lucas is awesome…but not quite enough for an awesome new contract. Not yet anyway…
• Matthew Knights is fully behind his under-performing skipper…provided he is not opening his mouth on football panel shows!
• Clarkson is not too worried about Buddy Franklin…well, he kicks a whole lotta goals and the ladies love him – no matter what he does. Clarko is not worried…he is jealous!!!
• Saturday night game, long weekend…the players must be stoked that the club have not imposed any curfews!
• Hawthorn will miss midfielder Brad Sewell but they have a more than handy replacement coming in…

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SUNDAY

It’s a wonder that half of the Freo players are not running out for the East Perth Royals in the WAFL this Queens Birthday weekend!

GABBA, Brisbane – 1:10pm (local): Brisbane v Fremantle (FOX)

• Brisbane are in seventh spot and playing good footy…not surprisingly, Michael Voss thinks they can go all the way!
• Wanna know how Daniel Bradshaw came back from his knee reco to totally kick ass this years? Well, here’s how…but what’s with the Steve Austin/Six Million Dollar Man references? That’s so lame…
• Jono Brown’s knee seems fine and he has been picked to play…though Mark Harvey is not convinced…
• Then again, Harvs doesn’t even who who is in his team yet. It depends on whether the sun is out or not.
• Or maybe he should just let the players pick themselves – after all, he is letting them deal with their string of embarrassing losses all on their own! Isn’t it plainly obvious that the Freo players needs some help?

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Much like St Kilda this season, the Queen that you see here is not the real deal…it’s merely an impersonator!

Telstra Dome, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): St Kilda v Western Bulldogs (SEVEN)

• If Ross Lyon is yet to fully embrace the St Kilda culture, here is a quick lesson…only the Saints could win by 79 points but not really impress anybody…
• But at least Ross Lyon brings something different to coaching…big games are not ‘tests, they are ‘benchmarks’!
• Nick Dal Santo is putting in the hard work to improve his game! Well, we figured that is what footballers get up to during the week…but that’s good to know.
• A Bulldog rookie will make his debut this weekend…but finding out about his selection was a bit of a dilemma! At least people are trying to phone him – on the other hand…
• If you have to resort to phoning newspapers and ranting in order to get a mention these days, it’s probably a sign that the industry has kinda forgotten about you…

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“OFF WITH HIS FINGER”

AAMI Stadium, Adelaide – 4:10pm (local): Port Adelaide v Carlton (FOX)

• The Power have had it tough through the first half of the season…the poor dears!
• If Chad Cornes damages his mangled finger again, it might have to come off! But Dr. Peter Larkins says no…unless he has it done during his segment on the Sunday Footy Show, which he thinks is a great idea!
• Yep, Sunrise’s David Koch is a Port Adelaide man…that explains everything!
• Interesting that Brendan Fevola has reignited his little spat with Chad by questioning his courage. We don’t exactly see Fev’s name anywhere in Nathan Buckley’s list of the toughest players in the game. However, if it was a list of the sulkiest players when things don’t go their way…
• And Mark Williams didn’t hold back about Carlton either! Is it too late to switch this game to Channel Seven instead of the St Kilda game? This might get spiteful!

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MONDAY

Perhaps hiring the Sex Pistols to sing God Save The Queen at the Melbourne 150 Heroes dinner was not the best move…”No Future, No Future, No Future For You!”

MCG, Melbourne – 2:10pm (local): Melbourne v Collingwood (TEN)

• The Demons fans better show up on Monday or be faced with the wrath of Demetriou!
• Russell Robertson and his mushy leg can spend the rest of the year on the couch and watch how crap his team is on TV instead.
• Melbourne’s grey piece-of-shit jumper, which we predicted was a piece of shit way back in February, is officially gone…amazing what a good ‘Brouhaha’ can do!
• Collingwood are said to be enjoying an extended break…which probably includes the Melbourne game as well!
• Mick Malthouse is doing his level best to talk up the Dees…but he must be having a laugh, right?